Hypothetically speaking........

Silver_123

We've worked very hard to get a nice house/good standard of living. Walking out on this is difficult.

thatgirlsam

fifi_browne wrote: »

No, no children involved, my son disliked him so much he has gone to live with his dad in Australia. And yes, always my stuff gets smashed up - never his. Would be difficult financially though I do work. Yes there are holes in the doors, yes he smashed the back door in last night, and he smashed up my stuff last night too - grim! Thanks.

How dare he!

Have you suggested Anger Management?

thatgirlsam

fifi_browne wrote: »

We've worked very hard to get a nice house/good standard of living. Walking out on this is difficult.

Nice house... but with holes in doors etc

Think about living the rest of your life like this, can you do it?

Do you own the house jointly?

Bitsy_Beans

fifi_browne wrote: »

We've worked very hard to get a nice house/good standard of living. Walking out on this is difficult.

Well it won't stay nice if he keeps trashing everything :mad:

I know it's easy to tell you to leave but it's a question of priorities.......not sure I could live with someone so destructive. What's to stop him turning on you next?

ETA actually the rest of the time being OK-ish isn't enough to make me want to settle for living like that.

dragonette

fifi_browne wrote: »

We've worked very hard to get a nice house/good standard of living. Walking out on this is difficult.

And you can build it all back up on your own. And the current house won't stay nice for long if he's smashing it up.

I realise its difficult, and I don't envy you the decision (forgotten how to spell!!), but I wouldn't be able to stay. Not a chance in hell.

Good luck, whatever you decide to do

Jinx

Tropez wrote: »

Before I decided to leave, I would first make enquiries about local anger management courses, particularly those run by NHS mental health services for free.

Some people struggle to control their anger, possibly due to having never been taught ways to manage it appropriately. Rather than give up on them as a person, there are proven methods of helping someone deal with their anger more effectively if they are willing to put the effort into it.

I think the above is fair comment. However, I always doubt the lack of control bit - if he cannot control his anger funny how its the OPs stuff only that gets broken. Is that akin to how abusive hubbys who hit their wives manage to not hit where it will show??

amyloofoo

OP, we both know this isn't hypothetical at all. Please leave, now. It's possible that in the future you'd be able to get back together, if he got proper help and sorted his anger issues; but he won't be motivated to do this while you stay, and you won't be safe if it's not sorted.

Not only has he damaged your possessions and your house (the one place you should be able to feel completely safe), which shows a complete lack of respect for you; you also say that he's the reason your son has left. How long can you, or should you, live like this?

You say you'd find it hard financially and emotionally if you left - but focus on what you'd gain: your safety, self respect and a potentially improved relationship with your son...

madvixen

Get out! My ex started by smashing up my things and ended up by smashing me up so badly I spent a week in hospital. These things don't escalate to a timeframe so get out now while it's only property being damaged. Please.

Silver_123

Thank you - yes plenty of evidence of his trashing. Yes we own the house jointly. Yes horrendous his treatment and bullying to my son who eventually left. He has his own young kids, but has no input into them except financially.

jayII

Sorry, but I'd leave, pronto!!!!

I just couldn't live with that level of aggression and violence.

On top of that, I'd be worried that anyone who can disrespect me enough to smash up my posessions would be likely to turn on me at some point.