Failing marriage

DylanO

dontknowwhattodonext wrote: »

I pay all the rent on the property, but both our names are on the agreement

Kick her out then.

andyf3050

dontknowwhattodonext wrote: »

I pay all the rent on the property, but both our names are on the agreement

If you leave she will have take on the tenancy in her name only and would be entitled to HB & CTB but she will need to be proactive about this and get off her ars3 and do things.

Sounds harsh but if she isn't prepared to try accepting any help there is only so much everyone else can do.

Try contacting MIND and ask them for advice. It's free and confidential. If she's not prepared to do anything to step out of this hole of depression it can be very difficult for everyone around her. You need to think about yourself as well... your own mental well being is probably suffering so you need to decide what to do for the best for yourself... not just for her...!

dontknowwhattodonext

We have been married for 20 years and have driffetted apart for many years. She coudl not afford our property as is just over 1k rent per month, I really want to stay and can afford this. But yes I would want to help her secure a place

heartbreak_star

I think you might have to be "cruel to be kind" as it appears to be the only way you're going to get through to her.

Strange question - does she show any emotion? Do you ever cuddle, talk or even have a good all-out row? Or is it like she's in a glass bubble?

HBS x

dontknowwhattodonext

Occasional cuddle, more often when she is cold, not made love for several years now

JustinCredibleGillespie

dontknowwhattodonext wrote: »

Occasional cuddle, more often when she is cold, not made love for several years now

I think your at the end of the line then, however, since you have been together 20+ years, I think you at least owe her the explanation that on your part the marriage is over and you have your own reasons why. She may actually feel the same.

JCG

xx

heartbreak_star

I went through a phase where I felt like I was in a bubble...I was absolutely emotionless to the point where my ex would try and provoke me into anything - laughing, crying, anger, excitement - nothing worked.

I realised at that point it was docs time.

I really do think it's time for a face-to-face talk with your wife.

HBS x

maryroberts

OP - I asked this morning whether you had sat down and explained your feelings to your wife. Others have advised you to give her an ultimatum. What does she feel about the whole situation? There seems to be a distinct lack of emotion here on both sides, which does indicate that you're at the end of the road.

squiggler_2

OP - I have been with my husband for nearly 24 years, he suffers from anxiety/depression, does not work and does not communicate with me. We moved into separate bedrooms a few years ago and he spends all of his time in his room. I no longer have any friends and even family don't visit any more, which is probably for the best. We don't talk, touch, smile and our sex life has been dead for several years. He gets treatment (takes the tablets), has seen a psychiatrist but won't do any of the CBT work and won't attend counselling. The last 24 years have been a pattern of a few weeks of happiness then a month or two of isolation. It is torture, as you will know.
I recently realised that the bad times by far outweigh the good, I feel almost as dead inside as he seems to be these days.
I am in exactly the same situation as you. I can't ask him to leave, or leave him, because he has no income and nowhere to go.
My most recent decision has been to start making connections again with old friends and members of the family. I am going to start socialising again, because I think it will help relieve the isolation. I've also asked my hubby if I can attend the doctor with him, because I believe that he doesn't explain his condition properly. It remains to be seen whether he will allow this.
Good luck to you, I hope you find a solution.

pearl123

I think you need to sit down with her and explain how you are feeling about things and visa versa. Maybe, a good very honest chat between the two of you will either help or at least make you certain of your next move.
Insist she sees a doctor.