Hoarding...not just on TV

idristhedragon

Wow some great posts this morning.
Sybil Im so glad you got checked out- now take it easy and have a think about educating the DH!!
I too am a massive control freak, and 2 years ago I broke my foot in at least 22 places. I was TOTALLY non weight bearing for 9 months, with periods of up to a fortnight in hospital, and not able to get off the sofa at home for 6 of the 9 months. I did the injury and my youngests 2nd birthday party and have kids of (at the time) 5,6,12 as well. It was, as you can imagine, absolutely horrendous and The Prof (who was The Dr still at the time LOL) had to do EVERYTHING. As you can imagine from his title his job isnt without its stresses and a LOT of international travel. The day they took my plaster cast off and allowed me to go in a velcro boot thing he jetted off to Australia for 10 days!! ANYWAY we have the double edged sword of MIL and Mum living within a mile and I used to literally want to SCREAM when I could hear them MESSING up my routines/cupboards/hoards dare I say in the kitchen when I was stuck in the living room with my leg in the air!
Eventually I hired a wheelchair and within 24 hours of hiring it made a roast dinner for 6! I got quite adept at whizzing round the kitchen! I also started shopping online so I still had control of the food and utilised the slow cooker and things like frozen chopped onions so I could just lob them all in the slow cooker and still be IN CHARGE (in my head ha ha)
I also have Crohns and have been known to be ambulanced off in the middle of the night (while insisting Im FINE and will everyone stop MAKING A FUSS- why do we do it ?) and have got pretty good at shoving a kindle in one pocket and iphone and charger in the other of my dressing gown! Not quite a bail out bag but makes a night on the gastro ward slightly more bearable
This morning I am writing lists of things to sort. It makes me feel slightly better and hopefully will get a buzz from the satisfaction of ticking things off that I will complete them all.
I am stuck in waiting for two deliveries today- new phone, new boots (shh!) and new work equipment. If I tell you I am basically Marjorie Dawes (Little Britian? Fat Fighters? Dust, anyone?) in my professional life then I tell you its new SCALES I am waiting on you will see the importance of this Bl**dy delivery that has already gone AWOL once!

elona

WS

I am so glad you got a diagnosis but it must have been bad having to go to A and E. Make sure you rest and table top dishwasher is a good idea. I got a DW years ago because whenever menfolk tried to be helpful and did any washing up , cups were still stained, marks were still on plates and things were covered in a greasy film that made me feel sick.

DD is still insisting she is not and was not ill despite needing daily injections for blood clots and seeing consultant in ten days to find out how badly her kidneys were damaged by acute kidney disease.
It is a constant battle to try to get her to take medication and she resents us bitterly for taking her to A and E so life is fun here

Found a Shirley Goode recipe for spicy lentil soup on her blog so might cook that tonight with a potato, ham and onion bake to go with it.

Don't want to leave the house in case I miss a phone call or medical visit so dh is getting milk and bread while he is out.

Hugs to all

Byatt

I haven't read all the posts yet, wow, you're chatty this morning! :T

But wanted to say Sybil, well done on going to the ER! I am so glad it's something that can be treated, or at least is curable. But if you'd left it it could have been a lot worse I imagine.

Oh and tabletop dishwashers can be expensive for what they are. Do you have room for one, if so I would go for a small size (they take a surprisingly large amount), if not full size. Look on freegle even or in the local paper. I've had a table top years ago and it's good but not much cheaper.

I love dishwashers, they are so efficient and compared to washing up they are efficient with water too. I have no real room for one.

Anyway, I'm rambling. xxx

wannabe_sybil

I feel a bit about the slight derail (or not so slight ) but I think you could say that it will, eventually, help the hoarding.

You see, I am having to look at things in a different way and try and work out what needs to be a priority. As for OH, bless him, he was so worried about me. Washing up - the worst row in our marriage was over that, he had left glasses opaque, I could not believe then and I struggle to believe now that he could be that bad accidentally. It was bad washing up as an art form. I have ordered a table top dishwasher (no room for a 'proper' one - massive kitchen, appalling layout). The one time OH used the washing machine, despite me giving v clear instructions, he broke the door and as the machine was on its way out anyway, we ending up needing a new one.

Regardless of OH's little ways, I have always found that things work best for me if there is a place for something and a system for getting it into that place. I am planning on focusing on that a lot this week - but keeping more to the theory I need to be realistic. If I make any breakthroughs I will definitely share.

Also to share - I just went to make something for lunch, and it was soooo easy to find it all in the cupboards. They are the ones I sorted last week. I was eyeing up some stuff and considering whether it would be worth to go.

Elona - so sorry that you are going through this. You have been so kind, may I make a suggestion? When your DH is home, in the evening, go for a little walk or something. You must be going stir crazy! Hope your daughter 'gets it' soon, it will make it so much easier for you. You must have the patience of a saint to cope!

Idris (love the name) - it is hard losing the 'rhythm' in the house, even if, in my case it is a faint and rather uneven rhythm. I sympathise so much! I had my mother in law when I dislocated both shoulders and for every half hour of help I got two hours of telling off!

hugs to all, and thank you again for the hugs, information and support. Sorry if I haven't mentioned someone by name - I am reading, digesting and appreciating all the posts.

lostinrates

Two new to me beautiful flat sheets and a very padded mattress protector!

PipneyJane

wannabe_sybil wrote: »

Thank you so much for thinking about me.

I went to A&E last night. Apparently, after all the bits, the cartilage around the heart area has become inflamed, which is causing the pain. This is probably due to a virus. Apparently I am also running a temperature.

I feel ill, shaky, queasy and tired - but a lot calmer. OH covered the night shift, did little bear's lunch (with a bit of help) and took little bear into preschool club.

Today is looking like dvds and knitting.

OH has had a go at ironing. It is agony to watch, painful! He would outsource if I wasn't here. I am actually a bit worried that if I wasn't here there would be a lot of problems. He can't wash up - seriously. The worst row in our married life was over washing up. He had washed glasses and they were opaque with yeurk. Today I am risking debt and going to get a table top dishwasher. We have no room for anything else, and I worry about little bear. OH doesn't see dust, doesn't see dirt, has never really done any housework. Not because he has been obstructive, I've never really asked him to.

I really need to sit down and have a really long think about this.

So, if I am a bit quiet, I am deep in either dvds, knitting, internet forums or thought. I really appreciate all the help and support I have had. Jojo - thank you so much for that information. It is not only amazingly useful for me, but is a good help to anyone else reading.

Hugs to all, Elona, still thinking of you and your daughter. Have they got any answers yet and is your daughter dealing with it okay? Byatt - hope all goes well with the kitchen. D&DD - that must feel sooooo good. Sorry if I have missed anyone.

Sybil, I'm delurking to say how glad I am that you went to A&E. Please do exactly what the specialists tell you so that your heart can heal without damage from the inflamation.

I don't want to beat you up about this issue any further, but that next time you get any chest pain DO NOT DELAY. Go directly to A&E, even if you have to call an ambulance to take you there. The same goes for the rest of you on this Board.

Sybil - stop reading this post now and come back when you've got the "all clear" from the specialists. What I'm going to say next doesn't apply to your current diagnosis and I don't want to worry you further.








[ adopts bossy nurse voice ]

OK. This is directed at the rest of you. As usual, JoJo got it spot on. Pain is usually the first sign that your heart is screaming for oxygen. The majority of deaths from heart attacks occur within the first hour and over 90% of those would have been prevented if the sufferer had called an ambulance when the pain started. Why? Because the starving-for-oxygen heart muscle sends out it's own electrical signals (like lightening bolts), which can disrupt the regular heartbeat and stop it pumping blood to your brain.

If you have chest pain, don't phone the GP. Don't phone NHS Direct. Don't call your husband and wait for him to get home from work. Call an ambulance and get put on oxygen and a heart monitor as quickly as possible.

I know I'm usually only a lurker, but you're a nice bunch and I'd hate to lose any of you.

PipneyJane

elona wrote: »

WS

I am so glad you got a diagnosis but it must have been bad having to go to A and E. Make sure you rest and table top dishwasher is a good idea. I got a DW years ago because whenever menfolk tried to be helpful and did any washing up , cups were still stained, marks were still on plates and things were covered in a greasy film that made me feel sick.

DD is still insisting she is not and was not ill despite needing daily injections for blood clots and seeing consultant in ten days to find out how badly her kidneys were damaged by acute kidney disease.
It is a constant battle to try to get her to take medication and she resents us bitterly for taking her to A and E so life is fun here

Found a Shirley Goode recipe for spicy lentil soup on her blog so might cook that tonight with a potato, ham and onion bake to go with it.

Don't want to leave the house in case I miss a phone call or medical visit so dh is getting milk and bread while he is out.

Hugs to all

Hugs back atcha, Elona. I hope your daughter continues to improve.

How old is your daughter? Would it help if, next time you're at the hospital with her, someone else spoke to her about her kidney disease? Either the nurse specialist or, even, a teenaged fellow patient from the renal unit? (When I was a student nurse, the older teenagers at the Children's Hospital would often come and talk to the younger kids about life with their disease. I think some of them had been given special training.)

valk_scot

wannabe_sybil wrote: »

Thank you so much for thinking about me.

I went to A&E last night. Apparently, after all the bits, the cartilage around the heart area has become inflamed, which is causing the pain. This is probably due to a virus. Apparently I am also running a temperature.

I feel ill, shaky, queasy and tired - but a lot calmer. OH covered the night shift, did little bear's lunch (with a bit of help) and took little bear into preschool club.

Today is looking like dvds and knitting.

OH has had a go at ironing. It is agony to watch, painful! He would outsource if I wasn't here. I am actually a bit worried that if I wasn't here there would be a lot of problems. He can't wash up - seriously. The worst row in our married life was over washing up. He had washed glasses and they were opaque with yeurk. Today I am risking debt and going to get a table top dishwasher. We have no room for anything else, and I worry about little bear. OH doesn't see dust, doesn't see dirt, has never really done any housework. Not because he has been obstructive, I've never really asked him to.

I really need to sit down and have a really long think about this.

So, if I am a bit quiet, I am deep in either dvds, knitting, internet forums or thought. I really appreciate all the help and support I have had. Jojo - thank you so much for that information. It is not only amazingly useful for me, but is a good help to anyone else reading.

Hugs to all, Elona, still thinking of you and your daughter. Have they got any answers yet and is your daughter dealing with it okay? Byatt - hope all goes well with the kitchen. D&DD - that must feel sooooo good. Sorry if I have missed anyone.

You do need to have a think about this, yes. I'm firmly of the opinion that both parents need to be able to cover the eeesential bases of childcare when required and both/all adults in a household should know at least the minimum required to keep the house functioning. That doesn't however mean that they all do the tasks the same way though, or to the exact standards set down by one peson only. It's highly counter-productive to try to micro-manage a household, the other folk resent it and will eventually stop trying at all if they always feel they're going to be held to (to them) an impossibly high standard. Smeary glasses aren't life threatening, neither are creased shirts and weirdly made packed lunches or
dust most of the time. Viruses affecting the heart on the other hand can be life threatening. So yes, you have to have a serious think about this.

lostinrates

valk_scot wrote: »

You do need to have a think about this, yes. I'm firmly of the opinion that both parents need to be able to cover the eeesential bases of childcare when required and both/all adults in a household should know at least the minimum required to keep the house functioning. That doesn't however mean that they all do the tasks the same way though, or to the exact standards set down by one peson only. It's highly counter-productive to try to micro-manage a household, the other folk resent it and will eventually stop trying at all if they always feel they're going to be held to (to them) an impossibly high standard. Smeary glasses aren't life threatening, neither are creased shirts and weirdly made packed lunches or
dust most of the time. Viruses affecting the heart on the other hand can be life threatening. So yes, you have to have a serious think about this.

I love the way we keep coming back to the same issues that impact so many of us.

This springing from the same vein I was writing in this morning yet hit me right between the eyes.

We are right back not just with control but perfectionism, and when dh does a job and says.' doesn't look great now? ' and I say, ' it looks better than it did'. It's so damning of me, he nor I can possibly live in a house from the pages of country living day in and out. It's a wreck and there is mud.

alec_eiffel

Control and perfectionism seem to be best friends don't they.

DH had a big mindshift that really helped me when I was first getting rid of stuff. If I thought I'd had a good day I'd be really excited but he'd get home from work and I'd see him scanning round the room at all the stuff I hadn't touched and it broke my heart. One day he saw how upset I was and he started being really positive about the progress instead of seeing what was still there and that really helped me to go on and achieve more rather than slipping back into the familiar "I can't do it all so there's no point in starting" mindset.