Not told of Son's wedding

MarilynMonroe_2

My brother did the same thing, just sent a wedding photo out of the blue! maybe it's a son thing?

globetraveller

Wickedkitten wrote: »

Why would you wonder about it? Not everyone wants their entire family about when they get married, it doesn't mean that they don't love them.

that is what I responding to. I hadn't realised you had changed your mind and said differently

rollnchips

I think for some people, wedding have been blown out of proportion and have became this massive event. Most people I know got married without their family there, so only the witnesses (friends) needed or had very small and intimate weddings.

Maybe the OP is an interfering old cow and the son doesn't want her there on his day. Your only getting one side.

Welshwoofs

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

He's been distancing himself from his mother for a while, it seems. Not wanting to go home for Christmas. I can think of one particular religious organisation which doesn't believe in celebrating Christmas.

I had a boyfriend long ago whose parents were Jehovah's and were spectacularly 'odd'. I met them once (they invited us to dinner and then stood and watched us eat....they wouldn't eat with us) and once was enough...they really didn't like mixing with 'non believers' and that extended to their own children :huh:

Wonder if the bride (and now the son) are JWs!

Welshwoofs

rollnchips wrote: »

Maybe the OP is an interfering old cow and the son doesn't want her there on his day. Your only getting one side.

And the reason he didn't want his Brother or Father there either? They're interferring too?

Also, if he considers the op an 'interferring old cow', why take money off her? Not very noble that, is it.

Northern_Princess

My niece got married and the first time we knew was via Facebook. My sister was devastated as niece had visited her 2 days before. 50 of the grooms family were present and only her best friend was there.

My sister has always been welcoming of her hubby as have the rest of the family, however it transpires he felt like he "didn't fit in" with our family :think: We have no idea why he thought that as he has spent many weekends/family occasions with us as well as Christmas etc.

They had their wedding and reception at a hotel 10 minutes from us. My niece came to visit my sister a week after the wedding and when asked why she had not invited her mum only said that her husband does "not feel comfortable" around her family We didn't even know they were engaged let alone getting married. It's a very hurtful situation for all involved given we thought we were a close family.

I hope the OP gets some sort of explanation from her son as I know how hurtful it is having been a doting auntie and wondering if I have done anything 'wrong'

Wickedkitten

poet123 wrote: »

Is that usual though for one side to have such a different perception of a relationship than the other?

Everyone has issues with their adult kids, but underlying all that there is usually love, or one would hope so in the majority of cases, (barring major abuse etc) I would think that the OP would know if she had done something or if their relationship was so damaged that this kind of thing was to be expected, she clearly didn't.

Feel free not to answer, but do your parents realise how you feel about them and why?

Since you asked, I will answer as honestly as I am able. My mother knows exactly how I feel yet she would rather put forward the farce that everything is hunky dory because to her outside appearances are more important than actual fact.

poet123

Northern_Princess wrote: »

My niece got married and the first time we knew was via Facebook. My sister was devastated as niece had visited her 2 days before. 50 of the grooms family were present and only her best friend was there.

My sister has always been welcoming of her hubby as have the rest of the family, however it transpires he felt like he "didn't fit in" with our family :think: We have no idea why he thought that as he has spent many weekends/family occasions with us as well as Christmas etc.

They had their wedding and reception at a hotel 10 minutes from us. My niece came to visit my sister a week after the wedding and when asked why she had not invited her mum only said that her husband does "not feel comfortable" around her family We didn't even know they were engaged let alone getting married. It's a very hurtful situation for all involved given we thought we were a close family.

I hope the OP gets some sort of explanation from her son as I know how hurtful it is having been a doting auntie and wondering if I have done anything 'wrong'

Goodness, I hope I am not speaking out of turn here, but the alarm bells would be ringing loudly here for me. That smacks of extreme control on his part and submission on hers. If he could not grin and bear it for one day, and/or she could not put her foot down and say I am inviting my closest family then that is a very unequal relationship imo.

Gigglepig

A narcissist parent would probably consider themselves a great parent and have no idea why their kids did not agree.

There are other "issues" as well where people are not very self-aware.

These are just examples and I think we have way too little information here to know why OP's son acted as he did.

I would not condemn the OP either for accepting the financial support towards uni. If for some reason he feels let down by his family then the money is at least something, even if it cannot replace a close relationship.

The religious angle is interesting - some people are "searching" when they go to uni, others are really lost and are easy pray for spiritual 'special interest groups' ...

OP good luck to you and please do come back and let us know how you are getting on after speaking to your son.

poet123

Wickedkitten wrote: »

Since you asked, I will answer as honestly as I am able. My mother knows exactly how I feel yet she would rather put forward the farce that everything is hunky dory because to her outside appearances are more important than actual fact.

Thanks, but deep down she does know, so she would be unlikely to put a thread on here like the OP? Who clearly doesn't know how or why her son did this.