Hoarding...not just on TV

wannabe_sybil

Evil cat pushed me onto the floor again last night so she could sleep on the bed.

Having massive trouble breathing today, so it is a duvet day with shades of planning. We are supposed to be clearing little bear's room tomorrow while he is at my sister in law's house. I hope I am going to be fit.

Thrown out two excess waste paper bins today, plus a few more puzzle books. I am nearly at the end of that stash.

Whitewing - with the colour run remover, I used a glass bowl in the bucket to make sure all the textiles were completely submerged after failing to do that the time before. OH still has a lovely circle of 'blue grey colour run' on one of his shirt sleeves where a tiny fold was sticking out of the water, but as he hasn't noticed yet I am doing nothing.

Jojo - good luck with Idiot Cat. Is he likely to prefer his own convenience or your inconvenience? Cats get extra points for being the wrong side of the door.

Elona - still thinking of you.

Sorry if I have missed anyone, my brain has frozen, and I am cold!

hugs to all

elona

Spare room bed all nicely made up for dd coming home for a couple of days.

Phoned hospital this morning but no news back yet, have not been able to do much in case I missed a phone call.

Eventually a few minutes ago the phone rang - nearly fell over in rush to answer and it was some "person" cold calling for insulation:mad: Manage not to raise my voice just said I was waiting for a hospital call and would they please go away!

Youngest dd thinks I was rude to poor person. Good job she did not know what I would like to do to cold calling companies. A good cry would do me good but I don't want to spoil her last day at home.

Bathroom should finally be finished early next week and the place should be less chaotic. DD is taking some of the mugs and cutlery from home and some toiletries etc so that has cleared up some shelves a bit.

Hugs to all

whitewing

sybil,

Thanks for that tip about the glass bowl - that was a really good idea.

elona,

Watch an afternoon weepie film with dd and you can blub away to your heart's content.

Hope the call comes soon.

Took old mugs out of the cupboard and lined them up along the kitchen unit. They looked like the cast of the dirty dozen before they were made into an elite unit. Half are chipped or worn and have been put for recycling, The others have been sorted into a charity shop pile, and then there's a few that are giving me pangs. However, they are looking out of place in a tidy kitchen so a decision will be made on those. Much easier to think about throwing them when they are out of their normal environment - they look much less like hugely important somethings and more like the battered, well-used items they are.

Am finding stacking the dishwasher and putting stuff in cupboards much better, with less breakages, now all our stuff matches. It is quite a timesaver, plus I tend to want to keep it tidy because it looks good. So smaller amounts of housework is getting done more regularly, and that lets us be more spontaneous, and I am convinced sponteneity is essential for a content life.

valk_scot

Did a CS run today, or at least tried to. I couldn't get parked outside the one I usually give things to and I'm not fit enough to carry seven sacks of bedding textiles several hundred yards tbh. So I drove around in a bit of a dither for five minutes because My Plan had gone wrong and that made me get a bit wobbly about disposing of the stuff, I was thinking of bringing it back home.

Then I pulled myself together and decided that no, the idea was for me to get rid of things and what actually happened to them was of secondary importance. I still didn't like the idea of them going to landfill though, or even the ragging skip at the dump. And parking outside any of our other local charity shops is even more difficult, that's why I usually go to the first one. Eventually though I remembered there was one of these big recycling collection hopper things next to the local sub-post office that takes bedding (most only take clothes and shoes) so I drove there and stuffed all the bags in it instead.

Job done then? Yes, but the curious bit was how I felt when I couldn't follow Plan A through, it was like a major disaster or breaking a deal with myself. Like I could only get rid of it if it went to somewhere worthy and worthwhile and somehow the deal was off otherwise. While really we're talking about some bags of duvet covers that I don't wat so who cares that much if the PDSA gets them instead of Oxfam say just this once? But it's a bit OC don't you think? Wonder if it's part of the hoarding mindset, this very straight line thinking that's hemmed in with conditions.

alec_eiffel

I think the straight line thinking is a common theme with quite a few people going through the hoarding or chronic disorganisation thing. There is so much bound up in the control of "I will do x when y is in place" or "I like x charity so my stuff must go there" or "I can't throw it away for z reason". It's the kind of thing that seems to crop up all the time.

But there is no right and wrong place for things to go and if it's going to be recycled or raise money for charity then whichever it goes to is fine. On the occasion where I've felt bad about it I've dropped some cash off at the shop I really wanted the things to go to which made me feel better. I think it's one of the occasions where we have to remember that "charity begins at home".

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

valk_scot wrote: »

Did a CS run today, or at least tried to. I couldn't get parked outside the one I usually give things to and I'm not fit enough to carry seven sacks of bedding textiles several hundred yards tbh. So I drove around in a bit of a dither for five minutes because My Plan had gone wrong and that made me get a bit wobbly about disposing of the stuff, I was thinking of bringing it back home.

Then I pulled myself together and decided that no, the idea was for me to get rid of things and what actually happened to them was of secondary importance. I still didn't like the idea of them going to landfill though, or even the ragging skip at the dump. And parking outside any of our other local charity shops is even more difficult, that's why I usually go to the first one. Eventually though I remembered there was one of these big recycling collection hopper things next to the local sub-post office that takes bedding (most only take clothes and shoes) so I drove there and stuffed all the bags in it instead.

Job done then? Yes, but the curious bit was how I felt when I couldn't follow Plan A through, it was like a major disaster or breaking a deal with myself. Like I could only get rid of it if it went to somewhere worthy and worthwhile and somehow the deal was off otherwise. While really we're talking about some bags of duvet covers that I don't wat so who cares that much if the PDSA gets them instead of Oxfam say just this once? But it's a bit OC don't you think? Wonder if it's part of the hoarding mindset, this very straight line thinking that's hemmed in with conditions.

That is interesting.

Makes me think of hoarding by proxy - by stipulating it MUST go to x or y, it's maybe psychologically maintaining the hoard, just extending the range of locations to the charity shop as well.

Which might explain why it can be so hard for people to leave stuff unbought in the charity shop at the same time, as psychologically, it's already part of the hoard as well?


[/DEEPTHOUGHT]

valk_scot

I was actually quite happy in the end with the charity I'd donated the stuff to, it was hopper for my local childrens' hospital, the one my late son used to be treated at. So a perfectly good cause. It was just the disruption to The plan that made me feel odd. Still, it's done now and as a bonus I've remembered somewhere else I can dump stuff, even when the CSs are shut.

I think the straight line thinking is a common theme with quite a few people
going through the hoarding or chronic disorganisation thing. There is so much
bound up in the control of "I will do x when y is in place" or "I like x charity
so my stuff must go there" or "I can't throw it away for z reason". It's the
kind of thing that seems to crop up all the time.

That's very interesting because that's basically what I was groping to express. It came as a surprise to me at the time. Always useful to have a little bit of extra self-awareness!

alec_eiffel

valk_scot wrote: »

I was actually quite happy in the end with the charity I'd donated the stuff to, it was hopper for my local childrens' hospital, the one my late son used to be treated at. So a perfectly good cause. It was just the disruption to The plan that made me feel odd. Still, it's done now and as a bonus I've remembered somewhere else I can dump stuff, even when the CSs are shut.



That's very interesting because that's basically what I was groping to express. It came as a surprise to me at the time. Always useful to have a little bit of extra self-awareness!

I think it's how the aspirational life thing can come in too. We can get into the thing that if we buy a certain thing then it will enhance our life so much that nowhere will be untidy and all these other related or unrelated things will fall into place.

I always laugh to myself when I remember saying to DH that the reason the house was a mess was that we had an old heating system and I wanted to wait to put the hot water on so I could do everything in one go. Of course the house was such a tip that the water would have to be heated for far longer than I could stay awake to clean everything. Not to mention the face I had a large selection of working kettles that could have heated enough water to clean every house on the block :rotfl: It was all just rationale thinking and all it did was push back the time where I actually just had to do something rather then dream and plan.

Byatt

I do the, "when I've moved x" or "when I've got thin...", it's always when I've...suddenly my life will be better, having said that, I am also dragged down by fear...what happens when I've de-hoarded...what happens if I'm still unhappy and lonely...

It's taken this week and a chats with a good friend via email as well as the counsellor visit, to admit even to myself that I am lonely. I have strenuously denied this to myself thinking if I don't think about it, it can't be true. I have a few friends, and they are truly good friends who more than understand my times of being reclusive and anti social...the loneliness is somehow deeper and I'm not sure how to reach it and understand it.

Another thing I've realised is that I notice the tiny, inconsequential messes...the little bit of dust, the odd cobweb, so the mess always seems insurmountable, and touches of course on the perfectionism.

Elona, I hope you hear from the hospital soon and DD can come home for a couple of days, that sounds like very good news, and it will be lovely for you to have her home...and as WW suggested watch a weepy film and have a good old sobbing cry, snotty nose and all...xxx

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Byatt wrote: »

I do the, "when I've moved x" or "when I've got thin...", it's always when I've...suddenly my life will be better, having said that, I am also dragged down by fear...what happens when I've de-hoarded...what happens if I'm still unhappy and lonely...

You feel the same emotions, but

you are capable of finding clean clothes,
a pair of socks,
of sitting down on any chair,
of going to bed without having to take your life in your hands going upstairs,
of inviting someone round who wants to see you and could make you feel less lonely without concern for their opinion or personal safety,
you have more money as you aren't spending it on 'stuff' to fill the hole in your heart.

You aren't harbouring mould spores,
dust mites
and various other nasties that can sap your strength and make you or your loved ones unwell.

You have space to think,
to adjust,
acknowledge,
adapt to the uncomfortable feelings,
as you aren't hemmed in by distractions such as a pile of things over there that are threatening to fall over.


You can find different things to do that can give you pleasure - having a lovely colour on the walls,
finding a beautiful picture, having it framed and putting it on your wall where you can see and appreciate it properly,
going out and starting other activities,
inviting friends round without worrying,
not stressing about the gas man,




It doesn't solve everything. But it makes the day to day so much better, easier, smoother. Which gives you time and space to deal with the harder stuff.