DD won £5k - should she share it?

aliasojo

Taadaa wrote: »

Treating them fairly and equally does not necessarily mean they all get the same at the same time.....

Which is exactly my personal feeling.

That's why I don't feel the OP's daughter should be made to share.

Taadaa

warehouse wrote: »

O.P., when I was 12 my younger Sister won £60 in a competition she entered. This was in 1976, so that was a h*ll of lot of money for kids to have then. I had a paper round at 12 that paid £3 a week.

Without hesitation she said she wanted to give me £20 of her winnings. Even at 12 I was very moved by that gesture, it was such a nice thing for her to do and nobody, not my parents or myself, had insinuated in any way that she should do anything but save the lot.

Who is to say the siblings will accept the gesture? They may feel that their sister should keep it, as they were allowed to keep previous winnings.

warehouse

Taadaa wrote: »

Who is to say the siblings will accept the gesture? They may feel that their sister should keep it, as they were allowed to keep previous winnings.

That's their choice. The issue here is that the OP's Daughter should have complete freedom to choose to do whatever she likes with the winnings, (in regards to saving or sharing), with no interference from Mum or Dad.

peachyprice

I don't think your DD should me made to share at all. If she chooses to share fine, if she chooses to treat her siblings fine, if she chooses to put the lot into her savings account fine. it's her money to make the choice with.

If your father had intended for all winnings to be shared he's have bought premium bonds and given them to you for them as a group, not as individuals.

Hiddenidenity

My kids have bonds from there grandparents/great grandparents, any win small or big goes into the savings split equally. DS has more bonds as hes older than DD, DS has probably won "more" but when it comes to them being 18 I hope they both have a similar amount. This was agreed with the grandparents as soon as they bought DD's when she was born.

However any other money they came into I wouldn't "make" them share but should hope I've brought them up to WANT to share.

Personally in your situation I'd let your daughter decide what she wants to do, and maybe sort an agreement so you know what will happen should it a win happen again?

miss_marsters

Shes 13! if i were 13 i'd probably want to hire justin beiber with the money!

Seriously tho - is it sharing if she is forced or persuaded? Its her cash, her choice and you are guardians of the money until she is an apporiate age

If i'd won the lottery now as an adult and my family said i HAD to share it, i'd say do one! - because they are only thinking of their own gains

BTW - I would share... with most of them!

esmerelda98

Well I'm not a person who thinks children should be treated equally all the time. It's often impossible to achieve that, but even if it were it would be doing the children a disservice as they are different people with different needs at different times, and different strengths and weaknesses. However, I also believe they should be taught to nurture and care for each other, including good fortune. It's not about splitting the money equally, but about expecting her to treat her brothers to a gift out of the money.

I am certainly not approaching this from an equality angle. How can it be a bad thing to encourage generosity in your child? For some people, if they are not taught, at least encouraged, to be generous as children their naturally selfish nature predominates.

aliasojo

miss_marsters wrote: »

Seriously tho - is it sharing if she is forced or persuaded? Its her cash, her choice and you are guardians of the money until she is an apporiate age

If i'd won the lottery now as an adult and my family said i HAD to share it, i'd say do one! - because they are only thinking of their own gains

I feel the same as you.

Something freely given through choice matters so much more than the same thing that was given through persuasion.

As for family, I'm not of the 'oh it's family so they should automatically get' school of thought I'm afraid.

I already know if I ever came into money there are those in my family who I would help in a big way without a second thought and those who, despite being technically closer in blood ties, would get nothing.

It's about people, not familial 'titles' imo.

esmerelda98

aliasojo wrote: »

I feel the same as you.

Something freely given through choice matters so much more than the same thing that was given through persuasion.

As for family, I'm not of the 'oh it's family so they should automatically get' school of thought I'm afraid.

I already know if I ever came into money there are those in my family who I would help in a big way without a second thought and those who, despite being technically closer in blood ties, would get nothing.

It's about people, not familial 'titles' imo.

Do you not try to encourage good attitudes in your children, and discourage bad ones? Sometimes they need to be shown that there are other approaches, with other rewards. It's different when they are adults. You have done your best with them up till then and they must choose their own way. I am not the most naturally generous person but I have learnt from my parents. Mostly by their example but also by their searching questions.

aliasojo

esmerelda98 wrote: »

Do you not try to encourage good attitudes in your children, and discourage bad ones?

Yes of course I do, but it's a matter of opinion what constitutes a good attitude is it not?

I'm of the opinion that attributes such as 'caring', 'consideration', 'kindness to others' etc etc are important. The person, the character is important no matter who they are.

*'Aunt', 'Uncle' 'Sister' 'Brother' are not necessarily indicative of worth so would I share with my brother *just* because he shared the same Mother and Father but who always treated me like I was a nuisance, or would I share with the man next door because he'd always shown me love and kindness?

* Not indicative of real life, just trying to show an example of what I mean.

I do understand not everyone feels like this, family does appear to evoke different feelings in different people.




Edit: I just wanted to add that my middle one who moved out sent his sister and brother £20 each in the post not so long ago 'just because', so clearly I must be doing something right in teaching them about sharing and kindness.