Not told of Son's wedding

Wickedkitten

poet123 wrote: »

Thanks, but deep down she does know, so she would be unlikely to put a thread on here like the OP? Who clearly doesn't know how or why her son did this.

She wouldn't have put a thread on here, but she definitely has told her friends about it because one of them had a go at me about how I hadn't invited the sweet kind woman who put me in the hospital more than once to my wedding.

Not saying this is the case with the OP, but like you said yourself, deep down, people do know, imo they just don't want to admit to it

Northern_Princess

poet123 wrote: »

Goodness, I hope I am not speaking out of turn here, but the alarm bells would be ringing loudly here for me. That smacks of extreme control on his part and submission on hers. If he could not grin and bear it for one day, and/or she could not put her foot down and say I am inviting my closest family then that is a very unequal relationship imo.

You're not speaking out of turn at all as we all thing the same thing and are extremely worried about her. She used to visit us all regularly (they both did) but we haven't seen her in months now and texts or calls are never returned. They did send a thank you card for the £200 wedding gift from hubby and I - that was the last we have heard from them. My heart goes out to my sister, she is beside herself with worry.

Taadaa

NorthernPrincess, I can understand your concerns. It's a classic sign on an unhealthy relationship when one party is isolated from their friends and family by the other. There are always people we get along with more than others, but on a wedding day to persuade the bride to have any of her family there is very worrying. I would go and visit the house if I hadn't heard from her for months to be honest, just to check that everything is okay. She may not appreciate the intrusion but to never answer any calls or even texts....? If she doesn't want anything to do with you, she should say so herself, not bow down to someone else's wishes.

RuthnJasper

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

I suspect a change of philosophy or spiritual outlook might be at the root of this issue. There are a number that I can think of which would attempt to be isolating in this way. Not naming names, of course

This is precisely what I was going to suggest. I wonder if the OP's son has joined some kind of religion/cult that doesn't permit close contact with non-members? Scientology, I know, has a very clear policy called "Disconnection" which forces contacts to be severed with all non-Scientology friends and relations, however close. Jehovah's Witnesses and the Moonies also, I believe, operate in such ways and I know of at least one radical evangelical "Christian" group that promotes these views.

Even my parents are very strict religiously and, before they retired were missionaries - I remember asking, when I was about 12, what happened if someone within "the mission" married someone who wasn't in it, and was rather appalled to be told that either the partner would have to join or the member would have to leave.

In my experience, these strictures rarely end well for anyone. But it's those on the "business end" of enforced separation who suffer the most.

I am very, very sorry Maggy. But from what you have posted here, I cannot see that this was your fault and I don't think you have anything to be blaming yourself for.

If it IS a religious group thing, that would explain the presence of her family and the absence of yours. Personally, whilst not overly-religious myself (I'm a great disappointment to my parents!), I think a lot of these breakaway groups would do well to remember that at the heart of most mainstream religions is a simple message of love, forgiveness, openness and tolerance... but that's an argument too big even for history to comprehend.

Maggy - I think it's fantastic that you are still endeavouring to be there for your son and his new wife. It might not be easy, but you're doing the best that you can, which says a lot about you as a person and a mum.

Best wishes to you - hope there are happier times ahead for you. xx

Northern_Princess

Taadaa wrote: »

NorthernPrincess, I can understand your concerns. It's a classic sign on an unhealthy relationship when one party is isolated from their friends and family by the other. There are always people we get along with more than others, but on a wedding day to persuade the bride to have any of her family there is very worrying. I would go and visit the house if I hadn't heard from her for months to be honest, just to check that everything is okay. She may not appreciate the intrusion but to never answer any calls or even texts....? If she doesn't want anything to do with you, she should say so herself, not bow down to someone else's wishes.

My sister has emailed my niece at work (we know he has no access to her work emails) and still she gets no answer She has said to niece any time of the day or night she can contact any of us and also added a 'reminder' of our house and mobile numbers (so she has them if they have been 'lost from her contacts on her mobile). We are actually afraid to go near the house (for fear it may may make niece's life worse if she is being abused in some way which we suspect). We were talking about it last night and think the best way forward is to sit in the car park at nieces work place to try and talk to her before she goes in in the morning. We don't mean to interfere in her life - just need to know she's ok and that she knows she can come to any of us at any time.

Unfortunately love can be blind and you don't always see when you're being abused. I've been there and never saw the alienation from friends and family at the time I'm afraid.

Taadaa

Well there is no guarentee that she is still working there. Perhaps phone and ask the operator or receptionist first to save a wasted journey.

pollypenny

Oh, Maggy, this is heart-breaking! A quiet wedding is one thing, but to have 30 of her family is extremely hurtful. I really feel for you!

I can only reiterate points others have made about the mature you you have reacted by sending a card and wishing them well. I hope your son does not exclude you from other aspects of his life.

jellyhead

Taadaa wrote: »

I would go and visit the house if I hadn't heard from her for months to be honest, just to check that everything is okay.

Me too, she could pretend she was passing that way.

Do it while he's out of the house, maybe.

EDIT - I took a while to write that, and didn't see your earlier post.

Northern_Princess

Taadaa wrote: »

Well there is no guarentee that she is still working there. Perhaps phone and ask the operator or receptionist first to save a wasted journey.

She's still there. We work for the same Council but at different locations and in different Departments.

Getting back to the OP, I really do hope you and your son manage to sort any issues out.

Blackpool_Saver

Jehovahs witnesses do not cut everyone off, that's total rubbish, there are over the top fanatics in all religions but not all witnesses are like that