Dealing with an irrational wife

19lottie82

warehouse wrote: »

O.P. If you want to be spoken to like a child for the rest of your adult life then good luck. Grow a pair and tell her to treat you like an adult.

This ^^^^^ sums it up perfectly.

londonsurrey

mikey72 wrote: »

I'd assume she would see anyone lifting it off the table really. A

That wouldn't necessarily be the case. If I wanted that wallet, it wouldn't take a lot to distract the wife (someone drops a tray loudly, someone screams, someone bumps her, asks her a courteous question, etc) and her attention would be not on that wallet for a couple of moments. Easy.

Pee

Important to who? If you have to mention it that many times, it is clearly not important to the other person.

Mr_Toad

londonsurrey wrote: »

Because Person A says "I'll do better next time", Person B then takes their word, and is upset when they're let down again.

I think it's another judgement call.

Some people remember every conversation and what each person said at the time and are the type who tend to refer back to those conversations to make a point.

With that type of person it's no good trying to sooth them with platitudes, it will never work. Every time you annoy them they refer you to a previous occasion and what was said then.

With them I suspect the only way is to be totally honest and say I am what I am, deal with it.

Some people can compromise, some can't or won't. My view is that life is to short to be miserable, if you can compromise and still be happy then fine. If life is a daily struggle to placate a partner then in my view that relationship is broken and both would be better off out of it. Where's the joy in walking on eggshells all the time in fear of upsetting someone.

shellsuit

masonn wrote: »

And you don't see the irony of your statement?

Perhaps being told 426 times annoys your OH. Have you considered not doing that time and time again.

There seems to be a lot of people on here who think they are always right and that the only way to conduct life is their way and anyone who disagrees is at best plain wrong and at worst childish and stupid.

Are you being serious? If the situation didn't occur, I wouldn't have had the need to tell him at all, would I, let alone 426 times?!

Lets say the only job my husband has around the house is to put the bins out and bring them back in.

Say he forgets.

Say I say "oh you haven't done the bins, now we have to wait for a fortnight, please don't forget next time"

Say he forgets again.

"Oh hun you haven't put the bin out again, you know I hate it when you forget, and now we have to wait a fortnight again".

Say he forgets again.

"The bin hasn't gone out AGAIN, I'm sick of waiting a fortnight for it to be emptied"

Say he forgets again.

"Are you taking the pish?! The one thing I ask you to do and you haven't done it AGAIN".

And so on and so on.


What should I do? Start putting them out and bringing them in myself when I have a million and one other things to do around the house?

masonn wrote: »

Is it surprising that some adults do the things they do when as children Mummy let them get away it.

It can come as no surprise that they continue in their habits and some wife or husband ends up bitterly disappointed in them. After all it's the parents that shape the adult.

My husband's Mummy died when he was 6, so he doesn't get it from his Mummy.

When my kids don't listen, I can ground them or take things from them, I can't do that to my husband can I, so words are all I have.

Cat501

Talking of parents, I'm curious to know what OP's in-laws are like if there are any/they are still together.

Lunar_Eclipse

shellsuit wrote: »

When my kids don't listen, I can ground them or take things from them, I can't do that to my husband can I, so words are all I have.

No, you have actions too and supposedly actions speak louder than words.

I have honestly never encountered a scenario with my husband like your bin example. There is no way I would go through that situation as you have described it, so many times, because the bin would be overflowing and smelly! It is obvious that change is required. Using this example, we would discuss reminder techniques, changing his assigned chore to something more suitable or yes, I would just put it out myself on the basis that it would take about 30 seconds.

Now I know the bin was used as an example, but if your words aren't getting the desired result, you need to try something different to change the outcome. Your husband is clearly not bought in or bothered about the 'bin': it's not a priority for him.

If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got.

Another thought: why ask him to do things? Have a family meeting where you discuss everything that needs to be done and then people choose what responsibilities they take on. When people see the huge list, they know they can't usually get away with 'going to work' & 'taking the bin out' once a week. ;-)

annie_d

TBH shellsuit, if you get that angry about something as simple as taking out the bins then i would say, "Yes, you take them out"
I used to ask my husband to straighten the cushions when he got off the chaise longue in the kitchen but he never did and i would get annoyed/upset at the state of them. Then I decided that the cushions obviously didn't matter to him but they did to me....soooo, he gets up and I straighten them. Job done!

EVERYONE has a million things to do a day and EVERYONE thinks they do the most/their job is the hardest. If it bothers you that much then you attend to it. Life's too short for arguing about bins/cushions etc.

Mr_Toad

shellsuit wrote: »

When my kids don't listen, I can ground them or take things from them, I can't do that to my husband can I, so words are all I have.

Perhaps you should use them sooner, it's bin night don't forget to take it out rather than leaving it until after the event.

And there must be something you can take away from your husband.;)

balletshoes

annie_d wrote: »

EVERYONE has a million things to do a day and EVERYONE thinks they do the most/their job is the hardest. If it bothers you that much then you attend to it. Life's too short for arguing about bins/cushions etc.

I agree when we're talking about bins and cushions.