Dealing with your baby's grandparents

Bennifred

Blue_Monkey wrote: »

. You do have to relenquish (sp?) some control ..........




No, you don't if you don't want to.
Your baby - your rules.
I decided I'd rather upset MIL than have her upset the baby - and I did! Too bad..........:o

mumps

After month of aggro we told my MIL that it was very sad but if she couldn't respect our views we wouldn't be able to see her any more. It was quite amazing how she instantly was able to remember things that she hadn't been able to remember in previous months. Looking back on it I don't suppose any of it was that bad but when you are a new mum you just don't need it. I try very hard to be supportive to my DIL and not interfere. She has said her mother interferes and it causes rows but we have never had a cross word about the grandchildren, well I did shrink a jumper once..................

pollypenny

I found myself thinking about this thread all last night.

So many posters seem antagonistic towards grandparents - who only want the best for their grandchildren.

How many can manage without the free help of grandparents? Most people I know miss courses, classes groups when they are 'on grandparent duty', which happens regularly often involving travelling to other parts of the country.

I certainly would not have completed a degree and teaching practice without my mum coming up from South Wales to look after the kids at half-terms.

whitewing

I read the thread as people are against grandparents 'not listening', that is all.

Bennifred

Probably because the people drawn to this thread had problems with the grandparents and wanted to share how they dealt (or didn't!) with those problems. I'm sure those who had help rather than interference are grateful - the rest of us are envious, lol!

pollypenny

It's hard when younger parents think we oldies know nothing ( speaking as a very new grandparent).

DIL added baby-rice to gorgeous boy's 6pm bottle, was them surprised when he woke hungry at 3ish.

My suggestion of adding it at 10ish was scorned. I interfered. Shrug!

Gigglepig

In general it is a good idea to wait before one is asked for advice before handing out helpful suggestions.... ?

Also, some of the posters describe situations where the grandparents refuse to listen. A polite and respectful person would not carry on regardless after mum or dad have declined the advice or told the grandparents how they want things done... ?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

pollypenny wrote: »

It's hard when younger parents think we oldies know nothing ( speaking as a very new grandparent).

DIL added baby-rice to gorgeous boy's 6pm bottle, was them surprised when he woke hungry at 3ish.

My suggestion of adding it at 10ish was scorned. I interfered. Shrug!

Heaven knows what would have been said had it been pointed out to her that adding gloop to bottles has been strongly recommended against for many years - at least 20 to my knowledge.

GracieP

pollypenny wrote: »

I interfered. Shrug!

Unsolicited advice is interfering, everyone knows that, it's pretty basic manners. I often see parents do something I'd consider 'wrong' but unless they actually ask me for my opinion it's none of my business. People have to make their own mistakes and learn from them, that's how life works. Or even, shock horror, that which we may consider wrong may turn out to be right because none of us know everything. The fact that you refuse to respect standard manners and then respond with 'shrugs' when your rudeness isn't tolerated is a pretty bad sign, tbh.

When it comes to new parents, giving unsolicited advice goes beyond a lack of basic manners. The fact is most new parents don't think they know it all. They are usually filled with doubts and struggling to work out what is best for the new person they are now responsible for. Telling them what they are doing wrong (in your opinion) can damage someone's confidence at a time when they need to learn to trust their own instincts.

And if you are asked to help out or babysit then either do that or don't. Personally I wouldn't give up a class for anything other than a one-off genuine emergency. Your life is yours to live and giving up your own interests for someone else is generally a good way to build resentments, as you will never feel they appreciate your sacrifice enough. But if you do babysit when asked that doesn't give you a license to interfere because that's not what is being asked for.

mummyfie

i remember the days when my mother - in- law would tell me how to hold them , feed them , tell them "no"!! now my mum in law has passed away and i wish that she could come back ,even just for one day and interfer some more and just be their nanny again. If you dont share a roof then just bite your tongue if you dont agree with her well meaning gestures of help, life REALLY is TOO short.x