Failing marriage

greenwoodlad

Do you think your relationship is worth saving? Do you love her? If you split it's good that you do not have children or a mortgage. Good Luck

Brighton_belle

emweaver wrote: »

Do your wedding vows not mean anything? In sickness and in health!

On a technical point, their wedding quite likely didn't include these words. Ours didn't. Nor did we have for richer or poorer etc.
It is very very hard living with a depressed person who is resistant to all help. I do believe the committment of marrage matters, but not to the point of being ground into the ground yourself.
The OP may be able to make a difference, but he isn't necssarily a miracle worker and if he has truely tried everything, well, maybe if he left, that might be the catalyst for his wife seeking help and building a happier life for herself. Maybe there is something aout their dynamic that contibutes to the depression who knows (not meaning you are to balme in any way OP, I just mean the dynamic between two people can have powerful undercurrents we are not at a conscious level aware of.
Was she at all like this when you married OP. What has changed? What was it about her that attracted you on the first place? She obviously had problems already when you got together if she refused to ever work. Did this not worry you at all?

emweaver

Brighton_belle wrote: »

On a technical point, their wedding quite likely didn't include these words. Ours didn't. Nor did we have for richer or poorer etc.
It is very very hard living with a depressed person who is resistant to all help. I do believe the committment of marrage matters, but not to the point of being ground into the ground yourself.
The OP may be able to make a difference, but he isn't necssarily a miracle worker and if he has truely tried everything, well, maybe if he left, that might be the catalyst for his wife seeking help and building a happier life for herself. Maybe there is something aout their dynamic that contibutes to the depression who knows (not meaning you are to balme in any way OP, I just mean the dynamic between two people can have powerful undercurrents we are not at a conscious level aware of.
Was she at all like this when you married OP. What has changed? What was it about her that attracted you on the first place? She obviously had problems already when you got together if she refused to ever work. Did this not worry you at all?

I completely understand what he is going through from personal experience.

However, leaving her might tip her over the edge as opposed to encourage her to seek help.

DylanO

emweaver wrote: »

I completely understand what he is going through from personal experience.

However, leaving her might tip her over the edge as opposed to encourage her to seek help.

Nothing like a bit of emotional blackmail to keep someone in a miserable situation.

She and she alone is responsible for her actions - not him, and it is disgusting for anyone to suggest that he is responsible for her weakness.

dontknowwhattodonext

Would I have to leave the house then or can I ask her to leave?

DebtFreein5Months

dontknowwhattodonext wrote: »

Would I have to leave the house then or can I ask her to leave?

I think that before you jump straight in with the booting her out or leaving yourself - try the counselling route.

If you want to be with her - give her a chance to get some help. If you don't, maybe she could stay with family or friends for a trial period?

coinxoperated

dontknowwhattodonext wrote: »

Would I have to leave the house then or can I ask her to leave?

In my opinion, you should leave. Let her family pick up the pieces. Yes, 'marriage' vows are one thing, but you wouldn't of married into this, and if she isn't willing to help herself, call time on it. Don't try and kick her out, because she won't go. Get yourself sorted and move away.

dontknowwhattodonext

Like I was saying, counselling will not happen, if I leave then I have to find somewhere else and pay for both places?

maryroberts

Does your wife know how you feel? Have you sat down with her and explained that you can't go on like this? Just wondering - if she is faced with the stark reality that one of you needs to move out, it may stir her into seeking some sort of help, or at least self help on the internet if she is not up to going outside the house. Would be interesting to know what she thinks about the whole situation.

BlueC

Bit of a vicious circle going on here. Anyone would be depressed sitting around the house all day with no job and nothing to do... but being depressed can make you feel like doing just that.

Before leaving have you exhausted all possibilities of fixing the situation? Or are you at a point where you have just completely lost the will to put it right? You seem to be approaching this very mechanically and without emotion, which seems a bit odd.