MSE Pregnancy Club 25

morocha

My mother in law will be my labour partner. She is lovely, like my second mum but still i wont let her see anything, she will be by my side and not looking down like she did when DD was born.
My DH is not good in hospitals at all, so he will stay and babysit our 5 yo.

Rups32

That is good in a way bamama that she will be there. i think i prefer not having my MIL or mum in with me, as i couldn bear it them looking etc lol. my mum would make me panic..

morocha yeah hard for DH to understand or he wont so sometimes hard for me.. so will go stay with her this weekend, and we will see after birth if can go one or two days? lol. nightmare..

Rups32

my dh would def take controlf of stuff so would prefer him there but if he starts shouting at me etc i will throw him out as he gets very impatient with everything!!!

Bamama

I took my mother for moral support when having my bloods done, she hid behind the nurse and was looking a bit pale! Now I don't mind having bloods done as such. I do worry I'll faint afterwards though... I'd be realy embarressed to be a big lump on the floor with people around me. But after she hid, I won't be asking her again! She put me right on edge lol.

OH will keep me sane. Only other person I think I would allow in would be my dad. He's amazing and just the best father ever tbh. But OH has been told that I'll probably shout at him and call him names and cry... and not to get angry with me. He's agreed not too. I've got a strong feeling he'll be too weepy to get annoyed anywho!

morocha

bamama, that is such a sweet thing to say about your dad !

morocha

i just did not want to talk to anyone when i was in labour, i wanted to be on my own... my MIL respeted that and left me in the corner of the room dealing with it. DH could not stand in seeing me in such a pain... good for him i did not feel like speaking at all.

Rups32

That is hon.. it made me teary... dads are good i think when it comes to stuff like this more than dh.. I wish i knew mine.. i knew him as my uncle as i was adopted and the man i call who is in Kenya, does not care anymore, as he got married again and has his own kids. he didnt come to my wedding.:(

Bamama

Well he it's true so it should be said

I'm more of a quiet person when I'm in pain. My piercist knew he'd done something wrong when I actually opened my mouth during a rather difficult piercing. Hoping I don't say anything to offend OH though... but he's been pre-warned that it won't mean anything.

What birth plans do you have ladies? I'm hoping that I'll be able to use the birthing pool at my local. It's a birth centre so everything has to be going smoothly for me to go there in the first place. But atm I see no reason why not. I've been told I'm all good. Have been given a low dose iron tablet though. This is of no surprise as OH is vegetarian and I eat the same as him mostly. He doesn't really do green veg so I haven't been able to make up the iron that way either. Our birth centre has double beds so OH will be able to stay with me if I have to stay in over night, most women are in and out the same day though. Gonna try and stick with just gas+air. But I'm open to anything... will just have to see how painful it really gets.

martafdz

My DH will be my birthing partner but I asked him to be by my side, rubbing my back, no going down there to see anything, lol. I do not think he would be up for that either anyway. I want him by my side or at least in the same room, just to share the moment and hearing him telling me I am doing ok.

Rups, it is a hard thing to deal with I guess, but there must be a compromise somewhere being a mixed marriage, as you said. I can't really give very good advice in that sense, we are both very "we now do what we want and start our own traditions", so we did not follow many so far, some family got upset though! My mum did not speak to me for a year after I went and got married on my own, but now she has moved on (I think). We did everything as we, as a couple, wanted. If you do want to go to your mums and follow the tradition, maybe compromise on how many weeks? Is your DH getting paternity leave? If so, I understand it would be annoying staying at home with a basic pay to be with you two, and then you going somewhere else. I personally would not do it just because other people want me to or it is expected of me, if both my husband and I wanted something else... but then I do not have a strong traditional culture behind like you do. However, for me, culturally your husband also expects to be able to be with you and his newborn baby immediately afterwards. Whatever you plan to do, it is best to get it sorted as soon as possible, so by the time the baby arrives everybody knows what you will be doing, you do not want to be having a massive argument just after delivery I guess. I think the best compromise would be for your mum to go and stay with you, it might not be the tradition but it is half way, your husband can stay with you and your mum can assist you during the first weeks. It is not my business and I know that it is difficult for me to even think what I would do in your place, since my circumstances are not that similar, but you need to find the balance between your marriage and the family, otherwise your husband might resent everything that has to do with your family and their traditions if he feels these always mean he is the one making the sacrifices. I wish I could really put myself in your place and understand what it feels like, I would probably come up with a much better advice, but our differences are mainly language, food and some social customs or ways to express politeness, nothing really compared to having opposite traditions

Bamama

Oh Rups don't now cause you'll make me teary too! At least you seem to have a very loving relationship with your mother

My dad was on stand-by to go in with my step-sister (her mother is squeemish and step-sis wasn't sure if her OH would be there at the time). My old step-sister also told my dad that if her sons ever asked, then my dad was their grandfather... not her biological father. He really is something special