Chronic Anxiety & Depression - ESA?

Anubis_2

ab.da54 wrote: »

How mental health affects different people. The experiences one person has differs from that of another, even though they would both fall under the MH umbrella. I know, of course, that there are different aspects of MH, but reading experiences has given me a greater insight.

I do stand by my original post. I don't understand how some people can do the fun stuff but not the formal, but I also see that some people force themselves to do the fun and it isn't really fun.

I am not a person who believes everyone is a fraud, I just see things and don't understand. Sometimes, when things don't add up, it is simply because they don't add up, but that is only a minority.

No one knows what goes on in anyone's mind - outward visuals can be extremely deceiving. Of course MH affects each person differently, the brain is a vast and complex organ, and while brain structure may be similar, that is where similarity ends.

The same can be said of any health issue - as I have said before, two people can have the same illness/condition, but it will affect each one of them differently, simply because the exact same body cells/organs/parts will not be affected at exactly the same time each day in the same severity, on two different people during the lifetime of the illness/condition - and that is not even taking into account the affect mentally that health issues can have.

All illnesses/disabilities/health problems are generally umbrella terms with a similar structure - the symptoms being the similar structure, the label being the umbrella.

Dunroamin

CFC wrote: »

It's called 'fraud'.

I lean that way myself and yet the poster was someone who I wouldn't generally have said that about.

Dunroamin

ineed wrote: »

So true, what I really struggle to understand is why anyone would not want to work. I mean theres been talk of these claimants just doing "fun stuff" (going to gigs, cinema, etc) all the time, but surely that becomes tiresome after a while. I mean when you don't have a Job or college/uni to attend, in my experience life becomes a bit pointless. Days bleed into one another, time is sort of disjointed and meaningless. You run out of things to talk to people about, you feel a bit pointless. Or is that just me? .

I wouldn't say it's just you but it certainly isn't how I feel.

Retiring from work on ill health grounds was fantastic and, although I didn't mind going back later into different jobs/career, it certainly wasn't anything other than a financial improvement.

I can never understand people who come into large sums of money and carry on with hum drum jobs, nor people who can be bored while there are books in the world left unread.

gingergee

Like anubis, im also disabled with children and i agree with not having children if i'd have known what was down the road for me!! Not because they are hard work, they are a big help if anything!! But because of how it affects them. My disability is one of the "unseen" ones. So i seem fine. The kids want to do something very simple like, going buying a present for a friends birthday. We go town all happy. Spend 2 hours or so, have some lunch etc. I then spend the next few days in agony as i have done too much. They feel very guilty for asking me to take them in first place. They also get bullied "your mum has lupus haha!"
So when my DLA drops into the bank every month, i treat them. May be a "movie night" (im not likely to sit in cinema for any amount of time unless im medicated to the hilt) or a midnight feast. Simple things.
I'd love to go back to work - doctor wont let me.
The unseen disabilities are difficult. So are the ones where you can feel upto doing something one day, that will have a knock on effect on the few days after. A greater understanding of these and MH is needed.

OldMotherTucker

gingergee wrote: »

Like anubis, im also disabled with children and i agree with not having children if i'd have known what was down the road for me!! Not because they are hard work, they are a big help if anything!! But because of how it affects them. My disability is one of the "unseen" ones. So i seem fine. The kids want to do something very simple like, going buying a present for a friends birthday. We go town all happy. Spend 2 hours or so, have some lunch etc. I then spend the next few days in agony as i have done too much. They feel very guilty for asking me to take them in first place. They also get bullied "your mum has lupus haha!"
So when my DLA drops into the bank every month, i treat them. May be a "movie night" (im not likely to sit in cinema for any amount of time unless im medicated to the hilt) or a midnight feast. Simple things.
I'd love to go back to work - doctor wont let me.
The unseen disabilities are difficult. So are the ones where you can feel upto doing something one day, that will have a knock on effect on the few days after. A greater understanding of these and MH is needed.

Wonderful Lupus!

Finally i have the help and support I need in the form of my lovely SIL who rolls her eyes every time people gush about how great I look because she knows the better i look, generally the worse I feel!

gingergee

Have you got it too? x And that generally sums me up. When im entering a bad moment i feel like im losing control. So i try taking it back by "tarting" myself up. Wearing a mask, as it was!! x

MacMickster

I have a friend who developed chronic fatigue syndrome and depression. I was someone who was previously extremely sceptical about ME and chronic fatigue syndrome but have now come to understand how debilitating this can be.

My friend was working, but began crying off from nights out and going to football matches etc. He never said what was wrong and we began to lose touch.

I then met his wife on a bus some time later and she told me about his illness. By this time he had lost his job. It turned out that as his ability to function decreased he had, naturally, tried to expend all of the energy that he had in trying to keep his job and attend work regularly, but his performance at work deteriorated as he tried to struggle through bad days, and also had too many days when he simply had to take the day off.

His wife explained to me that he was now seriously depressed as most days he was now housebound. He had stopped driving as his concentration was poor and he realised that he had come close to having several accidents.

Although he had some days that were better than others he could not plan anything as the better days could not happen to order.

On his better days she tried to get him out of the house for his own sanity, but this would never be more than an hour at a time. If they should meet someone that knew him whilst out he looked normal and would never talk about his illness as he thought that they wouldn't want to hear that, instead sticking to pleasantries and making excuses if anyone suggested meeting up in the future.

His wife told me that she was at her wits end with worry about him, as the effects of his illness and social isolation were making his depression increasingly more severe. She asked if I would begin calling to visit him at home, but just on spec as he would make excuses to put me off if I tried to arrange it in advance.

A couple of days later I called round after work and was shocked to see the state that he was in. He couldn't concentrate on a conversation and didn't make a lot of sense. It was clearly a struggle trying do do so, so I quickly made my excuses and left. I continued to call round every few days, often with the same result, but occasionally caught him on a better day when he seemed relieved to be able to have a normal conversation. He explained how few people other than his wife had ever seen him on bad days, simply because he couldn't leave the house on those days, so when people did see him he appeared fine, and pride meant that he made an effort to ensure that this was how he came across. He had been mortified when I had just turned up at his house the first time, but was now glad that I had.

Since then I have managed to get other friends to begin calling round. We invite him out when we go to the pub, but now understand that most of the time he won't turn up, or if he does he will be brought by his wife and only stay for one drink (although everyone else in the pub will see a normal bloke).

As a result I feel that I now have a better understanding of this type of illness, whereas before I was one of the sceptics. You can't always judge how someone is from their appearance.

LadyMorticia

MacMickster wrote: »

I have a friend who developed chronic fatigue syndrome and depression. I was someone who was previously extremely sceptical about ME and chronic fatigue syndrome but have now come to understand how debilitating this can be.

My friend was working, but began crying off from nights out and going to football matches etc. He never said what was wrong and we began to lose touch.

I then met his wife on a bus some time later and she told me about his illness. By this time he had lost his job. It turned out that as his ability to function decreased he had, naturally, tried to expend all of the energy that he had in trying to keep his job and attend work regularly, but his performance at work deteriorated as he tried to struggle through bad days, and also had too many days when he simply had to take the day off.

His wife explained to me that he was now seriously depressed as most days he was now housebound. He had stopped driving as his concentration was poor and he realised that he had come close to having several accidents.

Although he had some days that were better than others he could not plan anything as the better days could not happen to order.

On his better days she tried to get him out of the house for his own sanity, but this would never be more than an hour at a time. If they should meet someone that knew him whilst out he looked normal and would never talk about his illness as he thought that they wouldn't want to hear that, instead sticking to pleasantries and making excuses if anyone suggested meeting up in the future.

His wife told me that she was at her wits end with worry about him, as the effects of his illness and social isolation were making his depression increasingly more severe. She asked if I would begin calling to visit him at home, but just on spec as he would make excuses to put me off if I tried to arrange it in advance.

A couple of days later I called round after work and was shocked to see the state that he was in. He couldn't concentrate on a conversation and didn't make a lot of sense. It was clearly a struggle trying do do so, so I quickly made my excuses and left. I continued to call round every few days, often with the same result, but occasionally caught him on a better day when he seemed relieved to be able to have a normal conversation. He explained how few people other than his wife had ever seen him on bad days, simply because he couldn't leave the house on those days, so when people did see him he appeared fine, and pride meant that he made an effort to ensure that this was how he came across. He had been mortified when I had just turned up at his house the first time, but was now glad that I had.

Since then I have managed to get other friends to begin calling round. We invite him out when we go to the pub, but now understand that most of the time he won't turn up, or if he does he will be brought by his wife and only stay for one drink (although everyone else in the pub will see a normal bloke).

As a result I feel that I now have a better understanding of this type of illness, whereas before I was one of the sceptics. You can't always judge how someone is from their appearance.

A wonderful and insightful post.

I have M.E. I'm bedbound/housebound alot of the time but when I do manage to go out, I don't talk about my illness (not unless people ask why I'm in a wheelchair anyway!) because for that little while I'm out I want to just enjoy it because I know that it will affect me for days afterwards.

Thank you for going around to visit your friend and for inviting him out, even if he can't make it alot of the time. Sometimes even if you can't go out and socialise, it's nice to be thought of and invited.

princessdon

And you see there is one of the contributory factors - those that "hide" their conditions and problems.

I know someone who works with ME - My job share has Lupus and works.

No two people can ever be trully compared but it is human nature for people to compare, we all do it. How can your childs birth be painful, I didn't use gas and air etc.

gingergee

Im not allowed to work, i'd love to go back. This last fortnight has been the first in 10 months that i have felt "yeah,i want to go back". Told my GP who said, due to the effect SLE is having on my heart and kidneys, its not safe for me to return any time soon. I have gone back to work twice since i was diagnosed but ended up worse than ever (due to stress me thinks lol).
My GP said im at risk of developing depression at the moment? Eh? Sitting around feeling sorry for myself won't help. So i have made a point of trying to do something each day. Like a walk around the block, a bit of gardening etc.
MackMickster, what a kind friend you are. Have you thought about volunteering for home start or something similar?
I could do with friends like you!! At min i can go days only seeing my OH and the kids. Keep up the good work x