help!!13yr old daughter talking to strangers on internet

edgex

laurel7172 wrote: »

That would make what the parents said to the OP quite odd. Young people do acquire new friends, and responsible parents check each other out, albeit with varying degrees of shiftiness and embarrassment. As this is sleepover central, I've been through the spectrum, from the cheerful "Hi-hope you don't mind, but I've come to meet you." to "Ermm...I'm...C's mum...erm...erm..." I can't imagine any caring parent objecting to another parent checking their child is safe.

claire16c wrote: »

I thought the same thing until I read the response they gave her.

Either theyre incredibly rude idiots, or therye not really the parents.

Only way to find out would be the webcam.

has the OP deleted/edited a post?
as i still cant find this supposed response from the boys parents

GobbledyGook

I took this to be the parents reply in the OP

i sent a message to the parents asking them to stop contacting my daughter as while i did not have a problem with her talkin to their son i was not comfortable with her talkin to them on the webcam..maybe even when the son was not there..her reply to this was that she is old enough to decide for herself and that i shud back off and let her live her own life without me checking up on her...

going by the OP's next post referring to their actions/stance.

System

I learnt the hard way that people on the internet aren't always who they say they are and there are some bad people out there

mrcow

edgex wrote: »

er, the OP hasnt made any mention of a response from the boys parents

all we know is that the boys parents requested that the girl go on webcam. thats the last communication from them.

Yes they did.

Read the thread properly.

bonjovibel_729

well think i have managed to get the woman to back off from my daughter after threatening her twice with going to facebook and the police it seems she has deleted my dd....however my dd now thinks i am the devil incarnate and apparetly has decided she wants to go live with her dad now as me and my oh are sooooo unreasonable and horrible parents...i admit we do shout at her more often than my youngest two that are 9 and 4 only because she doesnt listen and backchats more....she thinks we treat the youngest ones special and her like a 'piece of poo' as she puts it

apprently her dad has already agreed to let her move in with him even though he has his gfs three kids living there already...

she moved in with him about 2 yrs ago and stayed there for a mnth then decided she wanted to come home so i cant believe my ex is allowing this to happen again....pls the fact she has end of term exams soon

am sitting here in tears as i reallllllly dont know what i can do any advice wud be appreciated thanks

findingmyownway

I think you need to determine exactly what her dad has said. I assume when you say 'apparently' she can move in, you're taking her word for it.

However, its worth trying again to rebuild your relationship before arguing about who lives where. You say you have 9 and 4 yr olds. Are these your current OH's children? Is it it possible a lot of this is a cry for your attention? Would some mother-daughter time help, away from the source of conflict etc?

Amanda65

Hi bonjovibel

Have bene followig this thread over the past few days and am sorry to hear of the problems you are having. Can I ask if your younger children are OH's whereas your eldest DD is the only one from a previous relationship? If so how is the relationship with your OH and DD? I am not for one minute condoning her behaviour ( I know how challengin 13 yo dd's can be :eek:) but wonder if this adds to her feelings of you treating her differently to the other two?

With regard to the internet contact with the boys family, I think the fact that his parents have deleted your DD now you have threatened to report them speaks volumes and says you were right to trust your instincts. Have you sat down with DD and asked her to talk sensibly to you about why she genuinely doesn't see this is a problem and has she let you explain to her why you do?

With the summer holidays coming up, is there a possibility of negotiating some extra time with her Dad once exams are over. She may well discover that the grass isn't greener on the other side when she has to vie for attention as one of four instead of as one of three :rotfl:

bonjovibel_729

Amanda65 wrote: »

Hi bonjovibel

Have bene followig this thread over the past few days and am sorry to hear of the problems you are having. Can I ask if your younger children are OH's whereas your eldest DD is the only one from a previous relationship? If so how is the relationship with your OH and DD? I am not for one minute condoning her behaviour ( I know how challengin 13 yo dd's can be :eek:) but wonder if this adds to her feelings of you treating her differently to the other two?

With regard to the internet contact with the boys family, I think the fact that his parents have deleted your DD now you have threatened to report them speaks volumes and says you were right to trust your instincts. Have you sat down with DD and asked her to talk sensibly to you about why she genuinely doesn't see this is a problem and has she let you explain to her why you do?

With the summer holidays coming up, is there a possibility of negotiating some extra time with her Dad once exams are over. She may well discover that the grass isn't greener on the other side when she has to vie for attention as one of four instead of as one of three :rotfl:

hiya thanks i have three kids the eldest two daughters are my exes and the youngest boy is my current oh so surely my other daughter wud feel the same if that was the case ....

i say apparently she can move in with him as i dont want to contact him again if i dont have to as i asked him for help on the weekend and i got threatened and basically told i am a rubbish parent and shud just let her have some 'space'

have tried sitting down calmly and asking her why she is acting like this and she just cant give me a reason .... told her that i was not sending this womn horrible messages and that she was being nasty to me even let her read the messages but she still wont believe me

apparently my oh is horrible and nasty to her but now she has said that he is a nice person and is only nasty because i have maed him that way......

everythin i say to her gets relayed back to her dad so am scared of sayin anythin to her anymore....he told her it sounds like i am losing the plot!!!!

i wonder why with a 13 yr creating havoc two other kids an oh who is being threatened by an ex and on top of htat trying to ferry my mum back and fore to hospital for her cancer treatment ....feel like everythin is going wrong grrrrrrrrrrrrr

Amanda65

bonjovibel_729 wrote: »

hiya thanks i have three kids the eldest two daughters are my exes and the youngest boy is my current oh so surely my other daughter wud feel the same if that was the case ....

i say apparently she can move in with him as i dont want to contact him again if i dont have to as i asked him for help on the weekend and i got threatened and basically told i am a rubbish parent and shud just let her have some 'space'

have tried sitting down calmly and asking her why she is acting like this and she just cant give me a reason .... told her that i was not sending this womn horrible messages and that she was being nasty to me even let her read the messages but she still wont believe me

apparently my oh is horrible and nasty to her but now she has said that he is a nice person and is only nasty because i have maed him that way......

everythin i say to her gets relayed back to her dad so am scared of sayin anythin to her anymore....he told her it sounds like i am losing the plot!!!!

i wonder why with a 13 yr creating havoc two other kids an oh who is being threatened by an ex and on top of htat trying to ferry my mum back and fore to hospital for her cancer treatment ....feel like everythin is going wrong grrrrrrrrrrrrr

13 yo girls are notoriously fickle! Add into the mix a load of hormones and a general need to buck against any authority (you!), anything she feels is unfair (you!) and an inability to accept that sometimes she is wrong and someone else (you! - do you see a pattern emerging :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:) and you have the disharmony that tends to surround living with a teenager. The fact that she has a step-parent to rail against and a father who can be as maganimous and supportive as he wants because he parents from a distance and the potential for fireworks is set.

Do you get much time on your own with your DD? What if you took her out - just the two -of you - for supper or coffee and cake and actually tried to sort out why she thinks she is treated so badly? Again I am in no way condoning her behaviour and I am definitely not a 'liberal, fluffy' parent but do think that becoming a teenager and finding your place in life isn't that easy. Alternatively is there an Aunty / close family friend who could become her 'ear' and get to the bottom of all of this?

Finally I can remember as a teenager having a friend who was so much more 'wordly' than me who was forever suggesting we 'went clubbing in London' or down the pub (we were 15 :eek::eek:) and my parents saying no and I threw myself around and said how controlling and out of touch they were but was secretly really pleased as her suggestions terrified me:D Maybe, just maybe, your DD feels this is how she 'should' respond ! Keep remembering that you are the parent and what you say goes when it comes to keeping you DD safe.

Sambucus_Nigra

You are the parent and it's your job to protect her.

She is the teenager and it's her job to throw a wobbly.

The thing that worries me is all this is all her threats of what she will do if you don't do A,B,C...

So you are either going to have to bow to her demands, or tell her that no matter what threats she pulls - you are her mother and it's your job to do A,B,C...

I do agree that maybe an auntie or close friend might want to hang around when you know things are going to get nasty so that they can maybe suggest she goes out with them for a break, and maybe they might get her to open up a bit.

After reflecting about this - you don't think the 12 yr old boy is a front for the parents? Most 12 yr old boys I know aren't in the slightest bit interested in girls...