A harsh punishment or fair enough?

Spendless

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

I think bold and underlining and capitals is great.

But perhaps being a little more streetwise might have prevented a whole year of bullying...

No I really don't don't see that. No one could have fore-told that an incident that happens out of school before term begins when ring leader and siblings damage my DDs property could have the knock on effect it did. I was not impressed that ring leader was allowed to invite every girl in the class to her birthday party except DD. It's certainly not something I would allow DD to do. She would be told that she could either invite everyone or just a handful, but isolating 1 child wasn't acceptable behaviour. I was even less impressed that ring-leader said it in front of DD. I even queried if it was true (after the event) of other parents as I thought it might have been something spitefully said- but it wasn't - it was true.

It was Jan before I was aware the 'ripple effect' was growing and when I told teacher at parents evening around Feb, she was quite shocked as she hadn't been aware. It was several weeks later that I complained in writing to teacher, who then sorted it out the same day. Getting around 10 girls to confess their wrong doing I am very much impressed by. I've had a child in the school system for the past 9 years and this is the 1st time I have been impressed by how efficiently they dealt with the situation.
There has remained the odd incident since, which if teacher has heard/found out about she has dealt with accordingly. I fail to see how being 'streetwise' can have changed how these children have behaved to my DD.

Spendless

Saturnalia wrote: »

Your daughter sounds very intelligent & level-headed in the way she's been dealing with these girls, not giving them the upset reaction they're prodding for and not retaliating (bullies play victim very well & the retaliator is usually the one punished).

Not that she should have to deal with it, though

I bet you're so glad she'll be out of this nest of vipers next year and I hope she finds nice real mates in the new class. Do you know any of them and their parents, could you arrange something social over the summer?

Sadly I agree that if the coven hasn't been split, they'll just find a new victim next year, but that's for the school to deal with. At least your girl can breathe easy.

Thank you. Her best friend is being put into the other class with her. Her best friend was on holiday when the incident happened - hence she was playing with diff children. She has been to a sleepover at her bf house since she got back and this new class has 2 children she was friendly with in yr 2 and hasn't been in the same class since. I know both girls and their mums and they are all lovely.

jellyhead

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

But perhaps being a little more streetwise might have prevented a whole year of bullying...

You think it's the 9 year old child's fault for not being streetwise enough? :eek:

She's a little girl, and shouldn't have a cynical view of the world at such a young age.

Saturnalia

Spendless wrote: »

Thank you. Her best friend is being put into the other class with her. Her best friend was on holiday when the incident happened - hence she was playing with diff children. She has been to a sleepover at her bf house since she got back and this new class has 2 children she was friendly with in yr 2 and hasn't been in the same class since. I know both girls and their mums and they are all lovely.

Aww that is fantastic to hear!

Sambucus_Nigra

NewKittenHelp wrote: »

Perhaps if there weren't any victim blaming adults like you in the world then all bullying would be prevented?

How am I a victim blaming adult?

I'm suggesting that perhaps being a little more streetwise is no bad thing.

If you would care to expand on your assumption, that would be great - thanks.

Sambucus_Nigra

jellyhead wrote: »

You think it's the 9 year old child's fault for not being streetwise enough? :eek:

She's a little girl, and should have a cynical view of the world at such a young age.

No - see previous post.

No need to scream your head off.

poet123

You really shouldn't have to encourage a 9 year old to be "streetwise" to cope with school.

Sambucus_Nigra

There is nothing wrong with being a little streetwise and savvy about how people can treat you. And she's been 'being treated' like this for a whole school year.

A little 'yeah right' here and there isn't going to break the streetwise bank, is it?

Spendless

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

There is nothing wrong with being a little streetwise and savvy about how people can treat you. And she's been 'being treated' like this for a whole school year.

A little 'yeah right' here and there isn't going to break the streetwise bank, is it?

Indeed, but that isn't HER fault. She does not have the power to change how people behave. Teacher did. She had the power to punish and talk to the children involved. Saying 'yeah right' wouldn't have changed the fake invite incident as I explained earlier. I don't really see how that response would have helped with the other incidences that occurred either.

My written response from teacher when I complained went along the lines of 'Thank you for informing me. I have spoken to Miss Spendless and she has told me something of what has been going on and named the children involved (as it happened she missed 1 or 2 names out because there were so many of them - it would have been quicker to name the children not doing it!) I have spoken to them and they have admitted it. We have had a chat about how their actions are wrong and will not be tolerated within school. We also chatted about how Miss Spendless' feelings in this matter and they could see how their actions affected another. I feel confident that this will now be the end of the matter but if you have any concerns please feel free to speak to me'

After this the huge majority of bullying stopped.

My DD has been at school with the majority of these children since the age of 3 or 4. Last year she was in the same class as all of them. There were no incidences, nor has there been in the past. Just a chain of events led to it. It is certainly a shame that ring-leader is able to influence children into such negative behaviour but that is upto her to change.

I remain convinced that the way I and my DD went about it was the correct thing to do.

Sambucus_Nigra

Spendless wrote: »

Indeed, but that isn't HER fault. She does not have the power to change how people behave. Teacher did. She had the power to punish and talk to the children involved. Saying 'yeah right' wouldn't have changed the fake invite incident as I explained earlier. I don't really see how that response would have helped with the other incidences that occurred either.

My written response from teacher when I complained went along the lines of 'Thank you for informing me. I have spoken to Miss Spendless and she has told me something of what has been going on and named the children involved (as it happened she missed 1 or 2 names out because there were so many of them - it would have been quicker to name the children not doing it!) I have spoken to them and they have admitted it. We have had a chat about how their actions are wrong and will not be tolerated within school. We also chatted about how Miss Spendless' feelings in this matter and they could see how their actions affected another. I feel confident that this will now be the end of the matter but if you have any concerns please feel free to speak to me'

After this the huge majority of bullying stopped.

My DD has been at school with the majority of these children since the age of 3 or 4. Last year she was in the same class as all of them. There were no incidences, nor has there been in the past. Just a chain of events led to it. It is certainly a shame that ring-leader is able to influence children into such negative behaviour but that is upto her to change.

I remain convinced that the way I and my DD went about it was the correct thing to do.

a - I've not said it's her fault.
b - She doesn't have the power to change other people, but she does have the power to change her reactions to other people's behaviour [that's all any of us have]
c - You said 'the bullying which has pretty much gone on since the beginning of the school year' - and now the majority of it stopped after your letter. I can only go on the words I read.
d - You posted on here to get other people's opinions. If you only wanted those that agreed with yours, then you should perhaps have said so in the first post. Mine is that a little more 'people savviness' in your DD's situation would be no bad thing, as she's obviously being the subject of a few incidents of 'being wound up'. I suggested using this incident as a learning opportunity to look at how people behave. The whole point of interacting with other people is to learn things. Some of those things will be that other people sometimes aren't nice. Well, sorry to point it out to you - but that's life! She doesn't have to become an ogre as a result, just be more aware of other people and how they behave. You don't think that's a good idea - well, that's your decision. But that teacher won't always be there all the time to look out for her, one day she'll have to start doing that herself.

If you wait for bullies to change their ways, then you may well be waiting a while.