Hoarding...not just on TV

D&DD

I'm quite fortunate where I live Blossom as no sooner do you put anything decent at the end of the drive you get a knock and it gets rehomed :rotfl:they're all as bad as me!

We also have about 4 different vans which scour the area looking for metal stuff,I put out an old computer chair last week and it was gone it 10 minutes!

Does save on trips to the tip and I've always been lucky with my dustmen they're so good at taking extras away as I don't ask very often,we have two recycle bins which I use more our brown bin is very rarely full usually.

The fisher price castle has lived here for 20 years so its served us well through all the boys and although DS3 was wavering about letting it go he felt happier it went to another family well..that and the bribe of a new lego set helped :whistle:

wannabe_sybil

Thank you so much for thinking about me.

I went to A&E last night. Apparently, after all the bits, the cartilage around the heart area has become inflamed, which is causing the pain. This is probably due to a virus. Apparently I am also running a temperature.

I feel ill, shaky, queasy and tired - but a lot calmer. OH covered the night shift, did little bear's lunch (with a bit of help) and took little bear into preschool club.

Today is looking like dvds and knitting.

OH has had a go at ironing. It is agony to watch, painful! He would outsource if I wasn't here. I am actually a bit worried that if I wasn't here there would be a lot of problems. He can't wash up - seriously. The worst row in our married life was over washing up. He had washed glasses and they were opaque with yeurk. Today I am risking debt and going to get a table top dishwasher. We have no room for anything else, and I worry about little bear. OH doesn't see dust, doesn't see dirt, has never really done any housework. Not because he has been obstructive, I've never really asked him to.

I really need to sit down and have a really long think about this.

So, if I am a bit quiet, I am deep in either dvds, knitting, internet forums or thought. I really appreciate all the help and support I have had. Jojo - thank you so much for that information. It is not only amazingly useful for me, but is a good help to anyone else reading.

Hugs to all, Elona, still thinking of you and your daughter. Have they got any answers yet and is your daughter dealing with it okay? Byatt - hope all goes well with the kitchen. D&DD - that must feel sooooo good. Sorry if I have missed anyone.

whitewing

Awww sybil, hope you are feeling a lot better very soon.

I love my dishwasher - best thing I have ever bought, honestly.

lostinrates

wannabe_sybil wrote: »

Thank you so much for thinking about me.

I went to A&E last night. Apparently, after all the bits, the cartilage around the heart area has become inflamed, which is causing the pain. This is probably due to a virus. Apparently I am also running a temperature.

I feel ill, shaky, queasy and tired - but a lot calmer. OH covered the night shift, did little bear's lunch (with a bit of help) and took little bear into preschool club.

Today is looking like dvds and knitting.

OH has had a go at ironing. It is agony to watch, painful! He would outsource if I wasn't here. I am actually a bit worried that if I wasn't here there would be a lot of problems. He can't wash up - seriously. The worst row in our married life was over washing up. He had washed glasses and they were opaque with yeurk. Today I am risking debt and going to get a table top dishwasher. We have no room for anything else, and I worry about little bear. OH doesn't see dust, doesn't see dirt, has never really done any housework. Not because he has been obstructive, I've never really asked him to.

I really need to sit down and have a really long think about this.

So, if I am a bit quiet, I am deep in either dvds, knitting, internet forums or thought. I really appreciate all the help and support I have had. Jojo - thank you so much for that information. It is not only amazingly useful for me, but is a good help to anyone else reading.

Hugs to all, Elona, still thinking of you and your daughter. Have they got any answers yet and is your daughter dealing with it okay? Byatt - hope all goes well with the kitchen. D&DD - that must feel sooooo good. Sorry if I have missed anyone.

I think you are right, you need to have a think. A grown man should not need help making a packed lunch. (even if it's slightly different to how you do it).

As you all know, my health promblems reached a crescendo this summer and so home set up is not so very different to yours Sybil (a dh, a parent, me a control freak and no little bear:( but lots of spoilt animals). Last night when I was feeling fine, and here a lone for the first time in ages I fell asleep earlier than usual. An hour later someone was 'trying to break in' the dogs were barking and the phone down stairs was ringing non stop. Because I had not been here to answer the ohone on cue for the first time in months everyone had decided I was 'kaput' the person trying to get in was my Neighbour who dh had called to come and find me. my mother had been called and was preparing to drive an hour here (she is not a good driver) and my father was suggesting that the emergency services were contacted. (laughable, he was once a very senior person in emergency security situations, what a panic)

It's not healthy that I have become such a bird ina. Gilded cage and while I am so very lucky to be so well loved by a wonderful man.

I am struggling to let go of control about things like how things are washed /ironed too. (one of my huge trigger points is kitchen towel which I don't buy but parent does, excess bottles of hundreds of different types of cleaning product, and wipes :mad::mad:). But if parent is going to clean perhaps I have to learn that it is parents right to clean the way THEY prefer to, and I can still slosh the vinegar.

Re ironing, dh irons, he has to, he is not here five days a week. But he doesn't iron as well as me. Well. Sigh. It's not his priority. And perhaps that says more about our current lifestyle horizons. If my horizon has dropped so low that the lack of that undeniable pleasure of a beautifully ironed shirt is a trigger for me perhaps that's my horizons being too narrow as much as his lack of attention to detail.

Hoarding is a control issue for me, I think. The stuff I hang on to is under my control (it isn't, I cannot control moths, floods etc etc) and I notice more and more I am maturing into someone I do not want to be. Dh has a hugely successful career, so his shirts when I haven't done them don't hold him back that much.


But the share of responsibility needs to be equitable, so does the control. Those of us managing health issues have to accept we cannot physically do it all and unless we make major shifts in thinking and doing we could certainly damage ourselves further stressing about them.

alec_eiffel

I've never had a dishwasher and thought I'd never want one but the past week it's been an issue. DH does the washing up as I don't like doing it but for the past week he's been really busy at work and it has still been there the following morning. We had a chat about it on Monday yet I get up this morning and there's a big pile of stuff to be done. I feel really daft for saying it but I burst into tears seeing it!

I'd spent ages yesterday cleaning the sink and worktops and here we are not a day later and everywhere was a mess. My worry about the dishwasher is that it would throw up more problems than it would solve...

Sorry for the whinge, hope everyone is feeling ok today.

alec_eiffel

LIR that is a great post. Letting go of some of the responsibility is really hard. The washing up I mentioned above was a thing, I hated doing it so DH took over but I can't watch him do it as I find it painful it's so inefficient to my mind... Ooooh, you've given me food for thought there.

lostinrates

Ok, onto hoards.

My mother and I are going through her linen today. She has beautiful and tremendously valuable(or is that just expensive) stuff she no longer uses, and this will make me feel easier about letting go of the linen I bought when a student and a skinflint I hope.


I have to be mindful of the hoard though.

Mainly, big sheets I think are useful. (and pillow slips but doubt they will be spare.) I am reminding my self that anything smaller than kingsize is no longer any use to me.

D&DD

some very thought provoking posts on here..I think a lot of my 'trouble' stems from when we lost everything in the 80's and as I vowed to never be in that position again skint with no home,I kept everything just in case..in case we had no money to replace,in case parts were needed for repairs,you get the picture.

I have always worked too since a paper round at 13 even when I had the kids I went straight back and when I then couldn't go out to work I worked from home.

Giving up to become a housewife and carer was tough but I threw myself into it and wanted to do it all through guilt I suppose at not working (I was the main earner but OH had no clue how to run a house etc so made sense for me to stay home)

Like Sybil and many others here my OH is OK at a push but as I've always done the housework,baking,etc he's never NEEDED to learn stuff and I don't like to ask I hate to delegate and thats my real trouble..

Things came to a head here this week and there was a HUGE row about the house,mess,work etc and they've all decided I do too much and will finally help..not the best way to sort things out but still..

Trouble is 'the mess' is all mine :rotfl:sewing machines,knitting stuff,fabric..and theres stuff I use all the time and want to keep so how do I tackle that stuff oh and my cooking stuff

Answers on a postcard please

GreyQueen

D&DD wrote: »

The fisher price castle has lived here for 20 years so its served us well through all the boys and although DS3 was wavering about letting it go he felt happier it went to another family well..that and the bribe of a new lego set helped :whistle:

Someone I know decluttered a Fisher Price Activity Centre after Child 2 outgrew it, back to the bootsale whence it had originated. Child 3 (an unexpected pleasure) was deemed in need of one of these a few years later, so they bought one from the same bootsale. And it had a unique identifying feature which revealed that it was EXACTLY THE SAME ONE.

:rotfl:

I'm feeling a wee bit smug as I have made something I wanted and needed from something I didn't need and didn't particularly want (except it was kept because I loved the fabric). Double-bonus points for me, hey?

Sybil, glad that you've been to the Doc. I once thought I was having a heart attack and the vicious griping pains in the centre of my chest were something to do with the cartilege, too. Cannot recall the proper name for it, but the GP told me it's nicknamed The Devil's Claw, which gives you an idea of just how unpleasant it is.

There's a shocking story about an American hoarder on the Daily Wail's website at the moment. Five dead cats in there.:(

Today I shall have to go the t'office. And the bin men are coming today and I've noticed that my "output" of both household waste and recyclables is up from what it used to be. Not too happy about what this says about me (being as I am of the green-ish persuasion) but as I haven't changed my habits it only means that some stuff which was loitering on the premises is now exiting weekly, which is good.

Next stage is to try to head it off at the pass.

Jo Jo I treated myself to a very expensive bunch of flowers (:o £1.50) for no other reason than I liked them. And I declined to have the cellophaned bunch wrapped in paper, which saved a little waste and stopped me being tempted to keep said paper once it was at home.

It's funny how uncertain and wobbly and self-conscious I felt buying myself flowers. I do buy them for family and friends but not for myself......weird.

alec_eiffel

The mess was all mine at our house too. DH is very tidy and very willing to help but obviously I had to get rid of the hoard myself as DH wouldn't chuck out any of my things. He is great for doing the recycling, usually the washing up and getting rid of the hay from the floors.

We negotiated a "space budget" for things that I really wanted to keep and things that are out most of the time like craft things. I have a big laundry basket for my WIPs and I can have as much stuff on the go as I want as long as it all fits into the basket at the end of the day. So even though we all know things are not going to be put away I do corral them in these places and that's a good compromise for us. This is good for loads of reasons but it really helps DH as when he stands on a needle or rescues a length of fabric from the jaws of a bunny he knows if he chucks it into the basket then it's in the right place. Things are easier to put away than they are to get out - I have to poke through the stuff to find the thing I want but putting it away just involves slinging it into the basket.

Doing that also helps with getting rid of other things as I can make clearer judgements about what I really am using and what I'm just keeping because it has potential use.

There are two sides of the thing - the keeping the house running and the getting rid of the hoard. One side is totally yours as it's your hoard, the other side is a free for all. Letting go of some of the jobs even for a temporary period doesn't mean failing as a housewife or a sign of weakness or putting on other members of the family, it's just all working together to get things done. Done is better than perfect so it's really important to let some things go, as they say lose the battle to win the war. If someone else doesn't do a job how you'd do it it doesn't matter as long as it's done. It frees you up to deal with the hoard and when you''re on top of that and have a clearer mind you can take back some of the other jobs, unless it's working well for you to not do so.

Hope that makes sense.