Not told of Son's wedding

DUTR

jellyhead wrote: »

Facebook marriage is okay - it's when your 15 year old gets facebook engaged and he has a ring that you start to worry.

The thought of them getting married in 2 and a bit years ...

But it's one thing to get married with a couple of witnesses and nobody else - but to invite her family and not his, that is hurtful and I can see why OP is upset

I can sort of see why the OP maybe upset, however it seems odd that the OP has never met the partner, should the OP not be just glad that the offspring is healthy and content?

poet123

OP I feel incredibly sorry for you. The daughter of a friend of my mum did this years ago and her mother was devastated.

I can't imagine how I would feel. I do know that you appear to have handled it well thus far and much better than I would have done I suspect. If it was me I would have to go and see him and get to the bottom of it and let him see my hurt.

Best wishes.

juliethemuse

sorry maggy i'd be devastated if any of my 4 did this to me, i dont think i'd be sending anything to them as i'd be too upset.
i havent had the best relationship with my own mother. she has very strong moral views and was incredibly strict but she was still invited to the wedding.

CH27

What a sh*tty thing to do.

Fair enough get married on the quiet but that shouldn't included her family & not his.
And IMO he was bang out of order letting his mum find out via FB. HE should have told her personally.

DUTR

CH27 wrote: »

What a sh*tty thing to do.

Fair enough get married on the quiet but that shouldn't included her family & not his.
And IMO he was bang out of order letting his mum find out via FB. HE should have told her personally.

But as pointed out by somebody else, it is his and his partner's day, not anybody else's, they are doing it for them not anybody else, I agree he should have told the OP. But naturally there is more to the story than perhaps the OP is letting on

globetraveller

DUTR wrote: »

But as pointed out by somebody else, it is his and his partner's day, not anybody else's,

But it wasn't just their day- her family was there.

poet123

DUTR wrote: »

But as pointed out by somebody else, it is his and his partner's day, not anybody else's, they are doing it for them not anybody else, I agree he should have told the OP. But naturally there is more to the story than perhaps the OP is letting on

Regardless of the state of the relationship (barring a non speaking issue that has been long standing) which doesn't seem to be the case here, he should have had the common decency to tell her by letter, email, phone, FB messaging, etc, himself before or immediately after the event.

System

But it's one thing to get married with a couple of witnesses and nobody else - but to invite her family and not his, that is hurtful and I can see why OP is upset

So can i.

My MIL didnt approve of our marriage. To her i was just after what i could get (when actually i came into the relationship with a darned sight more than he did). She didnt like the fact i was a divorcee with two small children. However, she was still invited to our wedding. We had her buttonholes made up in case she chose to come.

A few days before our wedding she was ill and couldnt make it. We didnt cancel the wedding in case it was just a last minute attempt to sabotage the wedding (she was spiteful enough). I did suggest cancelling it but both my man and his sister couldnt guarentee she wasnt putting it on.

However, she did warm to me when she actually found i wasnt after her sons money and with hindsight, as she took to my children from my first marriage well and welcomed her first grandaughter from her son so well, i do wish we had cancelled our wedding and booked it at a later date. After she died (10 months later) my husband/her son found she had still kept the buttonhole from our wedding and had dried and pressed it.

What i am saying is, no matter how your son or daughter in law felt about you, you really ought to have been invited. If i risked my Mother In Law making a scene and spoiling my wedding day, so your son and his wife could have made an effort by at least inviting you and shame on your son for disrespecting your feelings.

Oliver14

poet123 wrote: »

Regardless of the state of the relationship (barring a non speaking issue that has been long standing) which doesn't seem to be the case here, he should have had the common decency to tell her by letter, email, phone, FB messaging himself before or immediately after the event.

Why? If they don't get on it's his decision. There seems to be this strange idea that Parents have this 'right' that excludes anything else. They don't they are people if you don't like or get on with them it's fine and your decision what contact you have. Just because they gave birth to you does not mean they have some unalienable rights above. anyone else. if you don't like them you don't have to tell them or involve them in anything that's your choice as an Adult and a Human Being.

jellyhead

Well, a mother doesn't have the right to be invited to the wedding but I agree with Poet that he should have told her about it himself before she saw it on facebook.