Not told of Son's wedding

conradmum

maggy50 wrote: »

I have read through all the comments regarding my posting and I would like to clarify the situation .

Firstly my son is a mature student and we are on speaking terms .

Since going to university he became a changed person.

I have visited him several times helped him financially but in
a giving way as he would not put on me in any way.

At holiday times Christmas etc he has made excuses that he is busy with work and prefers to stay at uni , naturally I just would not interfere as reading between the lines he was happy and that was ok by me.

My ex husband are on good terms we were invited to our other son,s wedding a few years ago we would not have dreamt of missing this occasion and it went ok.

I have now offered to meet up for Sunday lunch sometime to meet the happy couple and will then try and unravel the reasoning behind not inviting or notifying me about the wedding.

They do not live locally if they did I would not have hesitated in going to ask them the reason , it probably is a good thing as I was very upset by all this.

Having now calmed down spoke to several members of the family who by the way are astounded by his behaviour the only excuse I can make is that he is incredibly selfish and possibly over indulged as a child , my fault I take full responsibility !!

You reap what you sow as one or two posters have commented.

Lesson Learned !!

It may be that his new wife and former girlfriend is deliberately isolating him from his family and friends. Not many men will admit to being 'under the thumb' so to speak. I was reading a while ago of a case like this where the wife was extremely controlling and it was only after many years and the breakdown of the marriage that the son was able to tell his parents what had been happening.

I think all you can do is to be clear on how disappointed and confused you are and keep channels of communication open.

Torndao01

Not much of a consolation, but he invited none of his family, so at least it wasn't a personal attack on you.

But I do understand that it would be hurtful to yourself and all the other close members of your family.

Just remember it was one day and not worth losing our son over.

Let them know how much it hurt you without attacking them. Hopefully, you will get your point of view across without losing your son.

Also, stay away from blaming the GF/Wife as you have no idea what he told her.

BitterAndTwisted

I suspect a change of philosophy or spiritual outlook might be at the root of this issue. There are a number that I can think of which would attempt to be isolating in this way. Not naming names, of course

poet123

OP have any members of your family met the new wife? Does your son have much contact with his brother or any other family member?

I really feel for you but I think you seem to be handling it very well under the circumstances.

burnoutbabe

Wickedkitten wrote: »

Why would you wonder about it? Not everyone wants their entire family about when they get married, it doesn't mean that they don't love them.

the wife has 30 guests on her side and not one would comment "strange that the groom hates his family that much that no one came/he invited no one". Come on, it would look very strange and we'd all comment if we went to such a one sided wedding.

I'd assume he had no love for them at all if he didn't invite them and the other side had all their relations.

lostinrates

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Under the circumstances I think the OP is behaving very graciously indeed. I'm not sure that I could but at least they are ensuring that no doors are firmly closed for the future.

The whole thing is very, very strange. I can't imagine wanting to marry someone without meeting a single member of their family first.

I agree. Though in some cases i am surprised people go ahead after having me the family!

Welshwoofs

FATBALLZ wrote: »

Disagree. So if your partner told you their family were a bunch of nasty !!!!!! you'd refuse to take his word for it

I'd ask him what they had done and why he considered them nasty !!!!!!. It'd be rather odd to not be curious about why someone has cut their entire family out of their lives.

However, your example isn't really relevant to this because, as we can see, the Op and her son are on speaking terms and he seems perfectly happy to accept financial gifts to help him through university.

lostinrates

Wickedkitten wrote: »

Why would you wonder about it? Not everyone wants their entire family about when they get married, it doesn't mean that they don't love them.

We had no family at our wedding. Having one side would have felt uneven and hurtful.

Welshwoofs

Wickedkitten wrote: »

Why would you wonder about it?

Most people would wonder what the deal was if they went to a wedding where not a single member of the other side's family were there. The obvious whispers would be "Is he an orphan, brought up in care?", "Do his family not approve of this marriage?", "Has he fallen out with his family....I wonder why?"

People are curious and having a full set of relatives from one side and not a bloody one from the other is really unusual.

Perhaps he does detest his family (and it's not just his Mother is it because he rejected his Father and his Brother too), but if that's so - he should man up and tell them what his issues are and not accept money from them.

BitterAndTwisted

He's been distancing himself from his mother for a while, it seems. Not wanting to go home for Christmas. I can think of one particular religious organisation which doesn't believe in celebrating Christmas. Which might explain why the "other side" might not think it odd for the son's family not to have been invited.