Having a baby and a toddler - really how difficult is it?

raven83

Kate/Bob wrote: »

Yep me too, an hours quiet time just after lunch for everyone!

Unfortunately DS didn't want to stop his even when he started school and I would regularly go to pick him up and be told be had fallen asleep in the story corner

Yeah mine would go down for about and an hour and a half, was lovely to have some quiet time and a nap;) My middle DD still loves her sleep and she is 8, in fact she is laying on my nap as i type this asleep :rotfl:

Dribblekitten

I'm a SAHM, my eldest was 19 months old when her sister was born. The first few months are tough, maybe more so in that my youngest wouldn't sleep anywhere except in arms/buggy/car seat for approxiamtely a year!
But, they are close now, I love hearing them giggle together. Youngest sleeps much better now after some much delayed Controlled crying. Once youngest is settled into a feeding routine it seems to get easier. My eldest went to nursery 1 day a week when the youngest was born, and now does 2 mornings at preschool.
It's fine now, but now I am 4 months pg again so will have 3 preschoolers for approx 10 months before the eldest starts school and the youngest won't be at preschool when the baby is born. I know it will be hard and I'll be torn in 3 directions but it's only a short period in time.

sulkisu

mildred1978 wrote: »

Wouldn't do it for all the tea in china. My neighbour has 14 months between hers.

I don't think it's very fair on the older child to be honest.

Why is it unfair? What would you call a fair time to wait before having another child?

madtrekker

There's almost 21 months between my two. My youngest is now almost 8 months and it has been hard work, mainly due to the fact that the baby is a terrible sleeper (day and night), cries a lot, had colic and also horrendous reflux that necessitated multiple changes of clothes and bedding on a daily basis. But we survived and I wouldn't change the age gap between them, even if I could.

Somebody in a previous post said this, and they are so right:

Don't expect having two to just be twice the work of having one child.

It's harder than that! You're always on the go, no chance of a quick nap in the day like you could when you had your first! Having two small people constantly demanding your attention in one way or another is emotionally and physically draining, especially at the times when you can't give one of them the attention they need because you're busy with the other. I found it took a while for me to not feel guilty because my eldest wasn't getting the instant attention that she was used to (although she herself wasn't all that bothered!).

However, my two adore each other and my heart just melts when I see their little faces light up when the other walks into the room.

mildred1978

sulkisu wrote: »

Why is it unfair? What would you call a fair time to wait before having another child?

Because you can't reason with a 1 year old the way you can with an older child.

If you wait until child 1 is in school, so 4 or 5 years old, baby number 2 gets some decent 1-1 time too rather than everything being a compromise.

Metranil_Vavin

I'm probably too old to wait until DS is 4 or 5! :rotfl:

mildred1978

Metranil_Vavin wrote: »

I'm probably too old to wait until DS is 4 or 5! :rotfl:

Well, that's different! My friend's 2nd is die in 2 weeks and she has a 21 month child. She's 41 though, so probably didn't want to leave it too long.

custardy

I suppose it depends a bit on luck too.
A mate of mines 1st (boy) was a nightmare baby. cryed near all the time
they had their 2nd (girl) 2 years late,and she was a great sleeper and well settled
had they had a rerun of the boy,it would have been a nightmare.

sulkisu

mildred1978 wrote: »

Because you can't reason with a 1 year old the way you can with an older child.

If you wait until child 1 is in school, so 4 or 5 years old, baby number 2 gets some decent 1-1 time too rather than everything being a compromise.

Oh dear - so many 'compromised' children in the world.

OP - I'm in the same boat as you and many on here (and many more besides). My son will be 22 months when I give birth (to twins - he's in for a shock!!) It will be hard, but planning ahead, organisation and experience from your first baby, will help to make it easier. A two year gap is not particularly close and not everyone can wait 4-5 years between pregnancies. I'm 45 and I certainly couldn't have waited, not that my pregnancies were planned/expected. If it feels like the right time to add to your family, go ahead. Many many siblings are born relatively close together and do not suffer because of it (otherwise most of us would be screwed)!

Metranil_Vavin

Interesting to read everyones thoughts.

Mildred, are you planning to have anymore? ( if you don't mind me asking!) - your son is a little older than mine I recall.

I'm 39 now, so if all goes to plan and we have no 2 next Spring/Summer, I'll be 40 by then. I don't really want to leave it much later, although sulkisu you seem to be doing very well Congrats on your impending twins..how exciting!

I worry about things like do we have enough room too. We live in a 3 bed maisonette, but when I say 3 bedrooms, I mean our bedroom and 2 tiny single rooms. One is DS's nursery, and the other is our office/junk/dumping ground room! We could in theory make that a 2nd kiddies room, but god knows what we'd do with all our stuff. This place is rammed! The baby would sleep in with us for a bit, but I'd like to have them in their own room by 5/6 months like we did with DS. He settled so much better in his own room, and I really relished having my bedroom back!

I suppose though if you wait for everything to be 'perfect', you might never have any kids!

Also I'm working on the presumption that I will be able to get pregnant again. I suppose you should never take for granted that will happen easily/quickly. I had a mc previous to my son too, and that was something that I never anticipated.

I think 2nd time around you're more savvy to all the things that can happen/challenges you face right from conception to actually looking after a baby!