Choosing to have a baby - solo

Person_one

NoLongerLurking wrote: »

One word: Biology

Dress it up any way you like, the need to reproduce is biologically hardwired, and from an evolutionary perspective, it's the only reason we're here.

Really?

There are a lot of us who are apparently wired incorrectly then. How unfortunate that I'm not here for any particular reason seeing as I don't wish to reproduce.

I fully support your desire to have a baby, on your own or with whoever, but would suggest you remember that not everybody shares the desire and try to avoid language that suggests they are in some way unnatural or pointless!

Person_one

Tippytoes wrote: »

"If anyone can do it, I can. And I want it so very, very much"
My darling, with all due respect, you don't have a clue. Buy a new LV handbag instead.

Aren't you delightful?

Show me any new parent who 'had a clue' before they took that first baby home. Maybe everybody should just get handbags.

NoLongerLurking_2

aliasojo wrote: »

BUT it's a better option for a child to be in a single parent home rather than in care, so adoption or fostering would be a good option to consider imo.

Adoption or fostering has already been suggested, but you are the first to put it quite like that. Definitely worth considering. Thank you.

ikkle87

I think my point may have been slightly misconstrued, I might have written it wrong.

If you go onto the TTC thread on this forum there is a lesbian couple who are trying to conceive, they have a sperm donor and despite pin pointing ovulation etc and using the self insemination method it isn't happening for them. Although some people can go out get drunk have sex once and get pregnant it doesn't always work that way. So whilst I used IVF as an example, self insemination can still have a long route as it's not guaranteed to work the first time.

My point to the op was are you prepared for the feelings of devastation, emotion, anger etc that comes after each unsuccessful cycle, she won't have a partner to turn to to share her worries, is her relationship with her parents/friends really close enough that they can be of a full support to her.

Also, whilst I have no personal experience of it I would imagine there is some form of cost involved with sperm banks or sperm donors even if it's just to cover costs similar to surrogacy. Has the op researched these costs and worked out how many cycles they can effectively afford to have to attempt this.

So apologies if my first post came across wrong but hopefully this one explains what I meant a little better. As for the point about waiting I asked that because I know someone who had a one night stand with a friend to get pregnant, then a few months down the line she met someone and it was only after she got married that she said as much as she loves her son she wished she'd waited till she'd met her husband to have him. I never said it was an either or scenario, plenty of people take on other peoples children.

Person_one

Tippytoes wrote: »

.....or be in a loving relationship with the child's father...too much to expect these days....kids not knowing their father....dumped in nursery to be raised by someone else. I stick by what I say - children are not accessories, handbags are.

Sounds as if this particular child would be very much wanted and placed at the centre of its mother's life, how is that an accessory? Why does being in a relationship preclude the possibility of bad parenting and not being in one preclude the possibility of good parenting?

Person_one

Worth bearing in mind that sperm donors are no longer anonymous, so it wouldn't be a case of the little one having no dad, they'd have a dad they could go and seek out at 18 if they wished to.

FATBALLZ

Person_one wrote: »

Of course its selfish!

People say "I want a baby", not "I feel as though I should give one of my eggs a chance of a more fulfilling life"!

Even adoption is very often a selfish decision, its still "I want a child".

I agree with the general sentiment although I think you're being slightly harsh about adoption, it is significantly less selfish is most cases than 'creating' a child. It's taking on a child without the whole baggage of overpopulating the planet and screwing up the environment, and often involves taking on children who for want of a better term, are 'damaged'. While it can be for selfish reasons, as a 'biological' parent I wouldn't adopt if that had been my only route into parenthood, it takes a certain sort of person to do it (well).

mildred1978

ikkle87 wrote: »

I know someone who had a one night stand with a friend to get pregnant, then a few months down the line she met someone and it was only after she got married that she said as much as she loves her son she wished she'd waited till she'd met her husband to have him. .

What an idiotic thing to say. That egg and that sperm created her son. Had she got pregnant with the same guy the following month she would have had a completely different child. Having one with a different man would probably have changed his make up beyond recognition of the son she has.

NoLongerLurking_2

Person_one wrote: »

Really?

There are a lot of us who are apparently wired incorrectly then. How unfortunate that I'm not here for any particular reason seeing as I don't wish to reproduce.

I fully support your desire to have a baby, on your own or with whoever, but would suggest you remember that not everybody shares the desire and try to avoid language that suggests they are in some way unnatural or pointless!

Apologies if any offence caused. Note the words: 'from an evolutionary perspective' that you quoted from me. Also take into account the context of the selfishness/altruism discussion.

Nothing wrong with not wanting kids. I know several couples who haven't had children and the obnoxious questions they get off some people are, quite frankly, disgusting!

NoLongerLurking_2

Originally Posted by Tippytoes:
My darling, with all due respect, you don't have a clue. Buy a new LV handbag instead.

Person_one wrote: »

Aren't you delightful?

Show me any new parent who 'had a clue' before they took that first baby home. Maybe everybody should just get handbags.

Lol thanks person_one! Fortunately, I came here looking for practical insights. I found a lot of those, as well as some fascinating opinions, suggestions and discussions around the whole issue of having children and single parenthood.

When Tippytoes can offer some of those, (s)he can join in the 'grown ups' conversation.