Having a baby and a toddler - really how difficult is it?

Gillyx

I've read through this thread with interest, as I know once I make the decision it's not something I can un-do.

Janepig

Two years 9 months between my two and I wouldn't have wanted it any longer than that really. I would have preferred to have just the one school year between them - DH and BIL have exactly the same gap and only one school year - but DS is in year 1 and DD is year 4, never mind though. They get on pretty well,they have their moments, but they keep each other amused really well and they also share a bedroom, through choice. They had separate rooms until about a year ago when they asked to go in together - DS would more often than not be found in DD's bed with her anyway. In fact, when I went to check on them last night I thought DS had gone missing, until I realised he was fast asleep tucked up with DD on the top bunk!!

Jx

oliviasmummy

For me it wasn't about the coping issues. My DD1 is now 4 and DD2 is 19months so 2.5 years between mine, honestly if I could do it all again I would have waited another 6months to a year before having DD2. My one and only reason is that I felt guilty that I didn't get 1-2-1 time with DD2 like I had with DD1. DD1 started nursery when DD2 was 10months old and by then was very alert and mobile, I never found it a struggle as my eldest is quite independent and not clingy but hind sights a wonderful thing and I wouldn't change the for the world. It pulls my heart strings when I watch them play every day, holding hands and doing role plays etc. DD1 is a little rough with DD2 but she is with everyone to be honest very hyperactive. All in all this never crossed my mind when deciding on trying for baby no 2. I would love baby no 3 but it won't happen financially or medically ( I had severe SPD with both pregnancies and they said I would be Ian. Wheelchair for the majority of the pregnancy if I was to have another one) we are blessed with 2 beautiful healthy girls and have decided not to take the chance as who would look after them whilstim in a wheelchair I think that would be very selfish. Good luck to you in what ever you decide xx

alison6692

Personally I found it very difficult. I had a suprise second baby with 22month age gap. I never used to be a stressy person but I found having one stressful and so 2 was quite crazy. However we all survived it and I feel so pleased that we have 2 close enough together that they can play together. I would never have planned it like this and the first year was a guilt-ridden, sleep deprived time. I sadly don't look back on it with fondness but I can now appreciatte the advantages of the close age gap.

Oh and nursery fee's - Yikes! works out £80 a day to get them both into nursery.

jansus

3 years between my girls and i thought we timed it just right, when my youngest was three months my eldest started a couple of hours at nursery. The're 20 and 23 in a couple of weeks and are harder work now :eek:

purple.sarah

mildred1978 wrote: »

Wouldn't do it for all the tea in china. My neighbour has 14 months between hers.

I don't think it's very fair on the older child to be honest.

Why don't you think it is fair on the older child? I was 5 years old when my brother was born and I actually think I found it more difficult to adjust and share my parents attention because I was older and accustomed to being an only child. Also we were always at different developmental stages, when I was a child he was a toddler getting into all my things, when I was a teenager and wanted my own space he was still a child following me around wanting to play. We get on fine as adults but I think being closer in age would have made us closer as children. For this reason I plan to have children closer together.

Anubis_2

When they are young, it is childsplay - when they hit teens, it is a nightmare. I had four teens at one stage and I can tell you that was harder work than any other time.

delain

Anubis wrote: »

When they are young, it is childsplay - when they hit teens, it is a nightmare. I had four teens at one stage and I can tell you that was harder work than any other time.

Please don't say that :eek:

It's bad enough now with the twins (8) they seem to have hit a really defiant stage

ciderwithrosie_2

17 months between my oldest 2 boys - wasn't too bad really. Was more stressed when I had just DS1 and was working full-time! Luckily, DS1 was an easygoing, unclingy toddler and DS2 was such a sleepy baby, I didn't really know I had him for the first few months! Think the time of year helped as well - DS2 was born in August so we were able to get out of the flat more (were living in temporary council accomodation at the time).

By the time DS3 came along the older 2 were 4yrs 10 months and 3 yrs 5 months and my older son really wasn't that impressed with a new baby lol! DS2 was more interested. He was a difficult baby, very demanding, cut out all naps by a year old and wouldn't sleep through the night til he was 3!

As they've grown up, the oldest 2 have stayed really close and have similar interests and shared friends, they were only a school year apart and were at college/saturday job together - Brotherly love is back in force now my oldest is back from Uni.
Unfortunately, the youngest has always been a bit left out, the age gap was too big and he has totally different interests and personality to the other 2, but he's a strong enough character to cope with that and has a huge social circle of his own.

Twinkleestar

My boys are 18 months apart and only one school year apart. It is hard work but I also think you are already in that 'baby mode' so you manage more easily, ie, still have one in nappies, on the breast/bottle.

I didnt realise how much they would fight/compete and even now at 13 and 14 they do love each other deep down and stick up for each other but at the same time take great pleasure in bickering and annoying the hell out of each other!

One thing I recommend s a double buggy of some sort, I was talked out of this, husband at the time was too tight looking back, and bought one of those 'buggy board' things for the eldest to stand on but he was too frightened to use it! lol . Good luck, I dont regret it at all x