Burial of a Miscarried Baby Advice Please

shelley_crow

GT, I've got nothing constructive to add that hasn't already been said, other than to say my thoughts are with you all. Your daughter is lucky she has you x

skylight

I have no advice to give you. All I can offer you and your DD (and her OH) are hugs and thoughts. xx

Ginger_Poodle

My heart breaks for your daughter, her partner, you and everyone else involved. I honestly think that the majority of parents would have had similar initial feelings in your position. Don't beat yourself up, please.

In terms of the food, etc. no one with any sense will have expectations of you. That said, you sound as if you want to do what you can and what you feel others will expect. If that gives you any comfort at all, then do it. Whilst not very MSE, would suggest bought in sandwich platters (Sainsbury's, M and S, whatever). That way they are ready, done, and you can concentrate on what is truly important...looking after yourself and your family x

raven83

I read this and got a lump in my throat, it is so sad. i feel for your daughter, i don't know how i would of felt going through that and i am 29, so for a 15 year old that is very tough and she will need lots of support to get through it. As for you, you shouldn't feel guilty, i think most mothers would of felt similar to you in that position, it is such a hard position to be in, so please don't feel guilty. I often think what i would do if one of my daughters when they get that age was in that position and to be honest i think i would feel how you felt. You all need to take time to get over this and be there for your daughter.

I really wish you all luck and my heart goes out to you.

Blue_Monkey

Hi OP, huge hugs to you and your daughter.

You're not selfish, you just love her and want the best for her. My DD is only 6 months old so I'm pretty new to this motherhood lark, but have learnt that that love can be the most irrational-rational thing in the world. I can only imagine how it must feel to have something (for want of a better word) come along and interfere (for want of another better word) with those hopes and dreams that you hold. So you're not selfish and holding a view on something (ie abortion) is different to facing it head on, so I don't think you're a hypocrite either.

Be kind to yourself now. You sound like a fab mum.

Good luck with the funeral arrangements (and sorry for going OT a bit).

MummyOfTwo

i dont have anything to add to whats been said, but i wanted to offer my condolences to your family, and to say i think you are a simply wonderful mother...

Loanranger

Oh GT, this is just so very sad for all of you but you should not feel guilty.
This has happened and nothing you did, or didn't do, could have changed anything. Yes, this was the worst day of your DD's life, and most probably your's and her boyfriend's too, but you are there supporting her and that's all you can do.
She is very young to cope with such a loss but she will get through it. I had a bad time of things when I was very young and you do get through it and you do come out stronger on the other side.
Take care of yourself, GT.

shellsuit

Oh GT, I'm so sorry your poor girl and yourselves have had to go through such a horrendous time, her being so young too

I wouldn't worry about offering food to people, your daughter might come home and not want to see or speak to anyone, so I'm sure nobody would expect you to play hostess.

Tea, coffee, juice and a plate of biscuits would be fine.

Reading your post made me think about what I'd do if I were in your situation (my DD is 14) and I guess I would have thought and done the exact same.

I can't imagine how much the guilt must be tearing you up, but please don't feel guilty, your thoughts on the situation had no bearing on what has happened.

Please look after yourself and your daughter, RIP little one xxxxxx

pavlovs_dog

i wish there was something I could say to ease your pain. Thinking of you all at this difficult time xx

poet123

I am really sorry for your loss GT.

I think how you reacted was entirely normal, as mothers we look into the future and see the pitfalls of decisions and choices our children make, experience makes us wary and we want to save them from hurt. Unfortunately we cannot always do this, when this happens we have not failed, we have faced real life and fate.

You sound like a great mum, but in such times it is natural to doubt and second guess your reactions. All you can do is be there for her, remember she is still a child in many ways despite her ordeal. And cut yourslef some slack, allow yourself to grieve and accept support for yourself from friends and perhaps from us on MSE.

You will get through the funeral, serve whatever is easiest, no one will care, and if you want them to leave at a specific time have it announced at the service that refreshments will be available from 10 till 12 which should give people the idea that they should not stay too long. Too many people for too long may be not what any of you want or need on such an emotional occasion.