Advice...First date.

totheleft

warehouse wrote: »

A first date is difficult for a man as well. Then to be told you won't be talking? That's a complete nightmare scenario for any man, trust me.

Blokes aren't good at talking constantly, we soon run out of things to say unless we have some ideas coming back at us. I've been in a similar situation and after a while you say whatever comes into your head first, which for a bloke is usually cr*p, as you just found out.

You owe him another date and this time TALK.

I also like the other posters on here who are giving the bloke a hard time when all he did was turn up to talk to a statue for an hour, (no offence intended OP).

Yes I was basically a statue! He even said it was awkward! BUT I did warn him beforehand that, that is what I'm like when I'm meeting someone for the first time when I've never met them in person before. It was like going for a first interview for me.

He agreed with me saying I was acting dumb however he did ask me first what I thought of the date and I said he's different on the phone and he kept laughing at me acting dumb and it just went ok. Obviously now I look back at that response, he probably thought I don't think highly of him.

He must be gutted too, he thought he met an amazing woman too that ticked all the boxes but we both came across different. I would go on a 2nd date, however he's been initiating text conversations with me but not being the same so I don't know why he's bothering.

snozberry

You know, I really didn't like my OH after our first date. All he did was talk about himself and painted himself to be a complete egotistical barstool. Horrid! I have no idea why I agreed to a second date - I must have been bored! It transpired that he was really nervous and not used to dating. Tbh, he is a big softie and, now, nearly three years down the line, he is anything but an egotistical barstool.

Agree to a second date and, if it doesn't feel right, knock it on the head. Remember that nothing ventured is nothing gained.

Alikay

You could try being honest and say that it felt weird and uncomfortable, and you were picking up that he thought he was out of your league looks-wise. But also say that you seemed to get on so well over the phone that you'd consider a second date to see if it was just "first date nerves".

His reaction to your feedback should give you a clue to whether he's worth another go, or just an arrogant pillock!

thatlemming

The first time I met my boyfriend I thought he was an arrogant rude !!!! to be honest. (was in a pub, friend of a friend) He asked me out and when we'd been together for a while (he wasn't an arrogant rude !!!! after all it turned out) I told him what I thought of him first of all, and he said he was just so nervous he didn't know what to say. bless.

Brighton_belle

totheleft wrote: »

I asked him the same and he didn't answer me except agree with me that I was acting blonde and stupid (he hates blonde women and I'm not usually like that but nerves make me behave this way).

This can be read two ways, either like some have read it and said ditch, or, again, you used the expression dumb and blond first, not him; some men when nervous resort to humour that slightly misses the target: you were possibly very difficult to be with as you were so silent, so maybe he is picking up on your 'humourous take on how you were' and laughingly agreed.

It really isn't fair to announce you won't be talking much and then expect him to not only keep the conversation going BUT ALSO not have any quirks of his own. E.g. you don't talk on a 1st date, he says the first daft thing that comes into his head.

I still think a 2nd date would be good: what harm can it do? It will either confirm what you feel or his txting character will break through.

But OP, I do mean this kindly and not as a criticism but an observation, but you do have quite a low opinion of yourself and run yourself down alot. If you keep running yourself down to him, he may not know how to handle that and just keep turning it into a joke.
You are possibly expecting a greater degree of maturity/people exerience from him than yourself and want him to rescue you from your shyness (quite understandable, but better to learn techniques to rescue yourself).

I am a little perplexed by the 'my name is amazing' line though! Any idea what he actually meant by that. That sounds a teenagerish. How old is he?

totheleft

Brighton_belle wrote: »

This can be read two ways, either like some have read it and said ditch, or, again, you used the expression dumb and blond first, not him; some men when nervous resort to humour that slightly misses the target: you were possibly very difficult to be with as you were so silent, so maybe he is picking up on your 'humourous take on how you were' and laughingly agreed.

It really isn't fair to announce you won't be talking much and then expect him to not only keep the conversation going BUT ALSO not have any quirks of his own. E.g. you don't talk on a 1st date, he says the first daft thing that comes into his head.

I still think a 2nd date would be good: what harm can it do? It will either confirm what you feel or his txting character will break through.

But OP, I do mean this kindly and not as a criticism but an observation, but you do have quite a low opinion of yourself and run yourself down alot. If you keep running yourself down to him, he may not know how to handle that and just keep turning it into a joke.
You are possibly expecting a greater degree of maturity/people exerience from him than yourself and want him to rescue you from your shyness (quite understandable, but better to learn techniques to rescue yourself).

I am a little perplexed by the 'my name is amazing' line though! Any idea what he actually meant by that. That sounds a teenagerish. How old is he?

That's exactly how I think it went to. We do have a joking relationship where we take the mickey out of each other in a flirting way. It's just friendly banter.

I'm waiting for him to ask me on a 2nd date as I still don't know what he thought of the first! He keeps texting me random gibberish. So I don't know whether he still wants to pursue? If he doesnt make the effort, I will ask him tomorrow again what he thought of the date.

Yes, you are correct. I have low self confidence. I don't know why as people throughout my life have told me what an amazing person I am, how amazing I am at my job and how pretty I am. However, I still can't be confident . You are very correct with I wanted him to compliment me or something just to give me some sort of reassurance but I was taken aback when he started complimenting himself instead.

He's 27, I'm 25. His take on his name being awesome is because he's got a unique name and I havent met anyone with his name. Abit random but like you said, it's probably because he was trying to come up with random things to say.

At one point of the date, he sat back and stared at me and smiled saying he was going to live this up and make me feel more awkward as I was shy so he was trying to make me laugh.

I think a second date is needed to give me more of an insight on what he's like.

Brighton_belle

totheleft wrote: »

Yes, you are correct. I have low self confidence....You are very correct with I wanted him to compliment me or something just to give me some sort of reassurance but I was taken aback when he started complimenting himself instead.

Lovely post OP that explains everything more fully. And I do wish he had been able to say something nice that would have given you that. It's entirely natural to want to feel uplifted by a date: I don't think that is 'wanting to be rescued' at all. We all (ideally)choose to be with people who we feel uplifted to be with. Certainly it is the basis of the close friendships I have as well as my DH.

So that maybe is something to have as a deal breaker after a few dates, rather than one? I guess the whole nature of dating is to help ascertain what you are looking for in a partner. He may be a nice bloke, but just not right for you on the end if he can't deliver on this, once any nerves of his are out of the way.

Confidence can be very elusive; it is one thing to identify its lack but quite another journey to find it! Took me a long time too.
If he asks for a 2nd date, would you feel able to tell him ,pre meeting, what would help you feel a little more relaxed?

I_wanna_live_for_free

totheleft wrote: »

I'm waiting for him to ask me on a 2nd date as I still don't know what he thought of the first! He keeps texting me random gibberish. So I don't know whether he still wants to pursue? If he doesnt make the effort, I will ask him tomorrow again what he thought of the date.


I think a second date is needed to give me more of an insight on what he's like.

Why do you have to wait for him to ask you? He may be waiting for you to show some interest in a second date. He's been in contact with you since the date, if he had no interest then you wouldn't have heard from him.

You have to understand that he's a man. And make allowances for that BUT never ever put yourself down as when you do, people WILL agree with you to make themselves look better. Whether they do so consciously or not. And if there's someone there saying "I'm so stupid, dumb, blonde" etc, most people will think "I must be pretty cool not to be that dumb!"

Questions to ask yourself: Do you think it was first date foot-in-mouth with him too or is he arrogant beyond belief?
Will you put up with little throwaway insulting comments that he made about you or can you defend yourself?
Go on a second date. With an open mind and TALK to him. Don't sit opposite him, that could be too soon if he's a starer, sit beside him that way it's more comfortable to look at him sideways and then move your gaze forwards.

busiscoming2

I'd probably give a second date a go but be very wary of his behaviour. He may be one of those people who seem lovely but end up controlling and nasty (Narcissist), especially in the light of some of the comments he has already made.

mrcow

totheleft wrote: »

"I get attention for my looks"
"My name is amazing"
"you'll struggle to find someone better than me"

What a plank!

If you're going to go on a second date, just make sure it's in a very public place. He sounds a little unstable. If he was that amazing, he wouldn't have to spell it out to you.

Personally, I'd move on. Keep it to phone calls etc for a while and see if I felt the same about him after:
1. A few weeks
2. A date with someone else.

You're young and single. Don't fall for a weirdo. Life's too short to deal with other people's baggage.