MSE Pregnancy Club 25

missbunbury

Awww dizzi you poor thing, I knew from previous posts you'd had a difficult time previously but I didn't realise you were so freaked out this time. Like the last person said, is there any way you could go elsewhere?

As far as the social services thing goes, I know it's scary to have had them involved, a family member of mine had her son on the at risk register for a couple of years because he had several head injuries in quick succession (he was a dangerous combination of fearless and clumsy!) so I know you can find yourself in that position even when there is no call for it. It totally freaked her out same as you, and she got quite depressed about it. When she went to the GP to discuss it, he said "honestly try not to worry, I've come across kids whose parents are injecting heroin and living in filth and social services can't take their kids off them".

Not to say it's easy not to worry but please try to remind yourself that you are a good mum every single day regardless of what once happened in one hospital, and you can look at your little one and see that for yourself. This next baby will be just as loved and needs you to look after yourself and stay positive, just keep thinking that the birth will be completely different from last time and once it's all over you should be back home much sooner so the stress of the hospital should be much less this time round. Just grit your teeth while you're there and keep looking forward to getting home with your new baby hun x

olgadapolga

dizziblonde wrote: »

My hospital sent me to the shower with five used maternity pads already living in it - I named them after the members of Take That when they were still living there a few days later!

I need to have a LONG talk with the midwife I think to see what my options are - after the train wreck that was the last birth, I'm still in no way shape or form mentally at all right - had the mandatory nightly crying spell again at 3am this morning both replaying what went on last time and fretting about this time again and again. Not sure what else I can do to try to at least file it away so I don't have to replay it - I've tried the Birth Trauma Association who weren't much use since they're mainly women who were physically damaged (at least on their FB group) and it was the emotional impact of how I was treated and what went on (although I make a joke about it all now a lot) that destroyed me... Bliss helped a bit dealing with the prematurity angle, but I'm already on as much anxiety medication as I can take and need to withdraw from that fairly soon too... and I'm still having nightmares and flashbacks on a nightly basis over it all.

For those who don't know - with the SPD I had last time and this time I was terrified of permanent damage and being left in that level of pain forever - and although I was just about dealing with the going in for to be checked out turning into waters leaking and the idea of a prem baby and having to do the entire labour on 2 paracetamol as no one would check to even know I'd dilated... when the baby got into difficulty (at least partly because they were physically holding me down onto the bed to keep the trace machine on while pulling my legs apart causing me real pain in my pelvis doing so) they got very confrontational over it all and me panicking at the idea of them doing a spinal and forceps - I was scared they'd force my legs too far open and wreck my pelvis permanently - although I couldn't really convey that to them... in the end they bullied me into what they wanted (and did exactly what I feared - one hip in particular has never ever been right since) - but I got back from the first time I got to hold her down in neo-natal to find they'd called social services on me for child protection issues as I'd been a "resistant patient" down in the labour suite... had to go through the full child-risk investigation process... and although we have no case to answer - we'll always remain on their records as "known to social services". I've since found out the hospital in question have past form of doing this to anyone who questions what they want to do to them - and I have nightmares about childhood bumps and bashes leading to them looking at us again and coming for her... and so this time I'm utterly terrified of speaking or acting out of line at all and triggering any interest in me - so birth plans and wishes and all that are pretty pointless as I HAVE to let them do whatever they want to me without question to save both my children... which is really messing with my head. I've been terrified throughout that there'd be some kind of obligation to tell SS in advance I'm pregnant again - there isn't apparently - and ever since DD1 was born - I've been parenting with one eye toward covering my backside in case they get interested in me again - making sure she's at baby clinic more often than most parents bother, making sure we're seen regularly at the children's centre and the like - just so I have as much "proof" as I can that we're doing the right stuff.

Yet I've got nowhere I can talk it through, no way of appealling what went on - and even if I mention it on places like here - the resident harpies of "you'd only have been reported if you'd done something to warrant it" kick in - so there's no way of even beginning to deal with it... as the birth gets nearer, and passing the viability point really triggered off a lot of it, I'm getting more and more scared of how I'll cope and if I'll (again) totally innocently, trying to protect my own wellbeing (and by consequence that of the family who deserve a mother who isn't wracked with pain and can't walk) versus the doctors who at at least one of the local hospitals (hopefully the one I'm NOT going back to although the units close to new admissions fairly often here so it's touch and go where I'll end up) have stated to me regularly "oh we don't actually care about the women - we're only interested in the babies"... and I'm an insomniac mess about it all.

I am so sorry that you had to go through this, it sounds awful. Have you tried Birth Crisis? It was founded by the most amazing woman, Sheila Kitzinger - website is http://www.sheilakitzinger.com/birthcrisis.htm

Molly41

Dizzi - you can have your baby in any maternity unit so please dont think you are constrained. Also an Independent Midwife would be very understanding but it does cost around £3000 :eek:

Try to become empowered and not a victim x

Saffagal

Evening ladies

I can officially move into this thread now as had my 24 week midwife appt today - though I admit I've been reading here for months
Measurements were spot on, and baby's heart beat was strong and steady. Hehe baby kept moving away from the doppler and giving a good kick at the same time.

My maternity leave is booked at work - I have a maximum of 51 days of work left (not counting weekends and my days off); if I don't need to use any AL for snow days, I have only 47 days of work left - woo hoo!

We've not bought anything for baby either yet; apart from one set of 0 - 3 sleepsuits. My friend is giving me a moses basket, stand, car seat, baby bath and a carrier so just need a new mattress and some bedding, clothes and nappies to get started as we'll be able to leave the hospital with the car seat, and baby will have somewhere to sleep.

dizzi, your last experience sounds awful - I'm not sure whereabouts you are but have you spoken to your GP about a referral to a counselling service to give you a space to talk it through to help come to terms with your experience. I say this only as what has happened, can't be changed. I hope that a complaint was put into the hospital and against the staff involved; without formal complaints put in things won't change. Similarly, good staff/service should also be recognised.

Hope that a good evening is had by all and Rups, hope that your little one gets a wriggle on. Bamama, hope that it won't be long before you and Dewi are home.

Saf xx,

dizziblonde

I had counselling via a charity - it helped in a limited amount... this time everyone is just doing the blooming annoying relentlessly positive thing of "ooooh it'll be different this time you'll go to term and be out in 6 hours" and ignoring what I'm saying!

I never had the nerve to put in a complaint - with falling pregnant again so shortly after I don't feel confident enough to rock the boat so to speak. Have since found out they've done this to a few women - seems to be a tool they use partially to "tame" women into letting them do what they want to them!

As for an independent midwife - wish I had three grand to spend lol!

Got all the eldest's birthday prezzies bought at least anyway - was one of the big things I wanted sorting prior to getting anywhere near due date with this one - at least if I end up with another lengthy hospital stay doing tube feeds and stuff again this time, I can get them to bring the prezzies in and we'll have her first birthday in the hospital ward if needs be (and stuff the staff if they have any objections there)!

Just socks and tights and scratch mitts to wash of the newborn stuff and I think I'm sorted till 0-3 months then - all organised into drawers. Just need to organise who'll have Big Miss for a few hours while my parents come down from up north when I go into hospital (I have one person on standby, hubby's asking his work colleague as well) and then I think I'm as ready as we'll ever be and can go back to stockpiling the next stages of big girl clothes in advance again and faffing about hospital bag packing. So I'm about on a par with last pregnancy in terms of being organised time-wise which is what I wanted really.

Now if the fireworks outside wake Big Missy up I shall be explosive myself!

Saffagal

Dizzi, I find people who don't fully understand or are unable to appreciate how you're feeling about a situation, esp a traumatic experience, are more likely to focus on a positive attitude - don't get me wrong, positive thinking can go some way, but actually feeling that you're being heard AND listened to makes an even bigger difference.

It is never too late to put in a complaint; I work in the health service and sadly know from experience that management take far more notice of complaints from patients than anything that staff report so if you feel strong enough once your new bundle is safely here you can still submit a complaint - it may be a catalyst that stops others from having your experience.

Glad that you've your daughter's birthday sorted out and everything else on track for your arrival.

I keep feeling like I need to get sorted; my friend who's giving me some bits is bringing them all on Saturday so thereafter I can do a little shopping too.

missty25

Hi,

Dizziblonde I had an eventful first birth, not prem but developed pre eclampsia and was sent home at 2 cm dilated with no progression in 4 hours. Then had to go to another hospital 1 hour away rather than the local one. I had a whole host of interventions, waters broken, oxytocin to help contractions and dilation, magnesium sulphate to prevent eclamptic fitting. Epidural with forceps delivery followed by PPH and a 3 pint blood transfusion. I know not the same as what you went through but I can totally sympathise, I'm having sleepless nights worrying about this time and things going wrong. Feel free to PM if you like.

I try to be positive and think the typical/stereotypical no births are the same and hopefully things will go better, but my consultant has said I've got a 1 in 6 chance of pre eclampsia and PPH again.

Roll on April when this LO is due.

Bamama

Thanks Saf. I went to annoy the girls in the newborn thread. Dewi fed for 20min after I purchased some nipple shields. This was his first proper feed! Just see how he goes now

Dizzi... I can't offer any advice or even pretend to know anything about how you feel. i can however send you all my love and a virtual *hug* xxx

Queen_B_3

Hello Saffagal, I'm glad your midwife appointment went well today. Sounds like you are starting to get organised. Babies don't need a lot when they are newborn but you wouldn't think so if you saw the stash of stuff in our nursery that we have. It's all great fun!

Missty25 if you would like to be added to the list let me know your EDD and sex of baby (if known)

Yaye for Dewi feeding Bamama!

Hope everyone is having a good NYE, am currently vegging in front of the TV watching Bridget Jones diary and scoffing trifle, hubby at work.

Just think we will all (fingers crossed) have our babies next year!

Rups32

Hi all. how are you?

well mine is def going to be a 2013 baby by the looks of it. lol. no signs yet! oh well hey?

dizzi so sorry to hear about your eventful birth at the hosp. that is horrid and if you have the energy you should def complain as that is nasty and no one should be treated like you were. lots of hugs sweety and really hope everything goes well this time round. xx

just vegging at home too with dh. he is playing game and i am online now. am already tired now and ready for bed so will go up soon.. that curry last night didnt help at all!!! i was woken up at 6 by tummy aches and i got excited however they were just poo pains and i had to go clear my belly and timed some pains for a bit and after 730 all vanished, so i went back to bed as had fallen asleep sitting on my bed against pillows. oh well hey?

then i am glad we kind of spent our day out and about, well food shopping mainly but i was glad to be out and not thinking too much about no signs... then went to see in laws which was nice and back home.. tummy keeps hardening but that is about it and the walking around tescos tired me out.. tomorrow we are off for lunch at the in laws so that would be nice and then on wednesday i see the midwife to plan the induction.. eek!!! not looking forward to that as i def will get a sweep then.. was going to sulk today but glad got busy. i guess bubba has a week left to be all cosy unless h/she changes their mind soon. got to try and relax hey as me being tense is prob not helping.. anyway sweeties have a lovely new years and speak tomorrow hopefully. xxx mwah xx