Hoarding...not just on TV

wannabe_sybil

Elona - hoping your daughter has seen sense

Idris - hope your little girl is feeling better. So terrifying!

Lostinrates - big hugs! You are looking after your lovely, and that is what matters. btw I get a lot of inspiration from your posts.

Valkscot - I hear what you are saying about perfectionism, and I am working on it, but OH when he washes up does not get all the food off the plates/forks etc. There is a high yeurk factor. I could let him iron his own shirt, if necessary. His boss would have absolute fits though.

Hugs to anyone I have missed.

Feeling a bit better. Today is likely to be me going back to bed after the school run.

I have been considering the yarn mountain. It is a difficult one. I enjoy knitting, I like knitting things like scarves and blankets that do not need a particular type of wool/quantity and I find it really important to have something to do with my hands while eg watching tv. So I plan to finish stuffing the cushions and then work hard on getting that down. It will make a big hole if I use up the yarn. I don't want to throw it out, because I really enjoy using it. However I think getting it down to a smaller pile and then adding to it only as required would make me feel better. I did some comfort shopping of yarn a while ago. Ebay is my friend (and with friends like that...)

I was planning this week to start ebaying the huge binsacks of scarves and knitted blankets this week. Maybe next week. They may sell. If they do, great. If they don't they go to the charity shop. It is a way of getting things out of the house.

Much of my perfectionism and 'don't do it at all if you can't do it right first time' came from my late mother. However the first office job I had was at the county court, and you cannot make mistakes there. I mean, mistakes happen and bad things can happen as a result. I spent over a decade having to deal with large quantities, often under huge pressure, and the absolute necessity of getting it right. I was only the grade up from filing, but I drew up documents that could mean things like prison for contempt of court. Thinking about it, I am not sure it was helpful.

hugs to all and a wave to all I have missed

lostinrates

W. Sybil, have a good time back in bed.

IMO this autumn, much like summer, is a ideal one to choose if we have to be bedridden. It's grim out there.


I continue to feel better and have acheived a normal routine this morning. Plenty of time to vacuum for the architect visiting later (who has terrible allergies to animals and dust, and ours there fore so is the absolute worst property for him to visit. But he is kind about it, and seems to enjoy our project (believe it or not I think I am one of his more easy going clients).

alec_eiffel

Patchwork_Quilt wrote: »

It seems to me that what may be 'perfectionism' in the way people do things is often just doing things the most efficient way, and people who are new to the system haven't yet found this out for themselves.

For example, DS hung out some clothes for me. My method uses as few pegs as possible; a leftover from times when we didn't have much of anything. His way of doing it looks wrong but it's just because he's never had to hang up three T-shirts with four pegs.

In other news, I put 2 pairs of black trousers in the cs drawer and am feeling surprisingly ok about it.

Also, I had that cartiledge infection thing over Christmas, which was nice, but it healed up surprisingly quickly. I remember doing deep breathing exercises.

I think that's part of the problem, when the perfectionism kicks in and it's all or nothing we see that our way is the most efficient because it's what makes sense in our mind. But our way is not the only way. I think the phrase is never look a gift horse in the mouth is someone is doing a task so we don't have to! I don't think there is an easy way to get over someone doing something that's not how we want it, I just let it happen and even though it sometimes makes me itchy I just go with it and get on with something more enjoyable.

As VJsmum says - good enough is good enough.

In terms of things like the half empty drawer of tea towels I went through that too, and it's something I battle with DH about. I have learned to embrace the idea that enough is as good as a feast, running out of things is ok and most of all that things aren't empty (negative) more that there is space to breathe (positive). Where I battle with DH is that he sees the fact that we have space as space to expand into whereas now I've reclaimed gaps in cupboards and shelves I can enjoy them!

With the knitted blankets and things cat charities like things that that. when my mum adopted her pusscat she was given a blanket that the ladies from the care home had knitted. It helps them out a lot.

Perfectionism, I don't think that perfectionism = tidy and not perfectionism = messy. Far from it, I think most tidy people I know embrace "good enough" that they've developed flexible systems that work for them and can change if things don't go according to Plan A. Messy, hoarding types that I've met, including myself in the past are all about Plan A, they're easily thrown by a spanner in the works and are inflexible and like to do things in a certain way. It sounds like a virtue but in a lot of cases isn't because we can't do things all at once so we need to be able to let it go mentally. Inflexible perfectionists can't which is why a lot of the time things grind to a halt.

blossomhill_2

WS I can quite see how your job would have affected your outlook - my first office job was proof reading Statuatory Instruments for publication and I proof read all documents like they are going to become law - I must learn to stop going back and editting my posts when I spot a typo unless it's one that makes a nonesense!

I was looking forwrad to getting my craft stash down to better proportions now I have joined an evening craft group ... but I am seeing new and wonderful crafts that I want to try and need materials for, instead of using up my own! (I have donated quite bulky bagsful of some types tho ...)

I was gazing at a pile of lovely tartan scarves given by visiting students (they all visit Edinburgh and come back with at least one!) and wondering what they'd make - I can't wear wool! But I can eat Edinburgh Rock, tablet and macaroon!

Folding flannels: I gave up years ago when I realised that flannels can stay wet - so I just have the 2 that are in use and fling them into every machine wash, take them out, hang them wet on a bathroom hook. It saves storing dry ones. (I keep a dry set in the hospital overnight bag)

It's sunny down here today, wishing you all sunshine too

blossomhill_2

valk_scot wrote: »

I have to rehang the loo roll if OH or the kids hang it the "wrong" way round.

Do you know what a rare breed of OH/kid you have - ones that will replace a loo roll!

I've never come across this species and if I did I would treasure their efforts in order to preserve the species!

VJsmum

It's funny because I opened a kitchen cupboard the other day and noticed gaps - I literally caught myself thinking "I'll need something to fill that" before realising that the gaps are what I am striving for. Silly, but I have just taken sausages out of the freezer for tea rather than stewing beef for a casserole as the sausages will be gone but the stewing beef will create a portion or two of casserole to go back in. I am determined to get through the freezer stores so that I can defrost it. But why does the stuff left in expand to fill that space?

Have not done anything on the office of doom this week. We have decorators in so the house is in utter chaos. They should finish today so I will then start the great clean up. The carpet won't be here for a week or two so I can't use that as an excuse!

lostinrates

alec_eiffel wrote: »

I think that's part of the problem, when the perfectionism kicks in and it's all or nothing we see that our way is the most efficient because it's what makes sense in our mind. But our way is not the only way. I think the phrase is never look a gift horse in the mouth is someone is doing a task so we don't have to! I don't think there is an easy way to get over someone doing something that's not how we want it, I just let it happen and even though it sometimes makes me itchy I just go with it and get on with something more enjoyable.

As VJsmum says - good enough is good enough.

In terms of things like the half empty drawer of tea towels I went through that too, and it's something I battle with DH about. I have learned to embrace the idea that enough is as good as a feast, running out of things is ok and most of all that things aren't empty (negative) more that there is space to breathe (positive). Where I battle with DH is that he sees the fact that we have space as space to expand into whereas now I've reclaimed gaps in cupboards and shelves I can enjoy them!

With the knitted blankets and things cat charities like things that that. when my mum adopted her pusscat she was given a blanket that the ladies from the care home had knitted. It helps them out a lot.

Perfectionism, I don't think that perfectionism = tidy and not perfectionism = messy. Far from it, I think most tidy people I know embrace "good enough" that they've developed flexible systems that work for them and can change if things don't go according to Plan A. Messy, hoarding types that I've met, including myself in the past are all about Plan A, they're easily thrown by a spanner in the works and are inflexible and like to do things in a certain way. It sounds like a virtue but in a lot of cases isn't because we can't do things all at once so we need to be able to let it go mentally. Inflexible perfectionists can't which is why a lot of the time things grind to a halt.

This, this, this!

I know this, so why cannot I do it? :)

alec_eiffel

It's tough. Peeling away the protective, if horrible shell, it's all part of the comfort thing I think. Even though it's not particularly comfortable...

GreyQueen

I think perfectionism is closely-allied to the character trait called conscientousness. This is something I'm afflicted with and leads to a constant background hum of notgoodenoughitis.

I suspect fellow-travellers on this thread may get where I'm coming from. F'rinstance, if my manager comes to talk to me at work my thoughts run OMG!!! What have I done wrong?!

And they have never once come to tell me I did something wrong, it's either something operational as in can I do this thing now, or actually PRAISE. My managers aren't scary people. I'm a diligent and careful employee. I'm also middle-aged and shouldn't be twitching like a naughty schoolgirl because someone in authority wants to talk to me. But I do.:o

A conscientous person believes that there is a right and a wrong way to hang a towel on a rail, address a letter, stack the dishes on the draining board etc etc and becomes distressed if they fall short of the right way or others around them cannot recognise the "right way" or don't care enough to adhere to it.

One thing I think I need to be aware of, particularly as I choose to live alone and am already middle-aged, is not to get too set in my ways and start to wander across into finikitiness (sp?) or even across into OCD territory.

It's OK for things to be so-so/ good enough/ a bit slapdash/ untidy etc. Things don't have to match and co-ordinate. Nobody worth knowing gives a monkey's, really, and if your pals still like you, and are prepared to drink or eat stuff from your kitchen, then it's clean and tidy enough in there, too.

After all, where in the RW have you had, or overheard, a remark like this one:

"You know, I love going around to Sarah's house so much. It's spotless and we ate lunch off her kitchen floor because it was so clean and shiny that plates and tables would have been redundant. And we spent a good two hours opening her cupboards and drawers to admire how neat they were and she talked endlessly about home organisation and how she does her housework. Such a fascinating woman."

Does this happen? Not anywhere I've ever been, fer sure. I know fascinating women who have to wash mugs so that they can serve you a cuppa from their cluttered and messy kitchens but I don't visit for the Cif-fumes, I visit for their good company, engaging characters and senses of humour.

idristhedragon

Aye yay ay!! I am such a food hoarder. I currently have about 12 things of fairy liquid (I have a dishwasher) the aforementioned 25 tins of mackeral, and fabric conditioner- oh my days I hoard fabric conditioner like my life depends on it. I went to the shop at 8am this morning and found myself mooning about the washing aisle wondering if I could justify a new one.
WHY? I can only guess it was from my years of squatting/dodgy shard houses with no washing machine? My mums frugality when we were growing up to the extent of using cheapo washing powder and washing never smelling nice? My mum and my sister also stockpile food. I could probably live for well over a month in the contents of my fridge freezerS (x2) and larder,and cupboard and upstairs stash of cereal and coffee and crisps and need I go on?
Clothes and food are my big hoards. I really wonder why?
I think it may be related to when Big DD was little I was a young single mum in a council flat with literally £80 a week for everything (it was a big ole flat too so expensive to heat etc) food, everything. My shopping budget used to be £15 a week and was mostly blue and white striped.I really enjoy the luxury of being able to afford as musch food as we want now (married, 3 more kids, big house, 2 incomes) so why do I still hoard food? Probably the same way Im still convinced the house isnt "mine" as The Prof pays the mortgage despite having been together 12 years and married for 9 and all the babies in between. Maybe thats why its a tip? cos Im convinvced he will throw me out of "his" house at any minute and Im not worthy?
Gosh that was a stream of conciousness wasnt it!! anyway Im off to put some money in the PO and put an outstanding bill for £335 on my credit card *BOO* but at least its interest free for 3 months and wont be hanging over my head any more.................