Not told of Son's wedding

NAR

OP didn't answer my question whether father attended wedding or not. So alternatively maybe he didn't invite either parent, if parents parted acrimoniously, in case it spoiled atmosphere at his wedding.

Taadaa

globetraveller wrote: »

But it wasn't just their day- her family was there.

Indeed....very odd. I can understand someone wanting to go off and get married by themselves. It IS their day and those of us that have got married realise that it can turn the most ordinary familly members into a complete nightmare with their expectations and demands of who to invite. However, to not tell you at all and let you see it on FB is completely insensitive and certainly suggests there is more to this than meets the eye. That is not to imply that Maggie has done something wrong though, as someone else has said there could be something not right from the son's pov.

Can you request her as a friend on FB so that you can wish her well? As much as I would want to respect someone's wishes, if I had an inkling they were pulling the wool over someone's eyes I would want to find out a bit more. And the fact that you thought you had a good relationship and he clearly doesn't have any respect for your feelings...well, it sounds a bit devious to me. Under the limited info given so far caveat.

HeatherintheHills

DUTR wrote: »

Yes I am for real, I remember a colleague asking me if I could drop him at the jewellry quarter one lunchtime, later on he got married, looking at the pics, none of either family were present and only a colleague was there (as he was the photographer) , perhaps it 'slipped' his mind you know what boys are like.

Apologies for laughing, but it was facebook we were talking about

I have no issue at all with people getting married in any way they want and inviting (or not) whoever they want. In fact it makes total sense to me. More and more people marry quietly these days and it is something I would do myself should the situation arise again. I completely agree that it shouldn't be assumed that parents and family will have a role in a wedding.

But I would take care to ensure that my family and friends were told about the wedding in a way that didn't cause them unnecessary pain. Those conversations would probably take place after the event, but they would take place.

FATBALLZ

desert_rose wrote: »

I'm amazed at the assumptions here.

The OP has stated that she is in communication with her son and is naturally devastated at being kept in the dark over his recent wedding.

Does anyone think that quite possibly, the son is out of order here?

Does anyone think that just maybe, his mother has every right to feel upset?

What is it with assuming that she's in the wrong and he isn't?

Children don't owe their parents anything, if there was a wedding and she wasn't invited it's probably her own fault. You reap what you sow with your children.

NAR

FATBALLZ wrote: »

Children don't owe their parents anything,

Find this hard to agree with, I know I owe(d) (father dead) my parents an awful lot and I'm sure there are more like me than not.

However I do agree with, you reap what you sow with your children.

londonsurrey

FATBALLZ wrote: »

Children don't owe their parents anything, if there was a wedding and she wasn't invited it's probably her own fault. You reap what you sow with your children.

Well, I would sort of agree with you, as in you stand a high probability of reaping what you sow with your children.

However, there are always exceptions, as in the child being a sociopath or just plain ungrateful.

It does work both ways, as some awful parents end up with very decent children who care for them.

Bambam

FATBALLZ wrote: »

Children don't owe their parents anything, if there was a wedding and she wasn't invited it's probably her own fault. You reap what you sow with your children.

I disagree. The very least a parent can expect is to attend their childrens weddings....UNLESS there is conflict between the parties. I don't get on with my mother (but I still "owe" her!) but it would never have crossed my mind not to invite her to my wedding; and even if I'd had nothing to do with her, as a matter of courtesy I think I would have written to let her know that I was getting married.

It is such a sad situation for any parent to find themselves in, particularly when the OP is of the opinion that her relationship with her son hasn't disintegrated.

FATBALLZ

Bambam wrote: »

I disagree. The very least a parent can expect is to attend their childrens weddings....UNLESS there is conflict between the parties. I don't get on with my mother (but I still "owe" her!) but it would never have crossed my mind not to invite her to my wedding; and even if I'd had nothing to do with her, as a matter of courtesy I think I would have written to let her know that I was getting married.

It is such a sad situation for any parent to find themselves in, particularly when the OP is of the opinion that her relationship with her son hasn't disintegrated.

I think this is fundamentally where the divide is between the two main schools of thought, one believes 'family' is a good reason for doing something, in absence of any other good reasons. The other view is that someone you don't like is someone you don't like, whether they are related to you or not.

Welshwoofs

maggy50 wrote: »

Yes photos and when I contacted him he said he wanted to keep it low key!

There is nothing we as a family have done we always have been there for him'

He's acted extremely selfishly in that case. Having a 'low key' wedding is when the two of you don't tell anyone and whisk off to Gretna Green or some tropical island to get married in front of 'rent-a-witnesses'. Inviting 30 of her family and not even telling his own side is not low key...it's bizarre.

Honestly if I were the bride I'd be wondering why I hadn't ever been introduced to my husband-to-be's family or why none of them were coming to the wedding......unless, of course, my husband-to-be and given me some story about estrangement and not being on speaking terms with them.

I'd afraid I don't think I'd accept 'low key' as an answer; I'd let him know how hurtful you've found it to be kept completely in the dark and a) have to discover the truth via a bloody social media platform and b) then discover that 'low key' only extended to one side of the family!

Bambam

Welshwoofs wrote: »

He's acted extremely selfishly in that case. Having a 'low key' wedding is when the two of you don't tell anyone and whisk off to Gretna Green or some tropical island to get married in front of 'rent-a-witnesses'. Inviting 30 of her family and not even telling his own side is not low key...it's bizarre.

Honestly if I were the bride I'd be wondering why I hadn't ever been introduced to my husband-to-be's family or why none of them were coming to the wedding......unless, of course, my husband-to-be and given me some story about estrangement and not being on speaking terms with them.

I'd afraid I don't think I'd accept 'low key' as an answer; I'd let him know how hurtful you've found it to be kept completely in the dark and a) have to discover the truth via a bloody social media platform and b) then discover that 'low key' only extended to one side of the family!

Agree! Well said :T