DD won £5k - should she share it?

Gavin83

dandy-candy wrote: »

BTW I don't think my opinion is more important than anyone else's - I think thats harsh. DH had said that if anyone won a big amount that we should keep it cos they would get it when we die, which I thought was very unfair.

I'll be honest, if my parents had done this to me (if I was lucky enough to win £1 million) I'd have looked into taking legal action against them. Harsh maybe but I very much doubt it's legal to effectively steal from your children.

I'm also a firm believer in that a childs money is theirs and it shouldn't be dictated to them on how to spend it. I don't think it matters how it was gained either but I don't see what right a parent has to tell the child they have to split the money.

If I were to come into some money I would share it with those close to me and firmly believe that I would have done so as a 13 year old as well. However, it shouldn't be forced.

euronorris

Welshwoofs wrote: »

Why would she be expected to share? If the kids all got an equal amount of premium bonds then it's down to sod's law who wins on them and who doesn't. She's won now, one of her siblings could in the future.

Perhaps it's just me as an only child, but I don't understand this obsession with 'everything must be shared equally' with kids. What if one of them made a fortune through their own hard work one day and the others never progressed beyond menial jobs...would the highflyer be expected to 'share' just because they're related?

There are times when sharing is unfair too. I can remember being cut up by one of the staff, whilst ice skating, as a child. Fell over and badly twisted my ankle. I was treated very well, first aid were there straight away and management apologised profusely and gave me 2 vouchers for free ice skating in future. My parents insisted that I gave them to my older brother and sister as my folks weren't planning on coming back anytime soon (couldn't afford to pay for the rest of the family), and I was too young to go alone or with a friend. I didn't get anything else in return. I was really hurt by that. Felt like my siblings were profiting from my misfortune. And worse? My parents insisted on it.

A few years later, we went to Florida on a family holiday (finances had improved somewhat and they had saved furiously for it). Whilst there, we were in a games arcade and they had one of those indoor batting cages. I leant against it, only to have a nail/screw that was poking out from the cage, cut my leg quite deeply. Again, staff came running over, with first aid, sorted me out, looked after me and they had the area taped off whilst a maintenance man came to file down the nail/screw immediately. They were terrified of getting sued, and gave me loads of tokens to play on the machines with (I forget the total value) and I think they even asked my parents to sign something saying they agree not to sue! Anyway, my parents insisted that I share out this money with all of my siblings (I have 4 in total). So again, I felt like my siblings were profiting from my misfortune.

But, a few years later, when I was 12 we were holidaying in Scotland. My parents always played one line for each of us, that we had chosen the numbers for. The first Saturday we were there, 4 of my numbers came up. 74 quid! WOOO! I was over the moon. Even better, and oddly, my parents said I could keep the money for myself as I won it. I felt so rich! I treated us all to a meal with some of that money. It was only McDonald's, but still, it made me feel really good to be the one doing the treating.

So, given the opportunity, I share anyway. But I do not agree with having it enforced on me. Especially in certain situations. Just serves to p*ss me off.

And no, I have no idea why my parents thought I should have to share things that had been given to me as a result of an accident, but not from a win. It makes no sense to me whatsoever.

As for the OP - I think it is actually your OH who is jealous here. I'm not sure he's really concerned with what's best for the kids. There is absolutely no need for it to be in your bank account, rather than hers. Otherwise, it's likely that the money will be spent before she's entitled to any inheritence. Plus, a 5k booster will give her a great start in life - whether it's for a car, uni, deposit, whatever.

Mojisola

Welshwoofs wrote: »

Sure, if everyone in the family buys into the same ethos. But in this case all previous wins have NOT been shared, yet the girl is expected to share this one. So the ethos here seems to be "What's mine is mine and what's yours is yours....unless yours is a lot more than mine, in which case I expect you to share it."

In this case, this is the critical point - a precedence has been set by what happened to the previous winnings.

euronorris

GlasweJen wrote: »

I have 4 siblings.

One had a trust fund (was in an accident as a child), the fund was worth £25k+ and she got all of it when she turned 18.

3/5 siblings got a car financed by my parents (I can't drive and my brother never learned).

My youngest sister is still at home and gets free digs but when I was her age I had to pay digs in the summer when I was home from uni.

My younger brother gets food packages and "essentials" sent to him at his uni halls every week, I had to completely self fund myself through uni.

Me and younger sister went to dance lessons and got a fortune paid on those, no one else did an equivalent expensive sport.

I went on international trips with guides, little sis went skiing with the school, no one else went abroad on non-family things.

My big brother and sister used to get tonnes of money spent on them by my grandparents (I was surplus to requirements, younger two had a different dad).

It's all swings and roundabouts at the end of the day. So what if one has 5k now, if it's for you it won't go past you.

Good post Glaswejen!

There are certain things that I got, which my siblings never did and vice versa.

Even as adults, I remember my folks helping my brother & SIL out with some bills as they were struggling. No one else got anything. We didn't need it then. But years later, when I did need it, they helped me too (I suspect they have helped all of them over time in different ways).

My eldest sister and brother benefitted from cheaper childcare, in the form of my Mum, for several days a week when my neices and nephew were younger. But she's too old to do that now. Plus she's retired, why should she have to. It's something that the rest of us will not benefit from, but so what?

Dunroamin

Welshwoofs wrote: »

Sure, if everyone in the family buys into the same ethos. But in this case all previous wins have NOT been shared, yet the girl is expected to share this one. So the ethos here seems to be "What's mine is mine and what's yours is yours....unless yours is a lot more than mine, in which case I expect you to share it."

As someone else said, over the years it could well be that this girl never wins another penny on her bonds whilst the others overtake her £5k in dribs and drabs. So how would it have been fair that she was expected to share because her good luck came in one lump sum?

For the record...if I ever won a lot of money (which I won't because I don't do bonds nor the lottery), then I certainly wouldn't share it equally amongst my family because I view some of them as total a-rsehats and I don't like them. Instead those I liked would get a sum and I wouldn't give a stuff about how unfair that was.

Which is why I said that it was a shame that the OP's family had started a non sharing policy and that it was too late to change now. Obviously, the fact that the other children didn't want to share their own wins in any way is a result of their upbringing.

Re the sharing amongst family point - my definition of "family" is my parents, my husband and any children we might have had; anybody else is just relatives!

hardpressed

Can you buy premium bonds in joint names?