Choosing to have a baby - solo

FBaby

daisiegg wrote: »

The difference between these women and her is startling. She looks and feels absolutely terrible and they are thriving. It can't be a coincidence - they have someone else to share waking up in the night with, someone to hold the baby while they have a shower or drink a cup of tea, etc - and she doesn't.

To be fair, how you cope/feel after the birth of a baby is dependent on many factors. I was with my ex in both cases, but circumstances were such that I was just like your single friend. My ex worked 2 hours away, so was gone by 7am and not back until after 8pm. Understandbly, he didn't do any nights, and even wanting to help to some extend during the weekends, my babies had got used to me for comfort and wouldn't settle with him as easily as with me. What made it a very tough time for me is that both my babies suffered from very bad colic for months. My family lived abroad, and although my ex's parents lived in the same town, they both worked full-time and even though they came to visit, they never offered to take the babies for a break (and my ex or I never dared really asking). I struggled, cried a lot, and even at times with both wished they hadn't been born even though I loved them with all my heart. That didn't last though (even if it seemed to go on for ever then!), and I looking back, I certainly would go through it all again to be their mum.

I really think the consideration of having a child solo is not so much how it might affect you as a mum, but how it might affect the child growing up.

dizziblonde

ikkle87 wrote: »

I think my point may have been slightly misconstrued, I might have written it wrong.

If you go onto the TTC thread on this forum there is a lesbian couple who are trying to conceive, they have a sperm donor and despite pin pointing ovulation etc and using the self insemination method it isn't happening for them. Although some people can go out get drunk have sex once and get pregnant it doesn't always work that way. So whilst I used IVF as an example, self insemination can still have a long route as it's not guaranteed to work the first time.

My point to the op was are you prepared for the feelings of devastation, emotion, anger etc that comes after each unsuccessful cycle, she won't have a partner to turn to to share her worries, is her relationship with her parents/friends really close enough that they can be of a full support to her.

Also, whilst I have no personal experience of it I would imagine there is some form of cost involved with sperm banks or sperm donors even if it's just to cover costs similar to surrogacy. Has the op researched these costs and worked out how many cycles they can effectively afford to have to attempt this.

So apologies if my first post came across wrong but hopefully this one explains what I meant a little better. As for the point about waiting I asked that because I know someone who had a one night stand with a friend to get pregnant, then a few months down the line she met someone and it was only after she got married that she said as much as she loves her son she wished she'd waited till she'd met her husband to have him. I never said it was an either or scenario, plenty of people take on other peoples children.

This was the first thing that occurred to me when I read the post (didn't post before as I didn't want to be jumped on as the fertility prophet of doom)... daft as it may sound - if you don't get lucky one month when you're in a relationship - you can always get more sperm from your fella pretty easily (to put it crudely!)... but if you're having to go the donation route - how easy is it going to be to get more supplies for another attempt? Particularly if the months turn into pushing toward a year.