Hoarding...not just on TV

lostinrates

RAS wrote: »

LIR

At the risk of being cruel - it shows on here oftentimes. You even try to be a perfectionist when you are ill; pushing yourself beyond your limits.

And with respect to your lifetime horse; you have honoured your debt by keeping him/her as safe as you can after retirement and that is more than many would do.

I don't think it's cruel of you, relax . That it's so negative really is something else to work on, but how to do it I am not sure and it merits some contemplation.

Much of my training, and my personality ( nature or nuture I don't know and I don't think matters) has seen this drive soley as positive, and it's been fostered, so the realisation which has been rising for a while, a good few years, that it's holding me back not pushing me forward ( is forward even necessary? ) is difficult to accept with a whole heart and mind.

In my defence, that same drive I also believe saved my life when I was first ill, and perhaps it's so much part of me that for me to be too harsh on it would be in itself perfectionist?:rotfl:

( typical perfectionist thinking in circles faster seeking the right answer!) :rotfl:

Safe, spoilt, indulged, the horse. She isn't the oldest, but she has more than earned her retirement with love and all her wants met.

Edit: there is lot of good stuff coming up on google about perfectionism. I just skimmed this and like it
http://www.consciousdivas.com/hillaryrubin/4-must-have-remedies-to-cure-perfectionism

There is also a BBc questionnaire.

Jo_anne_2

lostinrates wrote: »

I love the way we keep coming back to the same issues that impact so many of us.

This springing from the same vein I was writing in this morning yet hit me right between the eyes.

We are right back not just with control but perfectionism, and when dh does a job and says.' doesn't look great now? ' and I say, ' it looks better than it did'. It's so damning of me.

Oh yes, this is so familiar to me. Why, oh why, when OH folds the clean towels to put away, do I have to fight hard the urge to refold them the 'right way'. It drives me mad - it must be soul destroying for him

lostinrates

Jo_anne wrote: »

Oh yes, this is so familiar to me. Why, oh why, when OH folds the clean towels to put away, do I have to fight hard the urge to refold them the 'right way'. It drives me mad - it must be soul destroying for him

Haha, dh knows how to fold towels now. . But my parent folds face clothes which we keep in a basket in the 'bathroom'. It drives me potty, literally, as on loo trips I unpack them, roll them and replace. They look so much better that way in this basket (in a cupboard or in a stack of towels put out for a guest) I would fold. :o

I mean, I recognise that the sun will rise tomorrow if the face lothes are folded not rolled...why does it rile me so?

valk_scot

I have to rehang the loo roll if OH or the kids hang it the "wrong" way round. In my defence though it makes it more difficult for the cats to unroll it if it's hung my way!

Patchwork_Quilt

It seems to me that what may be 'perfectionism' in the way people do things is often just doing things the most efficient way, and people who are new to the system haven't yet found this out for themselves.

For example, DS hung out some clothes for me. My method uses as few pegs as possible; a leftover from times when we didn't have much of anything. His way of doing it looks wrong but it's just because he's never had to hang up three T-shirts with four pegs.

In other news, I put 2 pairs of black trousers in the cs drawer and am feeling surprisingly ok about it.

Also, I had that cartiledge infection thing over Christmas, which was nice, but it healed up surprisingly quickly. I remember doing deep breathing exercises.

D&DD

Now see in our house I'm the crumpled/ messy/slapdash one and the boys and their dad are the perfectionists :rotfl:

Two eldest and dad have done the bathroom tonight :j I was already on the verge of having to lay down in shock as DS1 helped in the garden today...someone fan me quick :D

Greenhouse sorted for winter potatoes tucked up snugly and peppers/chillies etc all picked!

Kitchen now looks like a bombsite instead oh well

Loft now done,top bedroom (ds1&2) done..ish onto the middle floor tomorrow but dreading DS3's room and our room I may be some time!

XX

whitewing

I buy-hoard. That was yesterday's revelation. I gave all our mismatched tea cloths to DH for the car. We now have some lovely red and white ones. And it has absolutely killed me to have got 1 pack of 5, rather than 2 packs of 5. I am still remaking that decision tonight. We have a dishwasher anyway so we hardly use them anyway. When we had a drawerful, we only used the top 4 or so as they got washed and put back regularly.

Why can't I look at the drawer with the 5 in, and think 'that's great'. Why does it look empty and unfinished?

D&DD

WWing I don't think I've ever bought a single pack of anything well done!

P.S. further to my earlier post, even tho my lot are perfectionists its me who's always right :D

Jettycat

valk_scot wrote: »

I have to rehang the loo roll if OH or the kids hang it the "wrong" way round. In my defence though it makes it more difficult for the cats to unroll it if it's hung my way!

I have to do this too ... although I will also admit to doing it at other people's houses :o:o

The towels all have to be folded the right way as well but this is so they fit in the airing cupboard ... neatly, in piles by size! :rotfl:

SpikyHedgehog

idristhedragon wrote: »

Well I have had a FAB day (NOT!) after writing my lists this morning and planning to stay in and tackle stuff I got the call of doom from nursery *just* after I'd posted this morning (literally, made a post, made a pot of coffee and the phone rang!) and baby daughter (4) had bashed heads with another child so it was straight to A&E for us as she was totally listless, eye rolly and not to mention a CORKER of a blue lump on forehead. SHe was kept in for observation until 2.30 so bang goes my day!! Im glad to report she is much better now and lying on the sofa like lady much being attended to by her big brothers.
I am now sitting here on laptop as theres "no point" starting any tidying now, is there LIES ALL LIES so Im going to post this and get the vacuum out and the tea on. No rest for the wicked etc

Oh dear, Idris! I hope she feels better tomorrow though I'd keep her off nursery if possible. She can watch a dvd while you tidy

lostinrates wrote: »

I am almost in tears over this. I know, have known for a long time, that this is a huge issue for me (in all aspects of life). Both my parents do it, and I was brought up in hobbies/ industries where an unobtainable perfection is demanded from people, have seen it make many people loopy.

A riding trainer once said to me, this perfectionism you demand from yourself, well, you know that's all very well, but even though you don't mean it to it makes life harder for your more advanced horse...becuase she is trying so hard to give you the impossible. (tbc I have a great relationship with my animals, and I am not cruel, the horse just was trying to give me something I was not aware I was asking her to provide while I thought I was just being hard on ME. The horse is my horse of a lifetime and is retired here now and we are still very 'bonded' in a soul mate way. she now has arthritis in her shoulder, scans seem to show problems have been there a while, but she never gave one day of lameness for me until retired, I feel guilt that she was trying to work through pain to give me what i wanted. I just don't know how not to look for perfection. Hmmm.

((LIR)) You're not cruel - if you were, you wouldn't be looking after her now.