Ever felt like just taking off.....

lauraaurora

Go on a really nice, really long cruise. Spend some of your money, get away from them, and prove the point that way. If, when you come back, they're still no better behaved to you, then maybe the stops along your cruise might've given you inspiration as to where you might like to move to...

If you're serious about spending their inheritance (and so you should, it's your money!), what about 90 nights away:
http://www.cunard.co.uk/Cunard-Offers/World-Voyage-Offers/Queen-Elizabeth-Exotic-Discoveries/

CrixuS_2

londonsurrey wrote: »

Why aren't you replying with things like "We're having roast beef. Why, what are you having?"

More to the point, why are you allowing such presumptuous behaviour to result in them staying for lunch?

We don't do it anymore. If they are here and we are eating we feed them as well, it just isn't in me not to feed everyone, but do not go out of our way like we used to.

VfM4meplse

I have been thinking about some of the comments your children have made OP, and the things they have done....I don't think twice about using my parent's home as my own, and vice versa. They are happy to have me stay, feed me, can't do enough for me - and the same applies the other way round. Do your children not reciprocate at all?

CrixuS_2

Judi wrote: »

In that case you need to be strong and say no more!

Yes, I have done just that with one son and he called me a bitter and twisted old women, he is now living at his girlfriends.The others are not as bad but just had a row with another one over fathers day and they had the cheek to call my OH selfish.

CrixuS_2

lostinrates wrote: »

How old are they? Are they settled? Any grandchildren?

21,28,32, and 34. 4 grandchildren. All settled, youngest is living with his girlfriend after row.

CrixuS_2

VfM4meplse wrote: »

I have been thinking about some of the comments your children have made OP, and the things they have done....I don't think twice about using my parent's home as my own, and vice versa. They are happy to have me stay, feed me, can't do enough for me - and the same applies the other way round. Do your children not reciprocate at all?

Daughter will feed us when we visit usually a sandwich, she is the best of the bunch. We have always had an open house for them and they know they can help themselves but no it is not reciprocated by them.We always feel that they are waiting for us to leave before they have their dinner.

Sambucus_Nigra

CrixuS wrote: »

We have been blunt and to the point many times and have actually asked for help. One son said that why should he help if we are too mean to pay someone to do it. He would laugh in my face at 'doing the dishes'.

Ok - I think there is your answer. Didn't they do stuff like the dishes when they were living at home?

I take it you both brought these kids up? So didn't you instill any family values/chores/pocket money/respect into them as they grew up?

System

Yes, I have done just that with one son and he called me a bitter and twisted old women, he is now living at his girlfriends.The others are not as bad but just had a row with another one over fathers day and they had the cheek to call my OH selfish.

with any luck there will be a huge chasm between you now. Its a shame it has to be this way but so be it.

Believe me, over the last 10 years or so ive been called worse.

I love my kids, all of them, i love my Mother too but i refuse to be treated like a doormat to be walked all over. That is the attitude you need to instill in yourself.

Unfortunately abuse such as that leaves scars.... i have absolutely no confidence in myself whatsoever and never feel good enough but i'll fight it, for the rest of my life i'll fight it.

CrixuS_2

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Ok - I think there is your answer. Didn't they do stuff like the dishes when they were living at home?

I take it you both brought these kids up? So didn't you instill any family values/chores/pocket money/respect into them as they grew up?

No, two are from his first marriage and the other two are ours, but we treat them all the same. The two from his first marriage don't get on with each other, but they do get on with ours. The strange thing is that we always have been big on respect, family values etc. and they had to do chores but when they hit their late teens they changed and this is when all the arguments started. Youngest son went to college and completely changed courses after a year and then dropped out after another year. We told him he wasn't going to lie around in bed all day and had to get a job. Then he got himself a very well paid job but resented giving us housekeeping, more rows and so on................. as I said has been building up over the last few years.

CrixuS_2

Judi wrote: »

with any luck there will be a huge chasm between you now. Its a shame it has to be this way but so be it.

Believe me, over the last 10 years or so ive been called worse.

I love my kids, all of them, i love my Mother too but i refuse to be treated like a doormat to be walked all over. That is the attitude you need to instill in yourself.

Unfortunately abuse such as that leaves scars.... i have absolutely no confidence in myself whatsoever and never feel good enough but i'll fight it, for the rest of my life i'll fight it.

Yes there is a huge chasm with youngest son. I don't like him and feel like he is a complete stranger to me. He is so arrogant an d now he has a well paid job thinks he is 'it'. The wider family do not understand and think we should not be so hard on him. When he ran up a phone bill of nearly £500 my sister said we should at least pay half, (that was before he got his job) but we made him pay it all back. My brother takes no housekeeping from his son when we think he should pay something even if it's only £5.00 so our son feels hard done by.He is also a charmer to everyone else but not to us a lot of the time.

I'm sorry you have no confidence in yourself Judi and hope that gets better for you. I just feel emotionally drained and feel better when I don't see them as I can't accept the way they are a lot of the time.