A harsh punishment or fair enough?

Sambucus_Nigra

NewKittenHelp wrote: »

You're not suggesting that, your heaping the responsibility of stopping the bullying onto the victim, completely ignoring that the bullies are 100% responsible. That is blaming the victim. Expecting the victim of bullying to change herself to stop the bullying is disgusting. Would you say that if she were bullied for her skin colour?

Eh?

Could you quote where I said any of that?

Cheers.

Sambucus_Nigra

So, basically - you are all trying to tell me that I am disgusting because I think that having a different reaction to a bully is a bad thing and learning from the situation is also a bad thing.

Just so as we are clear.

Kiboko

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

So, basically - you are all trying to gang up on me to suggest that I am disgusting because I think that having a different reaction to a bully is a bad thing and learning from the situation is also a bad thing.

Just so as we are clear.

um, that isn't what i said... and i'm not ganging up on anyone, but would appreciate you giving the practical advice rather than just saying it's a learning experience, it might actually help another parent with a child being bullied.

NewKittenHelp

I might regularly give advice on bowel cancer, doesn't make me an expert or anyone who should be listened to.

Cat501

I'm sure OP said that her daughter knew "immediately" that the invitation was fake - that was pretty savvy for a 9yo imo.

I'm still confused, sorry.

poet123

I think we have to realise this is a nine year old child we are looking at here, and advice which may be appropriate for a teenager, let alone an adult will be too advanced and too much for that child to cope with, and they should not have to do so.

Sambucus_Nigra

poet123 wrote: »

I think we have to realise this is a nine year old child we are looking at here, and advice which may be appropriate for a teenager, let alone an adult will be too advanced and too much for that child to cope with, and they should not have to do so.

Yes, I know.

Flipping heck. You'd think I'd recommended something fundamentally hard rockingly bonkers rather than using it as a learning experience!

My bad. You lot are complete !!!!in' nutters.

poet123

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Yes, I know.

Flipping heck. You'd think I'd recommended something fundamentally hard rockingly bonkers rather than using it as a learning experience!

My bad. You lot are complete !!!!in' nutters.

You know I am really not sure of your point, and I don't think that is down to my lack of perception.

Of course this will have been a learning curve for this child, how could it not be? Quite how that marries with being savvy or streetwise I am not sure. There are always different ways of handling any issue, but they have to be age appropriate and relevant to the issue at hand.

Your offering of "yeah right" is simplistic in the extreme, and had she gone down that route how would the outcome have been different?

I am not sure why you are seeing this as a personal affront? The way the child handled it was fine, she was not taken in, there was no confrontation, but she will have learned to be more savvy just from the experience, and as she grows up, "yeah right" might well be what she chooses to say.......but at nine there are other ways, and she chose one of them, is that so bad?

susancs

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

My practical advice in this instance was to say 'yeah right'. But apparently the lunch bell went just as the note was handed over. I can't go backwards in time. Being a bit more street wise would maybe have resulted in her being a bit more savvy when presented with a fake invite. But as the OP has stated, she doesn't want her DD to be in any way savvy about these things.

But for the record, I regularly give advice on bullies in the workplace in the employment board. And I have qualifications in psychology and business management and have managed large group of people some of whom have been bullied and I would work with them to manage that relationship and to try and prevent these situations happening again.


Alot of it is down to exactly what I have said - managing their reactions to bullies and being a bit more savvy about what is going on around them. Sometimes it's internal politics, sometimes it really is about calling their bluff or about being obvious about their behaviour [and to the extend of noting down in front of workplace bullies each interaction and when asked, stating loudly that they have been advised to record each incident]. Often being thought of as being monitored is enough to stop them in their tracks. Waiting for a bully to have a light bulb moment is laughable. They often don't.

I respect the fact you have experience with adults who have been bullied in the work place, but in my experience young children's behaviour can be modified with the right education. If children are educated on what is considered bullying behaviour (this should be a list of their own making to start with) and then strategies are drawn up with children to stop bullying and encourage respectful behaviours, then behaviour does change I have found. Most Parents do not want their child to grow up to be an anti-social bully or to stand by and watch others be bullied so will support the school in encouraging a change in bullying behaviour. Young children who are victims of bullying do not have the skills you ascribe to adults to deal with bullying and need adult support and intervention.

Sambucus_Nigra

poet123 wrote: »

You know I am really not sure of your point, and I don't think that is down to my lack of perception.

Of course this will have been a learning curve for this child, how could it not be?

My point is that I suggested it be used as a learning experience and the OP came back at me in bold, capitals and underlined with a statement that she was very proud of the way her daughter handled the situation. [I didn't mention that she shouldn't be]. And she did not want to use it as a learning experience, and certainly did not want her daughter being in any way cynical [ I never mentioned being cynical but there you go]. And that she was happy to wait for the bully to change her behaviour rather than have her daughter change anything.

I'm merely suggesting that using it to teach the daughter about behaviour and the way people interact would be no bad thing.

Problem on here is that you can't have a proper conversation without all the :eek:. Shame but there you go.