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Advice...First date.

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Comments

  • Cat501
    Cat501 Posts: 1,195 Forumite
    1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    totheleft wrote: »
    I didn't mind him speaking more but what am I supposed to say to this....

    "I get attention for my looks"
    "My name is amazing"
    "you'll struggle to find someone better than me"




    Okay, scrap the second chance thing!
    Actually I'd be a bit inclined to go out again, preferably for another meal. As soon as he says anything as bad as your examples above, stand up, laugh, and say my god, I decided to give you another chance just to make sure, and yes, you really ARE an arrogant t**t aren't you?! Put your share of the bill on the table (very important!), smile sweetly, say goodbye and leave him sitting on his own looking daft.

    Or am I too harsh? :/
  • londonsurrey
    londonsurrey Posts: 2,444 Forumite
    totheleft wrote: »
    Inexperienced. I'm his ideal girl.

    What is his age, and why is he inexperienced?

    There are two possibilities that I am trying to decide between.

    If he's mid 20s-30s, and inexperienced, then I'd look out for a syndrome that affects social development. One possibility is high functioning Asperger's Syndrome.

    Aspies can be taught the basics of desirable social interaction, but are actually very awkward and can take it to an extreme, so "eye contact is good", if not mediated by "but don't STARE at her", will result in scary staring. Lol.
    Is he a bit nerdy? (I don't mean it in a bad way, I'm a nerdy aspie myself) What is his job, what are his interests, does he tend to talk a lot about one subject?


    The other is that he's a standard guy with a bit of an ego and totally fluffing up the date.
  • londonsurrey
    londonsurrey Posts: 2,444 Forumite
    "My name is amazing"

    That is a very odd thing to say. Does he really consider it to be amazing, or does it actually mean amazing?
  • shirlgirl2004
    shirlgirl2004 Posts: 2,983 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    To be honest just the sound of him is giving me the creeps. I'd run a mile.
  • flutterbyuk25
    flutterbyuk25 Posts: 7,009 Forumite
    I would say go for 2nd date if you like him to see if it was just first date nerves.

    That said I had a crap first date with someone last week, and all he did was talk about himself. Despite us getting on very well by email/text beforehand (online dating) I decided he wasn't worth a 2nd date. There were other factors, like the fact that he lived an hour away and he didn't drive.
    The last 'first date' I went on, I declined a second one - felt we were too different, not enough in common etc. He wrote me a really nice email that persuaded me to have a 2nd date at least.
    He's now my husband.:D

    I always recommend a 2nd date. He may have been very nervous and it came out all wrong.

    Awwww such a sweet story! Gives me hope :rotfl:
    * Rainbow baby boy born 9th August 2016 *

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  • Cat501
    Cat501 Posts: 1,195 Forumite
    1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    I would have stuck with the second date too if it had just been him bigging himself up.

    It was the fact that he put OP down, twice that we've been told about, that puts me off him big time :)
  • totheleft
    totheleft Posts: 99 Forumite
    Cat501 wrote: »
    I would have stuck with the second date too if it had just been him bigging himself up.

    It was the fact that he put OP down, twice that we've been told about, that puts me off him big time :)

    Haha but he is ever so complimentary through the phone so could it be nerves?

    He's texting me now but it seems to be small talk and kind of awkward. I don't know whether he feels embarrassed or feels bad for the way he has acted on the date.
  • Alikay
    Alikay Posts: 5,147 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Could you ask him something along the lines of "you seemed less relaxed when we were out, compared to when we chatted on the phone. Did you think it went OK?"
  • megc_2
    megc_2 Posts: 142 Forumite
    I'd agree with the above- ask him how he felt the date went. He may just have been really nervous and therefore messed up big time- if he genuinely isn't like that on the phone when you've been speaking every day, I suspect that may well be the case.

    Either way, the only way you'll find out for sure is to have asecond date. That will either confirm your views of him, as how he is on the phone or how he was on the first date. But choose something that isn't as nerve wracking as a meal where the focus is entirely on conversation- do something instead, like bowling, a walk or the cinema, where something takes the focus off each other and gives you something to talk about in a less intense manner. That might give you both the chance to see each other in amore natural relaxed setting, and therefore you may see the more 'real' people you each are.
    Good luck- I hope it either works out with him, or you find out soon so you can move on and find the right one for you.
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  • caeler
    caeler Posts: 2,638 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Mortgage-free Glee! Photogenic
    I agree - go with your gut. I had a very similar experience to you (including the arrogance and longer than normal eye contact) and I gave it a few more dates against my better judgement. I realise now that because I'd been single a while I was trying to hard to make it work and be fine with his quirks. It lasted far longer than it should have done. It didn't make him a bad guy, just not right for me. Good luck.
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