Having a baby and a toddler - really how difficult is it?

Metranil_Vavin

Thanks for your insights

Currently I work 3 days a week, and DS goes to a nursery 2 days a week, and to a local childminder for the 3rd day. I am at home with him on Thursdays and Fridays, an overall arrangement that works for us well.

My OH currently earns ok money, but not brilliant for where we live (London), so he is job hunting at the moment to try and move himself up the pay scale a bit as if we do have another baby, I will obvioulsy be reliant on SMP again for a bit.

Ideally I'd like to keep DS's childcare arrangements as is, as I remember only too well how all-consuming a new baby is, and so 3 days a week without having to run about after DS would be preferable - obviously that will all come down to finances/if OH gets a new job etc. We do have some savings that I have been squirrelling away for a while, so could manage ok for a while I think.

Are there any SAHM's or dads here that look after toddlers and babies?

euronorris

daisiegg wrote: »

I know a brother and sister who are so close together in age, that they were in the same year at school - but were NOT twins! There was literally just under 9 months between them! It can't have put their mother off too much, because she went on to have 5 more children....

I knew siblings like that too! But the Mum only had 2 further children, all with a much bigger age gap between them (4 years and 7 years).

raven83

I didn't find it that hard, i had 3 within 4 years and if i am honest i think that was the bit i enjoyed the most, when they was all young. I loved it, used to go in town with my youngest in the pram and my oldest walking, my middle one would walk to then sit on the pram if she was getting tired, they never really argued and i could dress them in whatever i liked, yeah it was very enjoyable, i do miss them days if i am honest. Now my oldest is 9, 8 and youngest nearly 6 and it is harder now i find, they argue over things, (it's like living with teenagers sometimes) sometimes they get on other times they don't. They are fussy and i can't get away with dressing the oldest in what ever i like anymore and they become a lot more expensive!

My advice- go for it and cherish it because once they get older things change. I get quite envious now when i see people with young babies and toddlers, it reminds me of when mine was little, i would do it again in a heartbeat. Even now i am not ruling out more children though i know that i probably wouldn't just want the one, i would end up having 2 close together again. But i can dream


ETA i had mine in a routine from the time they was very young and it worked, i think routine is the key.

mildred1978

Wouldn't do it for all the tea in china. My neighbour has 14 months between hers.

I don't think it's very fair on the older child to be honest.

delain

I've found it's not too much of a problem with a baby/toddler.

There are 16 months between baby and Squeak, and she's always been lovely with the baby, and the baby loves her too.

It's easier when you don't have school age children as well because you don't have to have the baby fed, toddler fed and dressed, have badgered 3 more into brushing their teeth and left the house by 8am embarking on a 2+ mile walk to school :rotfl: Thankfully OH does help in the mornings before he leaves and usually gives baby her morning bottle.

In answer to your question, it's not as hard as you think it is. I had mine very close together, and this time round where I had one baby and one toddler it has worked out very well. I am a chaotic housekeeper, I drive poor OH to distraction, really untidy person and I still manage.

I'm a SAHM and it really is OK!

Buggy wise we have a P&T which is worth it's weight in gold since I don't drive. I have found though that Squeak doesn't like to sit underneath but she usually walks until she is tired and then doesn't mind so much. As soon as baby can sit up she might have to go underneath on long walks.

Anyway if you have any more specific questions, I'm only a PM away

I've got to say, Squeak must be OK because she very nearly ended up being a birth partner for the cat, which had kittens on Saturday night, the cat followed her about all day saturday

raven83

delain wrote: »

I've found it's not too much of a problem with a baby/toddler.

There are 16 months between baby and Squeak, and she's always been lovely with the baby, and the baby loves her too.

It's easier when you don't have school age children as well because you don't have to have the baby fed, toddler fed and dressed, have badgered 3 more into brushing their teeth and left the house by 8am embarking on a 2+ mile walk to school :rotfl: Thankfully OH does help in the mornings before he leaves and usually gives baby her morning bottle.

In answer to your question, it's not as hard as you think it is. I had mine very close together, and this time round where I had one baby and one toddler it has worked out very well. I am a chaotic housekeeper, I drive poor OH to distraction, really untidy person and I still manage.

I'm a SAHM and it really is OK!

Buggy wise we have a P&T which is worth it's weight in gold since I don't drive. I have found though that Squeak doesn't like to sit underneath but she usually walks until she is tired and then doesn't mind so much. As soon as baby can sit up she might have to go underneath on long walks.

Anyway if you have any more specific questions, I'm only a PM away

I've got to say, Squeak must be OK because she very nearly ended up being a birth partner for the cat, which had kittens on Saturday night, the cat followed her about all day saturday

^-^ this definitely. When you have one at school and a baby it makes it harder i think. Mine used to like to sleep in till gone 9 sometimes, if i had had an older child i would of had to wake them and they would of probably been ratty!

KateBob

daisiegg wrote: »

I know a brother and sister who are so close together in age, that they were in the same year at school - but were NOT twins! There was literally just under 9 months between them! It can't have put their mother off too much, because she went on to have 5 more children....

My Aunt managed to have 3 kids in the same year, a son and then 10 months later twins! She also had 5 kids so wasn't put off either:eek:

If either of mine had been born on their due dates there would have been exactly 3 years between them (DD was over a week late and DS was 2 weeks early, suits their personalities now)

I don't think there is such a thing as the perfect age difference and it can depend so much on the personalities of both the parent and children.

Good luck

marisco_2

My son was nearly 3 when I had my second baby. I think it depends very much on the children themselves as to how difficult it is to manage. My eldest had been a dream baby, slept through the night from a few weeks old, sailed through teething, was easy to wean. Crawled, spoke and walked with ease.

My second baby was prem and spent some time in hospital when he was born. Then he suffered from terrible eczema and was allergic to everything. Spent months trying to get him on an even keel. Ended up having to give him a special type of formula and literally introducing one food type at a time. He didn't walk till he was 22 months, didn't speak till he was 3 1/2 and worst of all didn't sleep through the night till he was 4 1/2. If he had been my first born he would be an only child

Even if your second baby is really easy, bare in mind that with a toddler you dont get to nap during the day when the baby sleeps. Trying to toilet train a toddler whilst caring for a baby can be tricky. The toddler may not automatically take to the new arrival and you could be dealing with jealousy and tantrums at not having mummy all to his/herself any more.

What saved my sanity was that shortly after my second baby came along the eldest was off to pre-school. Which gave me some breathing space. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

raven83

marisco wrote: »

My son was nearly 3 when I had my second baby. I think it depends very much on the children themselves as to how difficult it is to manage. My eldest had been a dream baby, slept through the night from a few weeks old, sailed through teething, was easy to wean. Crawled, spoke and walked with ease.

My second baby was prem and spent some time in hospital when he was born. Then he suffered from terrible eczema and was allergic to everything. Spent months trying to get him on an even keel. Ended up having to give him a special type of formula and literally introducing one food type at a time. He didn't walk till he was 22 months, didn't speak till he was 3 1/2 and worst of all didn't sleep through the night till he was 4 1/2. If he had been my first born he would be an only child

Even if your second baby is really easy, bare in mind that with a toddler you dont get to nap during the day when the baby sleeps. Trying to toilet train a toddler whilst caring for a baby can be tricky. The toddler may not automatically take to the new arrival and you could be dealing with jealousy and tantrums at not having mummy all to his/herself any more.

What saved my sanity was that shortly after my second baby came along the eldest was off to pre-school. Which gave me some breathing space. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

Oh i was lucky i did i got mine into a routine of all having a nap a the same time, then i would have a shut eye myself :j

KateBob

raven83 wrote: »

Oh i was lucky i did i got mine into a routine of all having a nap a the same time, then i would have a shut eye myself :j

Yep me too, an hours quiet time just after lunch for everyone!

Unfortunately DS didn't want to stop his even when he started school and I would regularly go to pick him up and be told be had fallen asleep in the story corner