Chronic Anxiety & Depression - ESA?

Anubis_2

Dunroamin wrote: »

There was a heated discussion recently about one regular member who has both physical and mental health problems(claiming DLA HRM and HRC) and yet regularly goes to music festivals and had a month long holiday Interrailing around Europe totally alone.

I still can't get my head around that one.

I guess I can understand the confusion if the poster is on HRC and HRM. HRC implies a lot of care needed and HRM implies a severe walking issue - so it does seem strange. I know I couldn't trail Europe on my own for a month :eek: I would struggle with a day

However, I don't know the ins and outs but can see if the high award was given for both it and someone is travelling alone for that length of time it does seem wrong on the surface of it.

I do see some on here who seem to get HRC and yet seem to have a reasonably good quality of life. I do find it a tad frustrating sometimes if I am going to be honest but only because my own quality of life is almost none existent and because of that hubbies quality of life suffers too which gives me a massive guilt complex.

So my bit of frustration really is probably more resentment because I am not able to do the same or lead the same quality of life. For example, someone mentioned how they knit regularily a while ago and they're on HRC, and I adored knitting, infact so much so that I used to do it and make money in my early 20's.

I have a half finished really smart jumper here that I started 15 years ago for my husband. My friend had just set up in business and opened a knitting place (we were on a business course together a couple of years previous) and I ordered some very expensive Rowan wool from her to make this jumper as it was unlike anything I had seen and the quality is fantastic.

I had to stop though as I had a decline, and when I went back to it even doing a couple of rows caused too much pain and hubby could see this so was understanding about it all. I would love nothing more than to finish it - he loves it, and I came across it a few weeks ago and cried, the wuss that I am.

So I guess it is nothing more than resentment on my part because it is something I adore doing and can no longer do. I don't know their personal circumstances so try not to judge although I know from experience if someone can knit on a regular basis it is unlikely they will need conventional care of buttoning up clothes, help with food etc - it is a difficult situation I think as the variants seem wide compared between claimants, some seem to get HRC easily, others who you believe do need it seem to have to fight

Anubis_2

ab.da54 wrote: »

I see what you mean. Please accept my apologies for misinterpreting your post.

I mean going on holiday, going to clubs, pubs, meals out, the seaside, the fairground, concerts, festivals, and so on.

Not just one thing in years but weekly things.

No worries about the misinterpretation, it is very easily done on forums because there is no tone of voice. I managed a meal out on Valentine's day during the day but had to come home within the hour unfortunately. Before that Goodness knows.

My son was home from Uni recently and we all wanted to go out for a family meal as it was months since we had seen him, but I never acheived it - I felt such a letdown because everyone was looking forward to it. He then went back for the weekend and travelled up for another four days hoping I would manage it, but I simply couldn't so we settled for a takeaway.

I know the kids say "it's alright mum, we understand" but that still doesn't take away how awful I feel for letting the side down. I guess if people are doing such things on a regular basis, it is questionable really, and makes me feel a bit resentful of them, as I trust that you do know such people.

Pennywise2012

Whilst I absolutely agree that there are people who play the system, one thought I had regarding 'fun stuff' like going to the pub/supermarket but not going to work is that you know you can leave the supermarket whenever you want. If it's too stressful, a person can just turn around and go home, whereas there's very few jobs that would allow you to do that without comment or issue. Just another perspective!

ab.da54

Muttleythefrog wrote: »

I'm reading what you're saying. I think I'm going to use what seems to be becoming my catchphrase on MSE... failure of imagination. If you analysed what I can do and what I can;t do... what I don't do and what I do do... anyone would logically come to the conclusion I'm either making up illness or a plain liar because not a lot of it makes sense.. it isn't consistent. I was out at the weekend and was life and soul of the 'party'.. actually a post-christening meetup in pub. I didn't feel stressed or panicked. Yet I panic if I try to go towards the back of my house..lol.. suffer extreme anxiety when in my kitchen... yet as someone who avoids people and has social phobia I had no issues at the party. I will have been observed to be eccentric and odd by people.. especially family. Let me just give some examples of apparent contradiction in my reality.

I suffer depression but will always be observed to be upbeat (I rarely am observed)

I cannot maintain my self care yet I'm always presentable and groomed when out (I rarely am out)

I have to have extreme order in my environment yet my garden is in chaos and the house a mess with tools lying everywhere (depression prevents me atttaining the order I crave so I am always anxious)

I am hoping to have a reunion with old Uni friends and therefore stay away from home for a couple days... yet I am unable to use a shop within walking distance of my house.

I could go on and on. But let me quote directly what a psychiatrist said to me on friday "you are very evasive", "you are saying a lot without telling me anything about you".. and similar... and yet on MSE I get the opposite response from people. Oh... and to add... I found the ATOS medical extremely causing of anxiety.. in lead up to and at the event... yet I'm also someone who has been in situations that would cause any regular person immense distress and yet they barely registered with me at all.. I'm thinking being shot at from close range.. I'm thinking being interviewed by police for very serious offences. It's easy for someone to then say... so you're telling me you weren't stressed at being interviewed by the police regarding crimes yet you struggled to cope with meeting a nurse for 30 minutes.

People's mental illness often won't make a lot of sense when played out in reality. I tend to reserve judgement on people's integrity surrounding the matter for precisely the fact I must look like an obvious case of someone taking the proverbials. In fact I get ESA and DLA because I pose a risk to others or require supervision.. yet I would think I must be one of the best behaved people on this website... how can that be?

I understand what you are saying, Muttleythefrog, and, on one level, would agree with you. The thing is though, I am a reader, not only am I a reader, but I absorb.

It never ceases to amaze me that people put so much of their life on a screen. Perhaps it is because I am a private individual and prefer to discuss things other than my personal situation.

I'm rambling, apologies. Anyway, you have commented on your private life, your illness and I, personally, would not call you a liar, because of the way your MH issues affect you.

Other people forget what they are posting on the screen. I read it, I absorb it and I can see the bigger picture.

That does not mean that everyone receiving benefits for ill health is a fraud, or that they are lying. I do not discuss my own health and I understand that some people will discuss good times rather than bad but people really do forget what they post and yes, in some instances, I do wonder. It does puzzle me, because the only time ill health creeps in is when challenged or when work related stuff comes into play.

I can see the difference, just as I see the difference between not wanting to talk about ill health and only discussing it when suits. It is nothing to do with a lack of imagination.

ab.da54

Anubis wrote: »

No worries about the misinterpretation, it is very easily done on forums because there is no tone of voice. I managed a meal out on Valentine's day during the day but had to come home within the hour unfortunately. Before that Goodness knows.

My son was home from Uni recently and we all wanted to go out for a family meal as it was months since we had seen him, but I never acheived it - I felt such a letdown because everyone was looking forward to it. He then went back for the weekend and travelled up for another four days hoping I would manage it, but I simply couldn't so we settled for a takeaway.

I know the kids say "it's alright mum, we understand" but that still doesn't take away how awful I feel for letting the side down. I guess if people are doing such things on a regular basis, it is questionable really, and makes me feel a bit resentful of them, as I trust that you do know such people.

It must be very difficult if you have children and a disability.

You know, there is a lady who manages to go swimming once a week. She has MH issues and I don't consider that she is a fraud or putting it on. I worry when she doesn't make it as I know that the exercise can only be of benefit to her.

Majority of people do not see everyone as swinging the lead but do see where things don't match up. Of course, like I say, one word against someone claiming benefits and the person speaking out is the devil hiself.

ab.da54

Pennywise2012 wrote: »

Whilst I absolutely agree that there are people who play the system, one thought I had regarding 'fun stuff' like going to the pub/supermarket but not going to work is that you know you can leave the supermarket whenever you want. If it's too stressful, a person can just turn around and go home, whereas there's very few jobs that would allow you to do that without comment or issue. Just another perspective!

that is something I had not considered, Pennywise. Thank you.

Yes, I can see how that would work, and perhaps that is where someone could build upon with regards how their health affects them.

Muttleythefrog

ab.da54 wrote: »

I understand what you are saying, Muttleythefrog, and, on one level, would agree with you. The thing is though, I am a reader, not only am I a reader, but I absorb.

It never ceases to amaze me that people put so much of their life on a screen. Perhaps it is because I am a private individual and prefer to discuss things other than my personal situation.

I'm rambling, apologies. Anyway, you have commented on your private life, your illness and I, personally, would not call you a liar, because of the way your MH issues affect you.

Other people forget what they are posting on the screen. I read it, I absorb it and I can see the bigger picture.

That does not mean that everyone receiving benefits for ill health is a fraud, or that they are lying. I do not discuss my own health and I understand that some people will discuss good times rather than bad but people really do forget what they post and yes, in some instances, I do wonder. It does puzzle me, because the only time ill health creeps in is when challenged or when work related stuff comes into play.

I can see the difference, just as I see the difference between not wanting to talk about ill health and only discussing it when suits. It is nothing to do with a lack of imagination.

Your first paragraphs are important regards understanding me. I have diagnosed covert Schizoid PD. It makes me evasive of people whilst trying to present as the opposite.. someone socially available. So you get a bizarre effect of someone giving lots of personal information (including even my personal finance spreadsheet on MSE) and full benefits information and quotes from psychiatric reports etc... yet at the same time being someone who is evasive regarding people and the my true nature... in the 2 meetings I had with the experience psychiatrist in last month he was enormously frustrated at my inability to convey anything about me that meant something to him... so much so I almost walked out.. and am now going to cancel the next appointment... he behaved erratically and like he was the disturbed patient quite frankly. So incredibly I've told of details on MSE including sexual details of conversations I've had with someone who thinks I don't tell them anything about me... the question is who is right... am I a closed shop or open book... well I'm both...I tell people a lot without telling them anything much private... what is private to me is very different than to most.

I recall in a debate about religion someone on MSE said they'd never discuss sex with anyone other than their husband. I smiled to myself because I will talk to anyone I don't know about sex..lol. I wouldn't think twice about talking about sex at a bar with a stranger yet I suffer social anxiety problems... it seems at odds.

When talking about work related environments as someone else has eluded to it raises some important dimensions to consider. My issues regarding work are that it forces me to do what I'll never do beyond the very short term superficial... cooperate with people. There are many more things regarding work environment.. or at least typical work environments that are triggering of problems for me that in day to day life I evade or manager to keep a lid on. So in effect... I would appear to an outsider perhaps to be someone who moves into a work situation and suddenly develops a lot of problems... the most notable in my last job was that I was surrounded by a lot of young females... this was triggering all sorts of imagery and sounds that were not real but prevented me focussing on the reality. An outsider may say... 'how is it that you don't have all these disturbing and distracting images except strangely when you come into work'... well because at home I'm not surrounded by over 50 young ladies... I do suffer these images and sounds when in places like town centres to such an extent that I really am a potential roadkill...lol.

Regarding nice things... that kind of thing.. people appear able to function when they're going to do enjoyable stuff but seemingly not otherwise. Well again there is the potential for unseen factors... when I'm watching The Apprentice on TV I am largely without the symptoms of my MH problems. When I'm drunk I seem to gain a whole load more and lose some. I live without seemingly gaining pleasure from anything in life... a lot of MH patients will suffer similarly... if I were to find something enjoyable I am not sure how it would affect me... but I could well imagine many of my symptoms could be suspended. I don't get much done because I lack motivation... if something motivated me it could be transformative. Perception of concepts even like pain can vary enormously depending upon circumstance... it would be a mistake to rule out the same with other brain related functionality. It should be noted that in my two recent social engagements I revealed to people (brother, long known acquiantance) the reasons I get my benefits and all laughed... laughed in the sense they thought it was ridiculous.

Anubis_2

ab.da54 wrote: »

It must be very difficult if you have children and a disability.

You know, there is a lady who manages to go swimming once a week. She has MH issues and I don't consider that she is a fraud or putting it on. I worry when she doesn't make it as I know that the exercise can only be of benefit to her.

Majority of people do not see everyone as swinging the lead but do see where things don't match up. Of course, like I say, one word against someone claiming benefits and the person speaking out is the devil hiself.

It's been a very difficult struggle regarding the children, a nightmare infact and, if I had my time back again and knew what was going to happen to me, I can categorically state I would not have had children.

Not because I don't love them, or resent them, but because if I knew I was going to become this disabled and ill, speaking from experience of how difficult it has been for them, I would feel it totally unfair to bring a child into such a situation. Hindsight is a wonderful thing though and sadly I was not aware of my future.

I can understand people speaking out against some on benefits, and don't believe they are the devil incarnate when they do, but what I find annoying though is when someone tars everyone with the same brush and believes that 90 percent of claimants are frauds.

The type who think anyone on benefits can and should work, without considering there is only half a million jobs for the three million jobless, so it is impossible for everyone to work.

Additionally such people believing everyone on benefits has a 60 inch TV, SKY, booze on tap and a never ending supply of fags and luxuries, including regular holidays abroad and designer handbags without considering that it really is not like that for a lot of folk.

SingleSue

When I had my breakdown in 2005, I went through the motions of still going to social events but found it incredibly stressful. I remember one particular annual event for the sport I like where there is a forum meet up, I just couldn't face the meet up so we (myself and now ex hubby) went straight to the stadium, hoping to hide away, only for my friends to then come and find me because I had been missing from the meet up.

It was horrible trying to explain why I felt I couldn't make the meet up (I had told no-one about my breakdown and had withdrawn from online communication - one of my danger signs) and in my attempts to hide away and not have the attention, I had actually achieved the opposite but I just could not handle being around all these happy people, full of enthusiasm when I felt so empty inside.

I also had to still do the school runs, attend appointments with the boys and do the shopping despite just wanting to stay in bed with the duvet over my head, I had no choice, I had to do it or the boys would not have gone to school and we would not have had food on the table.

I did have some time off work (at full pay) but it never crossed my mind I could claim for it, so subsequently, returned to work once I had exceeded the paid sick leave.....and had a relapse as a result (but still continued at work, struggling big time), everyone became a dab hand at hiding anything sharp!

ab.da54

Anubis wrote: »

I can understand people speaking out against some on benefits, and don't believe they are the devil incarnate when they do, but what I find annoying though is when someone tars everyone with the same brush and believes that 90 percent of claimants are frauds.

The type who think anyone on benefits can and should work, without considering there is only half a million jobs for the three million jobless, so it is impossible for everyone to work.

Additionally such people believing everyone on benefits has a 60 inch TV, SKY, booze on tap and a never ending supply of fags and luxuries, including regular holidays abroad and designer handbags without considering that it really is not like that for a lot of folk.

Yes, I do not understand why some people feel everyone on sickness related benefits is a fraud. Majority of people are genuine claimants.

The few have made it very difficult for the majority.