Failing marriage

dontknowwhattodonext

I feel my marriage is in trouble and I am feeling pretty helpless and I am not sure where to turn for help. Or even what help it is that I need/I am looking for.

I work full time and pay all bills/rent. My wife does not work and does not claim any benefits, she is gets very depressed and I find it very difficult when I come home for work that she is in a depressed state, and I think I may as well go back to work.

We have no children, should I decide to call it day, can I ask her to move out, if so would I have to pay her rent, her name is on the current rental agreement, but the money comes from my account and the landlord is aware of this.

whitewing

Does your wife have medication for her depression? If not (or even if she does but seems to be getting worse), perhaps you could visit the GP together to have a chat about it?

Also maybe some counselling for you both?

If there is something worth saving, may be better to have one last shot at it?

lowlitmemory

Is she getting any help/support for her depression? To be honest I would be concerned to sort this out first before looking to leave her. Depression can completely change a person and perhaps she is not the person you fell in love with, but could be again with a little support from her husband and a doctor.

We can't tell you whether or not to call it a day but it sounds like you are not yet decided. Why does she not work - is it due to the depression?

heartbreak_star

Get her to the docs and try to save your marriage. She needs to be contributing to the household, be it through benefits she is entitled to, or work.

Have you tried talking to her, let her know how helpless you feel?

*hugs* to you both - I've had to cope with a depressed partner in the past and it's awful. Good luck.

HBS x

dontknowwhattodonext

Does not want to work and does not trust people as had a bad experience years ago, our relationship is just sharing the same house now and has been for a number of years now.

We recently moved which has not helped, she will not goto counselling

heartbreak_star

I am almost ashamed to say but that was the point where I lost my temper with my ex. I was sick of supporting him, I said he HAD to go to docs and counselling or I'd stop supporting him. Not wanting to work is no excuse in my opinion!

We all have "bad experiences", learning from them is called life.

HBS x

DebtFreein5Months

How about couples counselling - you both go - that way she may be more inclined to go and you could both chat about how you feel?

DebtFreein5Months

I agree with the previous comments about tackling her depression - I used to live with a man who was depressed and it was horrid - I felt like you - I walked in the door and wanted to walk out again. You NEED to try and get some outside help on this. If she refuses to go to counselling, gently suggest that you go together, if she still refuses, tell her that it's important to you, then ask her to at least think about it.

DebtFreein5Months

heartbreak_star wrote: »

I am almost ashamed to say but that was the point where I lost my temper with my ex. I was sick of supporting him, I said he HAD to go to docs and counselling or I'd stop supporting him. Not wanting to work is no excuse in my opinion!

We all have "bad experiences", learning from them is called life.

HBS x

Do you mind me asking what happened? Did he sort his !!!! out or did you leave?

dontknowwhattodonext

She can't see the point in couple counselling either

DylanO

If I were you, I'd leave. Her name's on the rental agreement so kicking her out is not an option, and she'll be able to claim benefits if she can be bothered and if not, tough.

She wants a free ride and you're making it easier for her. What you describe is not a relationship - it's a sentence. Leave. Life's too short to just exist. Every second you waste with this individual is a second you could be living and finding someone worthy of you.