What to do with an elderly who refuses help.

margaretclare

pink68 wrote: »

I do her shopping.

And her cooking is a bit dodgy of late. She always blames the electric, never her fault, and sometimes she cant tell me what shes had to eat when i ask.

But she crammed the chocolate eclair down today so she still has an appetite!

I used to love those, but they're an absolute no-no!

KxMx

Good luck now OP, all that is required is to stick to your guns and not do everything for her.

Hopefully then she will realise what she needs help with and ask, for you to put that in place ie a carer, and you both reach a point where the situation is better for both of you.

thistledome

pink68 wrote: »

I still love her dearly but she's not the gran i knew when i was a child and i have to get used to that. I'll do whats right by her, but with a bit less emotion.

That's so sad. She probably misses being the old Nan you knew too. Can't be easy outliving your children (I'm assuming here that your Mum was her Daughter, soz if not). I think when old people bemoan their lack of company it's rather a lack of friends with something in common.

It's a bit rubbish being old, however, the alternative isn't that attractive either.

OP, I think you're doing the right thing in stepping back slightly. You can't live her life for her. She's very lucky to have you there in case of emergencies. Some old people have nobody to care about them.

margaretclare

thistledome wrote: »

That's so sad. She probably misses being the old Nan you knew too. Can't be easy outliving your children (I'm assuming here that your Mum was her Daughter, soz if not). I think when old people bemoan their lack of company it's rather a lack of friends with something in common.

It's a bit rubbish being old, however, the alternative isn't that attractive either.

OP, I think you're doing the right thing in stepping back slightly. You can't live her life for her. She's very lucky to have you there in case of emergencies. Some old people have nobody to care about them.

Yes. I have already outlived one of my children and it's a pain that just doesn't go away.

I often wonder what I would have been like by now - mid-70s - if I hadn't got together with DH when we were both 62. Although we came from very different backgrounds, at least we have certain things in common from our generation. We spend ages just talking and doing things together. A lot of the women of my age, however, when I talk to them I don't seem to have a lot in common at all.

pink68

I think it hurts her a great deal that my mum passed before her. My father died when I was child so MY MUM was very close to HER MUM for all that time.

I think the final straw though was last year when Gran lost her sister who was a few years younger than her. Although she moaned like mad about her they only lived five doors apart for most of their adult life.

Now she's the only one of her generation left.

I saw her today for half an hour and had a cuppa, she seemed content. And i'm going to try and find people to do some of the things I have been doing for her, like cutting her toenails and the gardening. I just need to make sure they're people who are trustworthy as she sometimes forgets that pound notes dont exist anymore and trys to give me ten times what she owes me for shopping! Putting me feelers out to people i know.

Feel like a weight has been lifted and slept like a log last night

margaretclare

You should NOT be cutting her toenails for her! Even when I was a district nurse I was not allowed to do that. It's a specialist job for a chiropodist/podiatrist, and there are some who will do home visits.

Gardening - yes, I know. The problem we have had in finding a local gardener has been compounded by the terrible unpredictable weather. Two Tuesdays in succession our lady gardener could not come because of heavy rain for 2 successive nights, making the garden just too soggy to get a lawn-mower on to it. She, and all the other local gardeners, are playing 'catch up' because of days and weeks on end they haven't been able to keep their appointments.

Just been talking to my late daughter's mother-in-law, a nice woman, but she has been describing how many of her age-group are just 'dropping off the perch' in ones, twos and threes!

pink68

I dont think she's that bothered about the garden, so if they couldnt make it one or two weeks that would be fine. Its more that I dont want the house to appear neglected and become a target if that makes sense. She's potentially so vulnerable.

With regard to the nail cutting, I dont enjoy it so will be glad to pass it on, but what is the problem with me doing it? It's no more onerous than cutting my own, she has no issues with her feet. Is there a reason its not advised?

Savvy_Sue

pink68 wrote: »

With regard to the nail cutting, I dont enjoy it so will be glad to pass it on, but what is the problem with me doing it? It's no more onerous than cutting my own, she has no issues with her feet. Is there a reason its not advised?

I'd say it's just so difficult to do it properly without causing problems. It's especially important for diabetics, they (I think) can get free chiropody on the NHS - IF they can get it because I know the waiting lists can be horrific!

However, I'd start with the GP surgery: do they have contacts?

Torry_Quine

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

I'd say it's just so difficult to do it properly without causing problems. It's especially important for diabetics, they (I think) can get free chiropody on the NHS - IF they can get it because I know the waiting lists can be horrific!

However, I'd start with the GP surgery: do they have contacts?

She will be entitled to free chiropody on the NHS and her GP is the person to organise this. My great-aunt got this at home until she went into a care home and it continues there. The staff aren't allowed to cut nails at all.

pink68

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

I'd say it's just so difficult to do it properly without causing problems. It's especially important for diabetics, they (I think) can get free chiropody on the NHS - IF they can get it because I know the waiting lists can be horrific!

However, I'd start with the GP surgery: do they have contacts?

Thanks, she's not diabetic and the only reason i've been doing them is she cant actually bend down to do them (though she can do her own shoelaces up...hmmm). Just normal toenails, like mine but harder!

Anyways I think i've found someone trained in both old people and nails. just waiting to hear back on prices.

now to find a reliable and trustworthy gardener!