Hypothetically speaking........

GlynD

clearing_out_my_pockets wrote: »

GlynD

My ex had what he referred to as 'anger issues'. Like with OP's DH, he used to smash my things up and go mad at me every few months. I stayed with him because I loved him and he 'loved' me. After one scary episode where a photoframe he smashed (because it had a picture of a male friend in it) ended up cutting me I insisted he go to the doctor to 'sort out his mood swings'. He agreed. I went to the doctors with him. There was nothing wrong with him. He was just a vile bully.

So for you to say that you know what you are talking about is all well and good. But you only know what you are talking about in relation to *your* situation.

Incidentally, I stayed with my ex a while longer. For six months after we went to the doctors he was the perfect gentleman (without the help of medication). Then I went out for an evening with my best (female) friend and we were out later than my 'curfew'. Incidentally he hadn't told me what my curfew was and I didn't even live with him at the time. He went beserk. He was ranting about me being out late without him and saying that all things could have happened to me on the way home, I could have been assaulted etc. I responded saying that I'd barely had anything to drink, I'd got a taxi home and could look after myself. He then proceeded to test the theory of me 'looking after myself'. He beat me black and blue - arms, legs, torso. He also raped me. Yes, you can rape someone you are in a relationship with. He did this to prove how irresponsible I was for going out without him. Over the next few months, he cut me, burnt me and held my head in a bath of water. It took me nine months to pluck up the courage to leave him. My ex did NOT have a mental illness. He was just a very nasty man.

I stand by my comments, despite your horrendous experience. I know how I was and how I am now. I recommend everyone follow this path. It may not help all sufferers but it will ease the suffering for most. Not only is that my own experience but also refers to many experiences related to me by psychological healthcare professionals.

Most people wait too long because they don't understand mental health issues or they don't want to be judged (or have their OH judged). Take my word for it - see about it.

clearing_out_my_pockets

Original post removed x

GlynD

clearing_out_my_pockets wrote: »

No - I waited too long because I was adamant that there must be a medical reason. We did seek medical help before my ex assaulted me for the first time. I stayed, despite feeling unsafe around him. If I'd tructed my instinct, I wouldn't have suffered as I did.

You say it will 'ease the suffering for most' - my ex didn't suffer. I did. I'm glad you're a better person than you were 8 years ago but I really do feel that you probably are the exception rather than the rule...

I'm afraid my opinion differs from yours but hey, that's life.

clearing_out_my_pockets

Without wanting to derail the thread, what are you suggesting I should have done differently?

Tamsin_Temrin

GlynD - some people suffer terribly after dreadful experiences. It affects them in all sorts of dreadful ways and spills out onto the rest of the family. They need help and understanding and the support of their families.

Some people - male and female - just get their rocks off on other people suffering.

Advising someone to stay and be a punchbag isn't always helpful. If the OP wants to be supportive, I suggest that she does so from a safe distance. I suggest getting a bit of distance between her and her partner, and taking it from there (with the OP's partner not necessarily knowing where she is staying). I also suggest that it is the OP's partner that has to prove that they are suffering from medical problems and aren't getting their jollies off someone else's terror.

GlynD

clearing_out_my_pockets wrote: »

Without wanting to derail the thread, what are you suggesting I should have done differently?

I'm not suggesting anything. I'm only posting about helping the OP. No point in raking up other experiences as, in my experience, it will derail the thread. In all honesty you and I have already exchanged too many posts in debate(in my opinion) and are in danger of taking the whole thread off topic so, in the politest sense, I'd suggest we cease now and concentrate on the OP who's going through a helluva'n ordeal at this present time.

GlynD

Tamsin_Temrin wrote: »

GlynD - some people suffer terribly after dreadful experiences. It affects them in all sorts of dreadful ways and spills out onto the rest of the family. They need help and understanding and the support of their families.

Some people - male and female - just get their rocks off on other people suffering.

Advising someone to stay and be a punchbag isn't always helpful. If the OP wants to be supportive, I suggest that she does so from a safe distance. I suggest getting a bit of distance between her and her partner, and taking it from there (with the OP's partner not necessarily knowing where she is staying). I also suggest that it is the OP's partner that has to prove that they are suffering from medical problems and aren't getting their jollies off someone else's terror.

You're entitled to your opinion. I just happen to disagree because I don't feel you've read my posts through. As with Pockets however I suggest that any debate on the issue only takes the thread off topic and detracts from the OP's current problems. Let's concentrate on being supportive.

pearl123

GlynD - I do find it rather ironic that you have used the latin quote below on the bottom of your page! :eek:

"I have a catapult. Give me all your money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head"

Interesting! Very peace and love!

GlynD

pearl123 wrote: »

GlynD - I do find it rather ironic that you have used the latin quote below on the bottom of your page! :eek:

"I have a catapult. Give me all your money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head"

Seems a bit of a !!!! take!

I'm so delighted you noticed it. Many others have and found it amusing although you're the first to find it ironic. It's really just a bit of fun - in Latin of course.

Yorkie1

GlynD wrote: »

Fifi you've read what I've posted and what I used to be like against what I am now. You've seen other posters come onboard and try to tell you that what I have said can't be true, that it can't be a mental illness. While you seem to have made your mind up I suggest that before you take any action you try one more time, by telephone if necessary, to persuade your husband to seek help from your GP. That's if you care enough about him to take that step.

The alternative is the path most people seem to be persuading you to take and which you now seem set on. I wouldn't blame you if you did because you've suffered enough.

Glyn I tried to be sympathetic to you but you have twisted what I posted. Please do not do that.

I said that you could not make a definitive medical diagnosis. I did NOT say that PTSD was an impossible medical diagnosis; just that DV does not automatically equal mental illness.

As a professional I previously worked in the DV field and, believe me, the vast majority of people I encountered had no mental ill health issues whatsoever.

OP, you will know whether mental ill health is a reasonable issue for you to consider (as Glyn rightly said), but do not feel guilt-tripped into it by Glyn's suggestion that you don't care about him if you discard it.