27yr old living an old mans life - help!

grex80

Been thinking about posting this for a while now, and I'm certainly not getting any younger. So, ok, here goes;

I've been with my gf since I was 21, and we moved in together when I was 24. we moved in together more through necessity than through anything else (I had to move out of my parents house in a hurry through no fault of my own).

I know this sounds really harsh, and I don't mean it to be, but during the time we've been living together, she's really let herself go (from a size 12 when I met her to an 18+) Like she doesn't care anymore. She doesn't have any friends, and doesn't want any as she keeps telling me I'm all she needs. If I get mates over, she's always there (I realise it's her house too) and she'll do "wifey" things like turn the music down or tell us all we've had too much to drink. I feel totally trapped.

Anyway, I just can't see this relationship getting any better. We rarely have sex (once so far this year), and if we do I always instigate it. So much so, that I've givenb up trying, and it's been like this for years. I have tried to talk to her about it, but she won't even acknowledge there is a problem. There hasn't been a "spark" for years (not that i've felt anyway), and I'm even beginning to doubt there was one there in the first place.

I don't even see how I can move out as although I earn a fair income, I have a substantial amount of debt which costs me £450+ a month to pay, and I can't see me surviving on my own with what's left.

I'm really at my wits end - I'm living what in my mind is the relationship of a 55 year old when I'm only 27. I see no future in the relationship, but I have nowhere else to go - no family and no money. If things keep going the way they are, we're going to end up married and have kids (although that would require the obvious, so maybe not!) not through choice, but by lack of anything else to do if you know what i mean.

I do love her, but I could almost be living with a sister rather than a girlfriend.

Should I just stick in this sexless relationship and count my blessings that at least I have a roof over my head?

Lusignan

Have you discussed this with her? Maybe she thinks you want to live like this?

If you've discussed it and it doesn't look as if things will improve, maybe it's time to finish it and make plans to move out.

PoochyChoo

no. leave. she has probably let herself 'go' as you say due to the fact that as YOU feel like this, she probably does too... i am a woman and she probably feels unloved (as she is....) and unwanted and stuck with you, so she eats.. she gets bigger and feels worse about herself... does she work? she sounds like she needs a life, tell her and encourage her to join a slimming club, perhaps you could go too, would you still want her if she was a 12? i dont think so, i think you wouldnt want her any size, so either tell her tis over, move into the second bedroom, or even the lounge, and start going out to YOUR mates houses instead of getting them all round yours, go down the pub, go bowing? - take her bowling? get out and do things.


you only get ONE life... live it, do NOTHING you will regret in 20 years time, you will NEVER be 27 again.... please dont stay with her you are ruining both your lifes

grex80

Lusignan wrote: »

Have you discussed this with her? Maybe she thinks you want to live like this?

If you've discussed it and it doesn't look as if things will improve, maybe it's time to finish it and make plans to move out.

I've tried to talk to her, people of our age shouldn't be living like this, but she won't admit there's a problem. Just keeps saying that she's happy the way we are.

I have thought of moving out, but financially I honestly can't see how.

PoochyChoo

so does she pay all the bills then????

surely there must be a cheap 'rooms to rent' place near you??

Scarlett1

*troll alert*

scheming_gypsy

no mate. You know this relationship isn't going anywhere and one day it's going to end. You're better off out of it now rather than keep holding on and wasting your life in a dead end relationship till it does end.

She let herself go because she was with somebody who loves her and didn't have any reason keep slim to impress anybody.

Is it her house or do you both own / rent it?

grex80

PoochyChoo wrote: »

no. leave. she has probably let herself 'go' as you say due to the fact that as YOU feel like this, she probably does too... i am a woman and she probably feels unloved (as she is....) and unwanted and stuck with you, so she eats.. she gets bigger and feels worse about herself... does she work? she sounds like she needs a life, tell her and encourage her to join a slimming club, perhaps you could go too, would you still want her if she was a 12? i dont think so, i think you wouldnt want her any size, so either tell her tis over, move into the second bedroom, or even the lounge, and start going out to YOUR mates houses instead of getting them all round yours, go down the pub, go bowing? - take her bowling? get out and do things.


you only get ONE life... live it, do NOTHING you will regret in 20 years time, you will NEVER be 27 again.... please dont stay with her you are ruining both your lifes

I probably didn't explain myself too well there, mates coming over was just an example.

I try to take her out all the time, she just says no. I buy her presents, give her compliments, try to do nice things like make dinner, buy flowers, wee surprises here and there, but no change.

I go out maybe once a fortnight so that at least I have some sort of life, but she would rather just sit and watch tv and eat junk food.

Trust me, if I suggested joining a slimming club to her she would kill me - I still have the scars from when I suggested she came to the gym with me!

Lusignan

scheming_gypsy wrote: »

She let herself go because she was with somebody who loves her and didn't have any reason keep slim to impress anybody.

While that's probably true, she deserves to be loved as she is. And clearly she isn't at the moment, no offence to the OP.

Lusignan

Grex - has she seen a doctor about depression?

grex80

scheming_gypsy wrote: »

no mate. You know this relationship isn't going anywhere and one day it's going to end. You're better off out of it now rather than keep holding on and wasting your life in a dead end relationship till it does end.

She let herself go because she was with somebody who loves her and didn't have any reason keep slim to impress anybody.

Is it her house or do you both own / rent it?

We rent it from her dad, so it would be me moving out if it came to it - we split the bills down the middle, which leaves me very little left after all the other repayments each month.