Ever felt like just taking off.....

londonsurrey

CrixuS wrote: »

We don't do it anymore. If they are here and we are eating we feed them as well, it just isn't in me not to feed everyone, but do not go out of our way like we used to.

In that case, that is why he keeps on saying "What's for lunch?"
Because it does result in him having lunch at your place.

You've seen that there's no point in remonstrating with him - all he hears is "Blah, blah, blah".

It's like training a three year old, if you keep rewarding bad behaviour, even if it is accompanied by an earful of complaints, they'll keep doing what is required for the reward, ignoring the complaints. It's up to you to stop rewarding him.

System

It's like training a three year old, if you keep rewarding bad behaviour, even if it is accompanied by an earful of complaints, they'll keep doing what is required for the reward, ignoring the complaints. It's up to you to stop rewarding him.

Yes bad behaviour always needs to be challenged. If it isnt they will walk all over you. Give an inch and they take a mile... been there and got the t shirt unfortunately.

I now have a mouth and i use it. I suggest you do the same.

I know where i stand with my family now and they know where they stand with me and i'm proud of myself for that at least.

CrixuS_2

londonsurrey wrote: »

In that case, that is why he keeps on saying "What's for lunch?"
Because it does result in him having lunch at your place.

You've seen that there's no point in remonstrating with him - all he hears is "Blah, blah, blah".

It's like training a three year old, if you keep rewarding bad behaviour, even if it is accompanied by an earful of complaints, they'll keep doing what is required for the reward, ignoring the complaints. It's up to you to stop rewarding him.[/QUOTE]

That's what the rows are mostly about now, the fact that we have said to them all that we wont put up with all their rubbish anymore. They think we have gone mad and that we are being selfish. When youngest son was home I had stopped cooking for him, washing his clothes etc. I tried to explain to him why and how I was feeling. I am no longer on speaking terms with him and we hadn't seen him for about 4 months when he turned up on saturday night(as if nothing had happened) with a Fathers Day card and his Father wouldn't entertain him.His girlfriend put on facebook that we are pathetic.

They all seem to think they can do what they like and if they ignore it for long enough it will all be forgotten about. We just feel it would be easier for us to be away from them all.

CrixuS_2

Judi wrote: »

Yes bad behaviour always needs to be challenged. If it isnt they will walk all over you. Give an inch and they take a mile... been there and got the t shirt unfortunately.

I now have a mouth and i use it. I suggest you do the same.

I know where i stand with my family now and they know where they stand with me and i'm proud of myself for that at least.

Bad behaviour does need to be challenged and it is being, hence all the rows, as I said, they think it is us and not them.As I have already posted I spoke to one of them on the phone yesterday about them not coming on Fathers Day and they said I should have asked them to come over it it meant that much to him!!!!!!!!!!!!! He's their father they should come over without being asked.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Caroline_a

I do so feel for you, and said girlfriend wouldn't be coming in my house again!! Maybe next time any of them turn up to be fed you say 'terribly sorry, we're eating out..'

As a matter of interest, did they behave in a similar way on Mothers Day?

CrixuS_2

Caroline_a wrote: »

I do so feel for you, and said girlfriend wouldn't be coming in my house again!! Maybe next time any of them turn up to be fed you say 'terribly sorry, we're eating out..'

As a matter of interest, did they behave in a similar way on Mothers Day?

Neither of them are welcome in our house at the moment and I don't know his girlfriend that much, but I'm not impressed by all the things she has put on facebook, and if things ever do improve between us and our son, she has made it even harder for us to have a relationship with her.Her parents have lots of money, a big house, spoil her rotten and he gets waited on hand and foot so she thinks we are the pits obviously because we don't do the same.

Yes it was the same on Mothers day, they seem to think a card and presents brought a couple of days before or sent through the post and a phone call on the day is ok. Although nothing from youngest son after row and him moving out.

globetraveller

Why are you reading Facebook pages? Stay off of them. You haven't a facebook account and yet you are going to look at these pages and getting upset by them. I have a relation who started calling everyone everything under the sun. I just stopped reading it. She is the one with the problem, not me.

CrixuS_2

globetraveller wrote: »

Why are you reading Facebook pages? Stay off of them. You haven't a facebook account and yet you are going to look at these pages and getting upset by them. I have a relation who started calling everyone everything under the sun. I just stopped reading it. She is the one with the problem, not me.

I'm not reading facebook pages , other members of the family are telling me about it - usually when I have a go at them about something, they bring it up - probably to deflect criticism away from themselves. They also get jealous of each other, especially if they think one is getting more attention/money. They say they love us, perhaps they do in their own way- they would be here like a shot in an emergency - but is that just part of the 'drama'. Showing you care comes in the everyday things of life.

desert_rose

They're known as 'The Selfish Generation' or Generation X and many (not all of course) have over inflated expectations of how they should be treated.

Good for you for putting your foot down and not playing their narcissistic games because what society badly needs in my opinion, is that the idea of 'respect', isn't just reserved for the under 35's.

CrixuS_2

JustinCredibleGillespie wrote: »

I feel for you OP. If my parents were to sit me down & tell me they were sick of the sight of me and sick of my behaviour & attitude, I would be shocked and I would try my best to make amends. I dont think this is an option for you now, its long past that stage

Do what you want to do, not whats in the best interests of others.

We only get one life, so live it.

JCG

xx

Thanks,this is what we have decided and we have been called selfish but we are at the point where we don't care what they think anymore.