Not told of Son's wedding

Oliver14

Judi wrote: »

What i am saying is, no matter how your son or daughter in law felt about you, you really ought to have been invited.

I say again why? There is no good reason

Judi wrote: »

If i risked my Mother In Law making a scene and spoiling my wedding day, so your son and his wife could have made an effort by at least inviting you and shame on your son for disrespecting your feelings.

Just because you made the choice to have someone at your wedding that you don't really like does not mean everyone else should. It was your choice for your wedding as it was the OPs sons choice for his wedding.

michelle2008

I am so sorry. Your son is either very cruel or very immature. What a way for your new daughter in law to become part of your family!!

You do need to ask him why you weren't invited and point out that he treated his family completely differently to hers. I am sure other guests were asking why his mother wasn't there - they must have given her family a reason.

Your son needs to man up and accept he did a very hurtful thing.

I hope it works out.

CH27

Sadly lots of people seem to think more of their rights than of their responsibilities & basic good manners.
I'll do whatever I want & S*d everyone else. Sadly these people are also the ones who have massive tantrums when people treat them the same way.

Gigglepig

If they have chosen to have her family there and not his, and since the gf has not met her in-laws it sounds like it won't have anything to do with her? The reason is more likely to be with he son.

OP it is great that you are focusing on your son and not the DIL. (It would probably be less painful to just blame the GF/DIL).

It could be that the son is not who OP thinks, but if she has not had noticed anything previously it is perhaps unlikely that he'd change overnight.

Perhaps there are other family members the son wanted to avoid, and by not inviting the whole family was a non-contfrontational way of not having one or more family members there? This does not need to have anything to do with the OP at all.

Perhaps the marriage ceremony was unimportant to the son, and he didn't care who was there, while the GF wanted her family there and invited them. Maybe they split the organising so she did the invites for hers and and he didn't bother with his part. Who knows.

I agree with posters above that it may also be that the son sees his relationship with his mother very differently from how she sees it.

Some times, when people have issues they don't see it. Some quite difficult, abusive parents think they are great, in particular if they have a narcissist streak.

I'm not saying that OP has been a bad parent, but it sounds like she needs to talk with the son to find out how he views her/his family relationships.

So OP, pick up the phone. Firstly to your son, but if that does not help, perhaps there are also other people in the family who can help shed light on this.

Bambam

My heart goes out to you Maggy. I think I would be able to handle my son having a 'low key' wedding without inviting me if he were going to, say Las Vegas but, like you I would be devastated to find out on a social networking site and hurt to know that the family of the bride were invited and I had been excluded, for whatever reason.

Is there any chance that you could offer to throw a 'celebration party' for the happy couple? You could then get to know your new daughter-in-law. I'm sure there'll be lots of happy times ahead when the grandchildren start arriving. Good luck!

DUTR

poet123 wrote: »

Regardless of the state of the relationship (barring a non speaking issue that has been long standing) which doesn't seem to be the case here, he should have had the common decency to tell her by letter, email, phone, FB messaging himself before or immediately after the event.

Perhaps, but the deed is done now and we cannot change the past.
It is not a sly on the OP, perhaps he may have felt his Mum would have interfered, we do not know as the son is not here to defend his position.

duchy

I agree what is done is done.
I do find it's a bit odd the OP has not even met the new partner -It might be her family are the controlling ones and son just went along with it not even realizing how hurt his Mum would be. He's awfully young to be getting married -if he's still at uni. Maybe she's pregnant and it was all done in a rush and he didn't have the guts to tell his Mum ? He doesn't sound very mature.

poet123

Oliver14 wrote: »

Why? If they don't get on it's his decision. There seems to be this strange idea that Parents have this 'right' that excludes anything else. They don't they are people if you don't like or get on with them it's fine and your decision what contact you have. Just because they gave birth to you does not mean they have some unalienable rights above. anyone else. if you don't like them you don't have to tell them or involve them in anything that's your choice as an Adult and a Human Being.

I don't think that parents have a right, but this OP clearly has no idea why this has happened. If we take that on face value, that suggests their relationship has not irretrievably broken down for heinous cries committed by the parents (and I accept there are some) So, some kind of relationship exists, one which the OP will need to re evaluate now it seems, but nevertheless a relationship exist, she has him on FB as a friend for example;).

Whilst he may not have wished to extend an invitation( and I agree that is entirely up to him) I do think as a son he has a moral obligation to at least tell his mother, under the circumstances of the relationship she has outlined. It was either very cowardly or very insensitive to let her find out as she did. Obviously, we only know one side of the story but taking it on face value I think he has behaved appallingly. Sorry OP:o even now, as a mother, it can't be easy to have your son spoken about this way.

peachyprice

To me is speaks volumes about the relationship between mother and son that firstly the son married without telling his family and secondly OP hasn't felt able to ask him why.

Those who are outraged obviously have a good relationship with their parents and wouldn't dream of doing such a thing or a good enough relationship with their children that they would feel able to ask why their child would do such a thing. OP hasn't, which leads me to the conclusion that there's more lacking in their relationship.

quintwins

Could it be that her family were paying for the wedding and he didn't want to add extra costs? or ask you to contribute any money? it could be he then put off telling you as he knew you would be upset.