MSE Pregnancy Club 25

Rups32

thanks bamama.. xxxx

ps. i always make a mess when i pee into the long wee pot. stupid things. i end up having lots of tissue near me and also a plastic bag to put the damn thing into when i go to the doc.

Nephthys

CherryDrop - it's the same for me - pot rinsed and returned! Lol!

Rups - you and your DH really sound like you need to communicate a little more. Preferably calmly! Can the two of you get away somewhere for dinner or just out for a drink or something so you are away from home and can relax a little bit. From what I'm reading I think the 2 of you are getting stressed out and it's building up and up inside both of you and you're just not talking to each other. This is not criticism just an observation.

I think the two of you need time by yourselves - nobody staying, no well-meaning motherly intervention. This is time that you will never get back again once the baby is here - there's soon going to be 3 of you! My father gave me one piece of advice on my wedding day (and he's not one for that sort of thing) - "Never be afraid to have an argument but never ever go to bed cross with each other" and he was right - go Dad! It festers and makes things very unpleasant. Your hormones and as a result your moods are going to be very up and down right now - that is totally normal but your DH doesn't know/understand that and he never will (if he thinks its bad now then he's in for a bit of a shock after you've had bubba!) however, he really should be making more of an effort. His world is NOT ending - it's just beginning to go in a different direction - that's all. he just hasn't realised that yet.

Obviously the only 2 people who understand their relationship are the 2 people in it and only you and your DH can fix this. I'm probably not making a lot of sense here but you both just seem so easily irritated at each other! Marriage isn't easy honey and having a baby will put a big strain on things. Our friends were right when they told us that no matter how fab your marriage beforehand, a baby will always bring a new lelement into it and you find yourselves arguing over stupid stuff like who got 5 minutes more sleep!

Don't get upset about it - you need to figure out how to stop letting things go any further and do your part to resolve them. If he's still an arrogant a** afterwards then you have my permission to smack him one!!! Huge hugs to you lovey - it's not easy!

martafdz

Rups, you need to relax a bit hun. Try to focus a bit on your relationship at the moment and maybe less on the baby? The baby will tire you both even more, forget about who makes what noise at night, chances are that baby will keep you both awake.soon anyway. Think of this as practice period if you like!! Do not throw the towel so soon, iit seems to me you haven't really worked out your little issues but just argued.about them. Maybe each of you could do a list of how you feel and then sit down to read them? Try not to go into the "you do this and I don't", but more like "I feel this way when you do that". Idk, take into account that you are hormonal, maybe in normal circumstances you would not mind that much about half the stuff, your hormones are exaggerating the feelings and the mood. Maybe your DH needs also a bit of attention? Every household is different and I do not know yours, plus we usually post to rant rather than when we are all happy, but I cannot remember when you have said a nice thing about your DH, I mean, there must be something you like, you married him, think of that, be more positive. And stop talking about leaving, it kinds of put the monster out, as if it were an option to consider, when maybe deep inside you, you do not want that either, they are your hormones talking. Do not put the idea in his mind.

Rups32

sorry ladies. its just the way i feel. so drained and tired so def iam not thinking straight but it frustrates he doesnt get it!!! grrr. stupid men.. no you are right. last night i did think that i have to think about his positives and not always nag him and think of his negatives and wat he doesnt do as i am at fault for this too. he is such a stubborn so and so though and once angry he just cant reason. i am all up for communicating etc and i tell him how i feel, whereas he is such a man's man, he wants to just provde and protect and not tell me how he is feeling. he is just like that. even at the nct class when the men had to do an exercise which involved them being in pain and partners were supposed to encourage and say 'its ok, you are doing so well etc' he alrfeady told me to let him deal with the pain. lol. we are very different that way so i let him be. lol yes we need to communicate more but i am ready and soemtimes he isnt. i am of the same opinion of going to bed having sorted stuff but sometimes he needs time to think about stuff. we did talk about stuff just a bit though as i was crying and i said we need to work at things and he just cant get irriated at stuff so quickly. we are both tired so we get irriated so quickly. and i dont get the cuddles etc so i start getting more angry you know? he gave me one yest and this morning he said he loves me on his email. awwh bless him. sorry to go on here, it helps seeing your perspective too. xx

CherryDrop

Rups I agree with the ladies above. You really need to sort out any problems you and DH have before baby arrives. From what you say he goes out quite a lot but you don't really feel up to it? I can completely sympathise with not wanting to go out, i'm just so knackered lately, how about asking your friends round for the evening? Watch some DVDs and just catch up with your friends, I think you feel a little left out as he seems to be carrying on life as normal but you're stuck at home carrying this little wriggly bundle of joy trying your hardest not to do anything wrong for it!

He does also need to understand that you will be tired and you will be whingy but that's pregnancy, it did take two of you to make the decision to have the baby and to actually make it! Maybe he needs a book or something to explain what a ladies body actually goes through during this time AND afterwards? Like Neph says, if he thinks it's bad now he'll be in for a hell of a shock once baby arrives!

I think we all use the "i'll just leave, then" line at one point during pregnancy! I know I have, but don't use it as a weapon (i'm not saying it sounds like you did but just be careful) because maybe as much as the things he says to you upset you, maybe the words you use also hurt him too? If he said that to you i'm pretty sure you'd be really really upset that the thought of leaving would even cross his mind, so maybe that knocked him for six a little bit.

We're all here to listen to you rant, honey and I know in about half an hour you'll be preoccupied with your food anyway Just take a step back and breathe, think about things in the big scheme of things and hopefully you will be able to clear the air with DH xxx :grouphug:Dodgy hug for you.

CherryDrop

PS- you don't need to be sorry and blame yourself for everything, you are allowed to be upset x

Nephthys

That's what this board is for Rups besides the moneysaving aspect! To be able to talk about things and get another perspective. To get support and help from random internet strangers! lol!

What works for one man will not work for another. Your Dh just doesn't want to talk about his feelings - sounds like 99% of the men I know except for my DH. You can imagine how hard that was at the beginning. Suddenly I was with someone who would talk about his feelings! Don't force things too far, i fhe needs to think then let him - just tell him you want to talk about things in the morning when he's had time to process stuff and then let it go. If he doesn't cuddle you/touch you etc it doesn't mean he doesn't love you! Some men find pregnancy very weird and they don't really know how to deal with the changes in their other half's body. i was worried DH would jsut see me as the mother of his child after DS was born and not as his wife. That wasn't the case thankfully but it does happen to some men. Your DH just can't fathom the changes you are going through - for him the reality will come when bubba is in his arms. DH told me it didn't really compute for him until DS was in his arms after he was born. He just couldn't put himself in my shoes before that - they can't really as they can't feel what we can. It didn't mean that he loved me or the baby any less! Sometimes i wish there was a shot they could get to let them know what pregnancy hormones felt like! Lol!

Your DH also sounds to me like a man who just gets on with things and so just thinks you should accept everything you are going through and get on with it - would that be about right? That's just who is is love - you'll never change that about him. Accept it. he does love you - he does give you cuddles and tells you he loves you even if it is by email. Don't get overly stressed out by the s** thing either - there are many others ways to be intimate - talk to him rationally and see if you can understand his perspective on it. I'm not saying you shouldn't try and make him understand your point of view - not by a long shot but you have to meet each other half way!

Now, no more talking of leaving - you haven't been married long enough for that. Don't mention it in front of him again or he'll think that's what you want. Don't get angry - count to 10 and then see if you can see things from his perspective. It may not work but it's worth a try. And some day he may be able to see your side of it too!

None of this is meant as a lecture lovey - I just hate seeing you get all worked up!

Nephthys

CherryDrop wrote: »

We're all here to listen to you rant, honey and I know in about half an hour you'll be preoccupied with your food anyway Just take a step back and breathe, think about things in the big scheme of things and hopefully you will be able to clear the air with DH xxx :grouphug:Dodgy hug for you.

Mwah hah hah! I was wondering when the food discussion would begin! Hee hee! I second CherryDrop's dodgy hug!!

Rups32

awwh thanks sweety. yes maybe i am thinking all he wants to do is see his friends and not spend time with me, but from what he said, when i am irritable etc he doesnt want to be around me. i should let him get on with his stuff as the baby will def change stuff. he is very much of 'i need my space' and sometimes i tend to step into it a lot. this morning i sent him a text saying i was very upset yest and my body is going through a lot. he did reply and say we both need to work on things.

he is very sweet with homey tasks if i ask him. he does the bins and hoovers and cleaned up the room for my friend when i asked so he is lovely in that aspect of things. i think he gets annoyed at me nagging (which man doesnt?). but i need to put across the point of him making time for me before baby gets here and not just his mates you know? x

hmm yes i was thinking what i can have for lunch. is that the time? i got up late today to start work, oops.

Bamama

You're such a little worrier aren't you darling?

Only things I can add to what the ladies have already said (which they've put much better than I could ever have done)... is to explain to him that being moody/tired annoys you too but there isn't much you can do about it.

I'd also recommend telling him when you're having a good day and say that he should do something to make the most of it before you start complaining again. I do it with OH and it seems to work
Don't wait for cuddles either... go steal them, or a quick grope of his bum

Like marta said, you married him for a reason. Try and remember that when he's being an a*se.