Son, 15 - Sleepover Question

fletch3163

If your almost 15 year old son was invited to a sleepover at a schoolfriend's house with around 6 other kids, would you ask for the mother's number to call?

My son says I'm too old fashioned and he ended up not going because I wanted to check. I find being mum to a teen a complete minefield. Second guess myself constantly

VJsmum

From what my 15 year old DD tells me about her 15 and 16 year old friends, you are right to want to check and the fact that he isn't now going would ring an alarm bell for me.

My DDs friends (year 11 - she is young in her year as she was born in July) go out and get drunk - nearly every weekend. I don't know how they afford it or how their parents let them. Fortunately my DD doesn't like alcohol so hasn't been part of this group. I've said she could go for a while and I'll pick her up when they are all plastered but she says she doesn't trust them not to spike her drink!:eek:

In my mind there is plenty of time for this in years to come.

pink68

You;re right to check.

I grill my 14 year old daughter, who, where, when, i make her write down where she will be and give me a contact number. I tell her i need to check its ok with the other parent.

No details no going out.

Sometimes she says 'ok heres all the info' other times she mysteriously changes her mind and stays in.

She tells me about some of the parties others in her year have had and it gives me the w*llies!

Spendless

I'm sure it's only the other day that I read on here that an MSE'rs teenager told them, they were stopping at x and later it was discovered they hadn't, so the cynic in me thinks he wasn't going to be where he claimed and when you were going to find out (by ringing the mother's number) he's turned it round to being all your fault that he didn't go. I'm with you on this one.

fletch3163

Thanks for your insight. I feel out of my depth for this part to be honest.

I'm extremely protective and I feel like it colours my decisions/reactions.

The house in question has a bit of a relaxed attitude to teenage boozing (she allowed them to booze at his birthday). Now, I'm not completely strict and I believe a small amount of controlled alcohol is better than preaching abstinence (I am not a huge drinker).

The boy in question has a lot of sleepovers and booze is present I believe. I don't think I could cope with regular sleepovers of that size if I was the mum

kizzie_nikita

fletch3163 wrote: »

If your almost 15 year old son was invited to a sleepover at a schoolfriend's house with around 6 other kids, would you ask for the mother's number to call?

My son says I'm too old fashioned and he ended up not going because I wanted to check. I find being mum to a teen a complete minefield. Second guess myself constantly

Will be honest, when i was 15 (5 years ago) i didn't want to give my parents contact number either, and many times i didn't go, so i didn't have to give contact number.

I just found it really embarrassing, as a 15 year old. As a 20 year old adult now i will want a number from my kids when i have them.

jayII

I insist on knowing where mine are, I'll continue to do so as long as they live under my roof. If I want to call, then I will (I may stop this part when they're 18...)

By the same token, I always ensure that someone knows where I am if I'm away overnight or out late at night. Being aware of where loved ones are is only sensible and helps to keep us all safe.

fletch3163

Thanks all, I appreciate all your input. I used to be so sure of myself and how I was bringing my son up. Now I doubt everything.

I don't seem to be marching to the same drum as the other mums in this group (I don't know any of them as we live a bit away from the rest). I'm want so badly for him to be safe and happy. I'm happy that I' m not the only mum not allowing that particular sleepover though. My son had one friend over last night to stay over.

I will caveat all the above by saying I do have separation anxiety. I hate the idea of him not being home at bedtime yikes

BEAR

definately check....and to be honest..I would wonder why the boys mother wouldnt insist on a call before she allowed your son to stay

milliebear00001

kizzie_nikita wrote: »

Will be honest, when i was 15 (5 years ago) i didn't want to give my parents contact number either, and many times i didn't go, so i didn't have to give contact number.

I just found it really embarrassing, as a 15 year old. As a 20 year old adult now i will want a number from my kids when i have them.

Yep, and when I was fifteen, I often told my mum I was staying somewhere I wasn't. The occasions when I didn't go and didn't give her the contact details, were invariably because I would have been caught out if I had!

Call me a cynic, but refusal to give contact details would ring HUGE alarm bells with me!

fletch3163

Millibear and kizzy, I assume you are both girls? I thought being the mum of a boy would have been easier to be honest. How naive am I?

I feel like girls look out for each other in a way boys don't though. Maybe I just stereotype boys but I think of jackass when I see them in headlocks on the trampoline.