Having a baby and a toddler - really how difficult is it?

Metranil_Vavin

Here comes another child-related question

DS is 17 months old, and we are about to embark upon trying for no 2.

I just wanted some honest words of wisdom/experiences from other parents. Is life with a toddler and a newborn as horrifically stressful as my sister makes out (she has a 3 year old and an 8 month old), or are there ways and means of managing.

She tends to live in a perpetual state of chaos (always has..even when we were kids ourselves!), so think this may contribute to her stress-levels!

Kudos going out to those with 3, 4+ little un's too..you're superhero's! :T

clairec79

I never found it particularly stressful - had 3 in 3years 1 month - now they are getting older and hitting puberty and I have a toddler as well it's more stressful than when they are all little and life is quite simple

beautiful_ravens

Looking back, its kind of difficult, but not that bad... DD1 was 4 and a half when I had DD #2 and that wasnt too bad as DD 1 went to preschool.
I had DD3 when DD2 was only 18 months, that was a lot more difficult, as DD2 was still little aswell, plus the older one running amok... It is chaotic for a while, but it depends on you, what you do each day, how you organise, what the baby is like..my DD2 was a good sleeper so made it kind of easier... the other two werent! Admittedly now they are all over 5 its a LOT easier! The chaos and 'work' doesnt last forever

VfM4meplse

I think so much of this is down to the personality of the parents. If they get stressed out, it rubs off onto the kids and they automatically start playing up, which can be a difficult cycle to break....so keep calm and go for it!

euronorris

I think VfM4meplse is right. My brother and his wife's DD1 was only 9 months when they fell pregnant with twins! (they are 10(almost 11) and 9 now) It was hard, and stressful (especially at the beginning), but they adopted a routine and things got easier. BUT.....I've noticed that my SIL seems to get stressed out more easily than my brother. When he's left in charge of them, things always seem much calmer.

fluffnutter

It depends on lots of things from whether you're working or not down to the individual personalities of the kids. One thing that makes it more difficult than having one can be that, with your first child, you can rest when he or she rests. However, you don't have that luxury with a toddler. If the baby's asleep, you might find that you older child wants some mummy-time. On the other hand, some parents say it's easier simply because they've already got a child-centric lifestyle and everything's less of an adjustment.

Routine's always useful for keeping on top of things, as is learning to let things go. What does it matter if you've not done the ironing, or the vacuuming needs doing? It doesn't. Not in the scheme of things. Leave it, or ask someone else to do it.

At the end of the day, most people have more than one child, and the age-gap that you'll end up with between yours (all being well) doesn't sound unusual. That means there's millions of people who've successfully managed to cope in the same situation. When you have kids you basically consign yourself to being deep-soul tired for years anyway. It's part of it unfortunately.

I wouldn't look to your sister as a useful barometer of how stressful having two children is. It sounds like chaos is her thing - each to their own.

msb5262

Hi OP,

I'm so glad you're thinking of having another baby!

The gap between my DS1 and DD is 2 years 2 months.

When I had DS2, DS1 was 4 years 6 months and DD was 2 years 4 months.

My (then) husband worked on a rolling shift pattern and my parents live 270 miles away so there wasn't masses of support or help to be had from day to day.

I am not highly organised or particularly calm, but it was fine both times. Even in totally dark November when DS2 was a newborn and I had a slightly clingy two year old and a four year old who had just started school, it really was fine. I felt very lucky to have them and we all survived!

I also think my children are lucky to have each other and to be fairly close in age - it means they have shared a lot and continue to do so now, even when they are 18, nearly 16 and pushing 14...I don't know any adults who are only children who recommend having only one child.

Go for it and enjoy every minute.

HTH

MsB

LandyAndy

Ours are 21 months apart and are now 16 and 17.

Close together is definitely the way to go;).

Just don't imagine that having two is only twice as hard as having one.:D

daisiegg

LandyAndy wrote: »

Close together is definitely the way to go;).

I know a brother and sister who are so close together in age, that they were in the same year at school - but were NOT twins! There was literally just under 9 months between them! It can't have put their mother off too much, because she went on to have 5 more children....

*Twinkle*

i'm expecting and the age gap between the new baby and my last child will be 13 months........although i'm very excited to see how they grow up together so close in age, i'm also very aware it's gonna be no walk in the park, esp as my now 9 month old is a bit of a diva, lol

stiltwalker

It's mostly down to attitude and coping strategies - I think if you are a stressy person then 2 is likely to make you more stressy but if you are the calm coping type then life will seem simpler. I have a 1 year old and a 3 year old, DD (3) has Joubert's syndrome, has balance, co-ordination and movement control issues and is not yet walking, DS (1) is looking like he also has this. Both kids have fantastic natures and I am a calm coping sort of person and we just pack up the buggy (big in line double buggy nicknamed 'the tank') and go - only time I have problems is when they both want to be out of the buggy at once and it's not suitable for DD to crawl or if she want to use her walker (as she still needs support with this). As long as you LO is walking you'll be fine, many older ones also like to help out - DD passes nappies, wipes etc when I'm changing DS and she goes and gets toys and books for him. Any harassments are worth it watching them doing colouring together this morning!