Failing marriage

pinkshoes

I think it's time to issue her with an ultimatum.

Tell her she either goes to see a doctor for her depression, gets a job, or the marriage is over and she must leave the house. Give her 7 days to do one of the three options, or tell her you'll pack her bags for her and throw her out.

There is no point having a relationship with someone if they are not willing to contribute in any way whatsoever.

Is her name on the house deeds? If it is, then you can't kick her out.

Perhaps the shock tactic of an ultimatum will push her to take some action?

JustinCredibleGillespie

pinkshoes wrote: »

I think it's time to issue her with an ultimatum.

Tell her she either goes to see a doctor for her depression, gets a job, or the marriage is over and she must leave the house. Give her 7 days to do one of the three options, or tell her you'll pack her bags for her and throw her out.

There is no point having a relationship with someone if they are not willing to contribute in any way whatsoever.

Is her name on the house deeds? If it is, then you can't kick her out.

Perhaps the shock tactic of an ultimatum will push her to take some action?

EXACTLY

JCG

xx

TheConways

It sounds like a vicious circle - she's doesn't have a job because she's depressed, and she's depressed as she doesn't have a job or sense of self-worth.

I think you need to decide whether the relationship is worth fighting for. Would you be happy if the marriage is as it was before she became like this?

Talk to her, try and understand what is going on in her head. Be firm/don't be a doormat, and give her a clear vision of how the future could look - more money for luxuries if you both have a job, maybe children in the future. Remind each other of your marriage vows.

I couldn't just walk away from my husband if he was like this, but I do appreciate the position you are in. Only you can decide if this is worth fighting for.

BugglyB

heartbreak_star wrote: »

What is her point?

BugglyB...I know counselling isn't a cure-all...but it can be a good starting point.

HBS x

Sure but I think sometimes it can be more harm than good. If you say to a loved one 'I insist you go to counselling' - they go, then sit there opposite counsellor for an hour then come back going 'well that was useless' - where are you then? It has to be something someone wants to do.

DylanO

pinkshoes wrote: »

I think it's time to issue her with an ultimatum.

Tell her she either goes to see a doctor for her depression, gets a job, or the marriage is over and she must leave the house. Give her 7 days to do one of the three options, or tell her you'll pack her bags for her and throw her out.

There is no point having a relationship with someone if they are not willing to contribute in any way whatsoever.

Is her name on the house deeds? If it is, then you can't kick her out.

Perhaps the shock tactic of an ultimatum will push her to take some action?

The OP says clearly that it's a rented house, and it's her name on the tenancy, not his. So he has no right to live there at all - he's only there out of her allowing him.

He should leave. Let her deal with the rent and bills.

DylanO

emweaver wrote: »

Where have I suggested he is to blame? Exactly, I haven't! But if he loves her he will try and help her recover and won't want to do anything to harm her further.

Where have I said that you did?

andyf3050

dontknowwhattodonext wrote: »

Like I was saying, counselling will not happen, if I leave then I have to find somewhere else and pay for both places?

You don't need to pay both lots of rent... she needs to claim benefits and this would include housing benefit and council tax benefit...! Don't feel that you need to shoulder the entire burden... depression isn't nice but if she is being offered all manner of support and turning it down or avoiding for pathetic reasons I think there may be more to it...! If she doesn't want to change, that's her issue...! If she doesn't want to try any kind of support that you suggest, then you have done all you can... she needs to WANT to do it or what she says is true...'There is no point...'

Good luck and I hope things improve...!

Andy...!

themull1

Why would you be paying rent on both places? tell her you're leaving, go and get somewhere to live and tell her to get on with it, if she's not prepared to help herself, tough. sorry to sound harsh, but we've all got to account for ourselves, and if she's that ill/depressed she should be receiving medical help.

dontknowwhattodonext

I pay all the rent on the property, but both our names are on the agreement

Bubby

I can sympathise with living alongside someone who has depression however she is not some random girlfriend she is your wife. Instead of asking whether its ok if you kick her out and what your financial obligations are perhaps you can sit her down explain how you are feeling and that you want out of the marriage and help her to secure somewhere to live and where to go for benefits.

In my opinion it is disgusting to treat a person like a piece of rubbish you can just discard! That doesn't mean stay in the marriage but at least help her find somewhere to live