Hypothetically speaking........

Silver_123

madvixen wrote: »

There's a huge difference between wonky bits and domestic violence hun. If your son came to you and asked the same question that you'd asked what would your advice to him be?

Run. As fast as you can!

Lotus-eater

fifi_browne wrote: »

I know. He is not bad on the whole - just has wonky bits which we all do have.

I've just read your other thread, you continued to allow him to do that to your son.....

Yes, wonky bits.

I have actually a first for me on here, I'm feeling sick.

Silver_123

thatgirlsam wrote: »

How long have you been married?

Can you not move out and stay somewhere for a bit? You might find being alone isn't as bad as you think...

Together about 10 years, married for 6 - ish. HUGE mortgage. I don't want to impose myself on someone else.

jayII

thatgirlsam wrote: »

I think when you get caught up in that whole domestic violence thing then a lot of common sense and 'normal' priorities goes out the window.

I struggle to understand how the OP has let this happen myself but have known victims of DV and although we can see what they should do clearly, they cannot

I know all that but I could never imagine allowing someone to abuse my child. The OP has facilitated that bullying and abuse!

Myself, maybe. But I'd find the courage to walk away (with said child) if it was the only way I could protect a vulnerable person who relied on me.

I'm not able to help the OP here so I'm out of the thread.

madvixen

fifi_browne wrote: »

I just don't know how to go I suppose! And I am frightened too.

http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/

These guys were a huge help to me. They have a telephone helpline and a forum. Please give them a ring or at least have a look at some of the threads on their forum. You need to do what's best for you and your son. Don't fear being on your own, it really does get easier and you never know what new things could be just round the corner.

madvixen

fifi_browne wrote: »

Run. As fast as you can!

I think you've got your answer then hun.

duchy

I bet he has driven away all your friends as well as your family.

thatgirlsam

fifi_browne wrote: »

Together about 10 years, married for 6 - ish. HUGE mortgage. I don't want to impose myself on someone else.

But you'll let your OH impose his bullying on your son.

I'm sure there would be someone you know willing to help you, if you let them. Think about it.

amyloofoo

http://www.shelter.org.uk
http://www.refuge.org.uk
http://www.womensaid.org.uk
http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk
http://www.housing-rights.info/03_10_Women.html

There are lots of people who can help you - the above are national organisations but there are others who will be able to help locally. Approaching any of the top three organisations above and asking for help with housing should lead to you being able to find a hostel / safehouse place; alternatively, approach your local council's housing department and explain that you are fleeing DV and they also have a duty of care to you.

You have lots of options and shouldn't use housing as an excuse to stay in a situation that you know is wrong and damaging. Please, find your courage and make a plan to leave.

ikkle87

I'd leave, my ex used to make holes in doors and walls from punching them, throwing stuff, then one day a wall wasn't enough and he moved on to me. Doesn't matter whether it's once, twice or fifty times. I ended up ill and living in my grandparents spare room, but given the choice between that and him I'd do leave and start from scratch all over again.