a little bit miffed

tesuhoha

jackieb wrote: »

Happy birthday Meritaten and Minty. :beer:

I don't really care if I get anything or not, although if I do, it's a bonus. But one year my OH bought me a Dyson for my birthday - I could've thrown it at him. I'd rather not have had anything! And another time my MIL put an ashtray in with my Christmas present (i've never smoked but her son, my OH did, and he didn't get an ashtray!)

After struggling for a long time with a massive heavy vacuum cleaner I would just love it if my husband bought me a Dyson for my birthday as it would be for me.:)

ikkle87

I'm a bit shocked at how some of the people react to presents on this thread.

My OH's mum died at the end of January and on his birthday in March (2 days before what would have been his mums birthday) he only got cards from me and my grandparents. His auntie, cousins, sisters and brother forgot when normally his mum would have reminded them. So he got a present from me and £5 from my nan and my mum paid for him to go to a bmx park with my brother as they both bmx. He didn't moan that he'd not got a card off his family he was grateful for what he had gotten. Can't believe you'd begrudge someone putting flowers on their mothers grave because you thought they were for you.

As for the Primark thing, maybe she thought seeing as she had bought her bf a big present and you had joked that you couldn't wait to see what you were getting that you expected something of a grand nature too and so bought you quantity rather than quality.

DuckEggGingham

mintymoneysaver wrote: »

It was my birthday too yesterday. It wasn't my OH who I was frustrated with, it was my 18 year old daughter! She has been saving really hard because her boyfriend is 18 soon, and she wanted to buy him an ipad ( refurbished) She finally ordered it on Friday, so I jokingly said , "Ooh, I can't wait to see what I get tomorrow then..." She went off in a big huff, "Why did you have to say that? I think you're going to be disappointed tomorrow now..."
Too bloomin' right I was! A quick trip to Primark and I got a beach bag, some perfume and a dressing gown. Not the actual things that I'm complaining about, or even the amount spent, but just the fact that she's thought about his present for so long and I get " Let's nip into town the day before, walk into Primark( even though she knows I have isues with people buying presents from there!) see what I can get for £20, and there you go..." Even my card was from a job lot that she bought from Card warehouse the other day, 7 for £1!

Wow!

So instead of being proud that she saved so very hard for a "big" birthday milestone, you got all haughty about "where is yours?"

So then when she took you out to buy a few treats you were mentally turning your nose up at it being Primark and then felt miffed that she gave you a card from a "job lot". Surely again you should of felt some pride in the fact that she worked hard to save for her boyfriend and brought a refurbished ( quite a sensible choice rather then get new if funds are tight) ipad and was still sensible with her money by being able to treat you on a budget and making use of birthday cards in a way that most MSE'ers would be happy with!

My mum has always been so grateful for whatever we manage, some years its been "better" presents then others but whatever its been she has always been over the moon. Maybe I am just lucky!

make_me_wise

Happy birthday Merit. Hope you had a good day despite OH not giving you the flowers.

poet123

As long as a birthday is marked and taken note of then surely it should be the thought that counts? As for flowers for graves, it was a bit churlish to be miffed about that imo.

mintymoneysaver

DuckEggGingham wrote: »

Wow!

So instead of being proud that she saved so very hard for a "big" birthday milestone, you got all haughty about "where is yours?"

So then when she took you out to buy a few treats you were mentally turning your nose up at it being Primark and then felt miffed that she gave you a card from a "job lot". Surely again you should of felt some pride in the fact that she worked hard to save for her boyfriend and brought a refurbished ( quite a sensible choice rather then get new if funds are tight) ipad and was still sensible with her money by being able to treat you on a budget and making use of birthday cards in a way that most MSE'ers would be happy with!

My mum has always been so grateful for whatever we manage, some years its been "better" presents then others but whatever its been she has always been over the moon. Maybe I am just lucky!

I suppose I have come across as a bit ungrateful. And I can see your point. But I still stand by the fact that I would like a bit of thought. It wasn't the money, it wasn't that it was Primark. ( and she didn't take me, she went herself) It was the fact that there was no care or thought involved. I would rather have had a 99p bunch of flowers, with a big hug, a kiss and a 'thanks for everything you do' than her just spend £20 without any thought. I feel like she did it out of duty, rather than out of love, and that's what makes me sad. Of course her boyfriend is more important to her than me at the moment, and I still don't think she should have spent so much on him. He won't expect it, and being an MSEr I think it's daft for an 18 year old with a limited budget to spend that much money on a present for someone else. She had the money but it now means she has hardly any spending money for her own holiday, and now I'll have to listen to the moaning that comes with that. I wasn't expecting any amount of money to be spent on me, I would just love to have thought that she had put a bit of effort into thinking about what I would really like...and I'm not greedy, or ungrateful, I'm just a little bit sad that someone who I tried so hard to bring up to be loving, kind and thoughtful, and who I have always been there for couldn't be a little bit more considerate.

daska

mintymoneysaver wrote: »

I suppose I have come across as a bit ungrateful. And I can see your point. But I still stand by the fact that I would like a bit of thought. It wasn't the money, it wasn't that it was Primark. It was the fact that there was no care or thought involved. I would rather have had a 99p bunch of flowers, with a big hug, a kiss and a 'thanks for everything you do' than her just spend £20 without any thought.

Not to worry, I got your meaning, I'd rather get something which cost pennies but had obviously been thought about, than an expensive gift. A song/poem dedicated to me, a handmade tree ornament etc. (when I've had creative partners LOL) or even a kitchen gadget that demonstrated that they'd listened to something I'd said.

ab.da54

meritaten wrote: »

It's my birthday today and while out shopping yesterday, OH put some flowers in the cart. I pretended not to notice of course!

How do you pretend not to notice?

Given that they were put in the trolley in front of you, and left on view in the utility room, there was a huge possibility they were not for you.

Who bought the flowers for you off your children? Are they at an age where they can buy them, themselves, or did your husband have to buy them?

Hopefully, you still managed to have a nice day. I hope you did.

coolcait

It was my birthday recently too.

The day before, we all went shopping together.

OH and the kids scuttled around furtively while I trundled up and down the aisles. I pretended not to notice.

DS hove into view holding a bunch of flowers. Even from a distance, I could see that he gasped in horror, and his sister berated him. I pretended not to notice (but wondered about auditioning them for a sequel to The Artist...:rotfl:).

OH popped a bottle of wine into the trolley. "That's a nice one", sez I. "Yes", he replies, "it's for [friend] because...". "Oh, he'll enjoy that!" quoth I.

OH went off to see "how the children are doing". On the way, he picked up a T-shirt I'd admired. I pretended not to notice.

When we got home, I wasn't allowed to take any bags out of the car "because I deserved a rest". I took notice of this courtesy, and was volubly appreciative :rotfl:

If you 'pretend not to notice' something that's actually in the trolley, then you can't blame the other person for thinking that you have 'seen and understood'.

TBH, meritaten, I don't really get the impression that you like your husband very much. I think that your upset has its roots in that, as much as anything else.

My family bought my birthday gifts and cards in the supermarket the day before, while I was doing the shopping. Despite their best efforts, they were anything but discreet. Yet, I had a lovely birthday, and loved the presents they bought - and gave me -with love.

So, it's difficult for me to make that jump to understanding why others are so ungrateful about the gifts they were given.

skypie123_2

Meritaten I missed your birthday but I hope you enjoyed parts of it and spoiled yourself rotten! :beer:
I am 40 on Monday and any wish to be swept off my feet on the day (and cushioned from impending old age has been thwarted by the fact we are broke. However we get married in 2 and a half weeks so will get to enjoy that. A lot.
If it makes you feel any better my family haven't even mentioned my birthday, my parents always deliver some sort of half gesture (hastily scribbled petrol station card) and yet there is still some daft part of me that convinces myself that their lack of effort means there is a huge secret surprise birthday party hidden away somewhere! :rotfl: