Dealing with your baby's grandparents

Errata

This thread is all that's needed as evidence to prove that a mother's place is always in the wrong.

poet123

Errata wrote: »

This thread is all that's needed as evidence to prove that a mother's place is always in the wrong.

You are so right, the irony is that all those who complain so vociferously are mothers.....what goes around comes around!!;)

BugglyB

Its fair enough that grandparents will have more parenting experience, however, in the OPs example the grandmother is deliberately waking the baby up for a cuddle or to feed her. Even I know thats not the right thing to do with a baby.

Surely the OP is able to say that her mil is objectionable without appearing to discount the collective experience of all GPS everywhere?

pollypenny

I fully agree with Op's concerns - that MIL is way out of order!

However, I just felt that the thread developed in a negative way about grandparents. I reiterate my point about how many of us are needed for child-care, whether on a regular basis or emergency relief. 4 couples out last night and all doing duty!

Secondly, there seemed to be a forgetting of the family aspect. I suppose families fall out more often than outsiders, though.

FatVonD

gingin wrote: »

I don't remember her ever telling me something should be done a certain way, she just stayed in the background doing washing and making cups of tea, so I could figure out how to be a good Mum - and that included making mistakes.

I hope if I'm ever a grandmother that I can be this type

Errata

pollypenny wrote: »

I fully agree with Op's concerns - that MIL is way out of order!

However, I just felt that the thread developed in a negative way about grandparents. I reiterate my point about how many of us are needed for child-care, whether on a regular basis or emergency relief. 4 couples out last night and all doing duty!

Secondly, there seemed to be a forgetting of the family aspect. I suppose families fall out more often than outsiders, though.

I think that's all fair comment. What strikes me about this thread is that mothers seem to feel responsible for putting their MIL in the picture. No wonder some fathers feel left out of child rearing and discoinnect themselves from it, moving on to pastures new.

Taadaa

I don't think that grandparents 'know more' about bringing up children than first time parents. Some of them would love you to believe that so they can be interfering. Advice is changing all the time. What was good for babies 30-odd years ago might not be so now. Besides which I think many new mums know instinctively what is best. Note I said many, not all.

Personally if my MIL tries to tell me how to bring her grand daughter up I will be telling her to mind her own business and there's the door if you don't like it. Some people don't get 'subtle hints' and it's better to nip it in the bud than have it spoil your special time as a new mum. Offended she may well be, but if she sees fit to interfere and criticise when it's unwelcome, she caused the offence and ill will in the first place.

pollypenny

Taadaa wrote: »

I don't think that grandparents 'know more' about bringing up children than first time parents. Some of them would love you to believe that so they can be interfering. Advice is changing all the time. What was good for babies 30-odd years ago might not be so now. Besides which I think many new mums know instinctively what is best. Note I said many, not all.

.

I didn't have a clue - was scared stiff! Thank god for Dr. Spock!

Northern_Princess

The OP's baby isn't even born yet and poor MIL is already being judged negatively What chance does she stand when the baby is born?

Personally, I let both my mother and MIL offer advice, I nodded and smiled then did what I thought best for DD. If they did something when they were caring for her that I never agreed with there was no screeching or falling out about it. Afterall, they were her grandparents and a different generation to me. No generation is right or wrong in my eyes.

MIL lives with us now and I truly hope we can be the support to her now that she was to us when our family was younger