Having a baby and a toddler - really how difficult is it?

bylromarha

95% of the time, a baby and a toddler is great. Loved it, was great fun and really enjoyed it.

The 5% of the time is what you'll hear about from most people as they are the hard work times. The times where toddler is in cot screaming, baby is in cot screaming and you just need to walk away for 5 minutes and grab a drink as you've tried to help them get past whatever is the problem and they aren't having any of it.

I'd say go for it - mine were 22 months apart - we hadn't planned it that way, but youngest was a happy accident a year earlier than we were going to start trying. Now that they're 7 and 5, I'm SO glad we had them closer together than planned. They're the best of mates and really enjoy each others company in a closeness I'm not sure would have been so present with more than 3 years between them.

BTW - we're routine people with our kids, so the 2 hour naptime post lunch until toddler was 3 was welcome respite for me to grab a kip too.

mildred1978

Metranil_Vavin wrote: »

Interesting to read everyones thoughts.

Mildred, are you planning to have anymore? ( if you don't mind me asking!) - your son is a little older than mine I recall.

I'm 39 now, so if all goes to plan and we have no 2 next Spring/Summer, I'll be 40 by then. I don't really want to leave it much later, although sulkisu you seem to be doing very well Congrats on your impending twins..how exciting!

I worry about things like do we have enough room too. We live in a 3 bed maisonette, but when I say 3 bedrooms, I mean our bedroom and 2 tiny single rooms. One is DS's nursery, and the other is our office/junk/dumping ground room! We could in theory make that a 2nd kiddies room, but god knows what we'd do with all our stuff. This place is rammed! The baby would sleep in with us for a bit, but I'd like to have them in their own room by 5/6 months like we did with DS. He settled so much better in his own room, and I really relished having my bedroom back!

I suppose though if you wait for everything to be 'perfect', you might never have any kids!

Also I'm working on the presumption that I will be able to get pregnant again. I suppose you should never take for granted that will happen easily/quickly. I had a mc previous to my son too, and that was something that I never anticipated.

I think 2nd time around you're more savvy to all the things that can happen/challenges you face right from conception to actually looking after a baby!

I'm not convinced to be honest. I was a model baby. DS is a model baby. My sister was a nightmare child. My labour did not go very well and I worry about dealing with similar again. My sister and I did not get on until we were in our late 20s. At the moment DS has the smallest of our 6 bedrooms - having another would mean giving up one of the doubles which would inhibit is having the whole family down to stay. I'm 36 so like to think I still have time to decide either way. OH would love another, but it's not him who has to have it!!

Metranil_Vavin

yes I think about my 28 hour horrible labour and wonder if I'm mad even thinking about doing it all again, but for me I think the main reason is I don't want DS to be an only child.

And I'm broody as hell right now!

Air_Cooled_75

There is only 12 months and a week between my DH and his younger sister. MIL always said she felt really guilty about not being able to spend much time with him, there's an older brother too. FWIW I was 'on my own' until nearly 8, love my brother but wouldn't have minded being an only child. Our son is a lot of hard work and is nearly 2, with no family nearby I can't imagine we'll have another. I don't know why people have such a problem about the 'only child' it isn't a lonely life, of course you don't have anyone to blame for things though

sulkisu

Metranil_Vavin wrote: »

I'm 39 now, so if all goes to plan and we have no 2 next Spring/Summer, I'll be 40 by then. I don't really want to leave it much later, although sulkisu you seem to be doing very well Congrats on your impending twins..how exciting!

Thank you. I certainly didn't plan to start this late. I was told I was infertile at 31 (cervical then ovarian cancer) and after 12 years of no contraception, I conceived naturally. I meant to go on the pill once my son was born but (slap wrist) never actually got around to it. Besides, at 45 and with my medical history I didn't think it could/would happen again. Fortunately I was wrong.
I think because of everything that I went through I just feel that if you want children and can have them, you should just do it and enjoy it. It won't always be a perfect situation - in an ideal world I would have had my children younger (not much, but younger nevertheless), but as with all things you learn to cope. Things have a way of working out.

Chakani

I have to say, I found 2 much less than double the work of one. There are days when it's incredibly stressful, but there are many more where they are just a joy, and watching my two playing together is wonderful. Space is tricky, but there is always a way - we were in a tiny 2 bed when our second was born, and it was a squeeze, but we managed, and I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

Air_Cooled_75

Mildred, DH and his brother don't get on with the sister, long story which resulted in MIL passing away. Bit OT I know...

My DH would also love another, but he's at work all day and it isn't him who'd be having it. I'm 40 this year so less time available for me, I'm running down the clock

lilymay1

Matranil - I'm sure you know my story from the TTC thread. There would have been exactly 12 months between my DD and DS had she survived. OH and I have been trying since DS was born and despite us being (apparently) perfectly healthy, it's not happened yet. You're right, there will never be a 'perfect' time to add to your brood so get on the TTC wagon lady :P

And Mildred - I'm afraid I totally disagree with you. My brothers are 10 and 20 years older than me and whilst I was growing up, I would have loved nothing more than to have a sibling close to age. I suppose we all use our own experiences to decide what we think will be best for our own families and children. For me, that means having as many children as I can in the next few years.
Speaking as the child of an older mother (late 40's when I was born), I personally think that is much more unfair than having 2, or more, children close in age.

chunkychocky

lilymay1 wrote: »

And Mildred - I'm afraid I totally disagree with you. My brothers are 10 and 20 years older than me and whilst I was growing up, I would have loved nothing more than to have a sibling close to age. I suppose we all use our own experiences to decide what we think will be best for our own families and children. For me, that means having as many children as I can in the next few years.
Speaking as the child of an older mother (late 40's when I was born), I personally think that is much more unfair than having 2, or more, children close in age.

I couldn't agree more with this. I'm the middle child with an older brother who was 19 and had left home by the time my younger brother was born. They have nothing in common whatsoever and barely know each other. I have nothing in common with either of them, but still see my younger brother as the little kid that he was when I moved out, which no doubt my older brother has the same opinions of me. We are so far apart from each other (mentally) that we might as well not be related.

I have 20 months between my two boys. They adore each other and play together all the time, they look out for each other and have shared interests and friends. They fight and bicker and grass each other up, but they are best friends. I wouldn't have it any other way.

mildred1978

lilymay1 wrote: »

And Mildred - I'm afraid I totally disagree with you. My brothers are 10 and 20 years older than me and whilst I was growing up, I would have loved nothing more than to have a sibling close to age. I suppose we all use our own experiences to decide what we think will be best for our own families and children. For me, that means having as many children as I can in the next few years.
Speaking as the child of an older mother (late 40's when I was born), I personally think that is much more unfair than having 2, or more, children close in age.

Where did I suggest a 10/20 year age gap was a good idea? I don't think that for one minute.

My father is the youngest child by 18 years, so was effectively an only child. As a result we have little to do with his side of the family, and never had grandparents on that side.

Clearly my stance isn't clear. I personally don't think /4 years is the best option, not do I think >8 years is very clever either (I may not get this long). But what I think doesn't actually matter, because everyone else is free to do differently and have children when they can or like. My OH would love another now (he and his brother are close in age) but I'm going to take a lot of convincing (and diamonds :rotfl:) to consider doing it again ever!!!