Real life MMD: Should I pay for Grandma's 'gifts'?

Augustus_the_Strong

That's very cheeky. You shouldn't feel forced to pay for the stuff. Get control of the situation now before it's too late - tell her you appreciate her help but you can't afford this sort of stuff, and get her to either take it back or pay for it herself. Best not to fall out with her though, as you may need her help (always best not to fall out with your relatives anyway!).

coloquil

old grandma should have given them to you as a gift what a tight !!!!

green_as_grass

Interesting you describe it as 'being presented with a bill'. If your mother gave you a RECEIPT of purchase I would just assume this was so you could return the items if faulty (and perhaps to demonstrate how generous she has been - or maybe that's just me being too uncharitable). Why would you assume otherwise? If this is case you don't need to take any action except to thank her.

However if she were to mention that she is waiting for payment for the items I would respond, in a very surprised voice, "Oh I didn't realise you were SELLING us the clothes! I shall have to check which ones we actually want (or can afford) in that case." Then I'd wait for a response.

Perhaps leave her to think that over while you take a few days to make your decision. If the clothes are already unpackaged and worn that's her problem. If she has any difficulty with this just explain that it is usually the case that when you buy anything you choose the items yourself according to your taste and budget. This is not offensive and is very clear and would be very hard for her to argue against.

As already said any other course of action leads you open to this being repeated many times over.

But I think the most likely explanation is that you have misinterpreted your mothers' intention.

savingsusie

Are you sure your Mother gave you the bill so you could reimburse her?
Perhaps she gave you the receipt so you could return anything unwanted.
Did you clarify expectations with conversation?

maiddaisy_2

Until the post from someone who's mum did exactly the same thing I could not believe that this was a "true to life" situation. It is completely unacceptable that someone, even a mother, should go and buy you something unbidden, present you with it and then expect to be paid.

tgroom57

Agree with all of the above: don't pay for the items. Give them back to her. She can choose whether to get her money back or gift them to you properly.
Try not to make the excuse that you are short of money.
Keep to the line that you hadn't asked her to buy stuff.

My mum always took the view that I owed her. I found an assertiveness course (or two) helped greatly in my dealings with her.

I wonder if you've seen the original till receipts, or if the bill you saw was handwritten?

Ebenezer_Screwj

I would return these unwanted and unsolicited "gifts" and point out that it is your child and your choice of what to buy, or not as the case may be. It is adding insult to injury expecting you to pay for the items as well.

[Deleted User]

Agree with earlier poster. You can't pay for what you can't afford, and don't be guilt-ed into trying to.

If there's anything there that you would have bought anyway and at a similar price, keep it and give your mum the cash for it.

Otherwise return the items and thank her for the though, explaining that you are getting second hand or cheaper versions.

Also perhaps politely ask her to ask in advance before she goes out shopping on your behalf? - Might save the agro afterwards!

D9

sassiemac

Presumbly your mum knows you are short of cash? Therefore it seems daft that not only would she buy things without asking what you need, but would then give you the bill?! (I wouldn't expect to pay for something that I didn't ask for and in fact my mum and I have a rule that if we ask the other to get something for us then we pay for it, otherwise we don't as it is taken that it is a gift)

Return the items to your mum, thank her and say you appreciate the thought, but stress that you are short of cash and therefore need to prioritise what you need and budget for those items accordingly.

garfield413

I'd tell her that it's really nice of her, however that the other grandma has already given you the same things as gifts for the new baby. Then say it's great she has kept the receipt so she can return her purchases ok.

I'd then ask her politely if she wouldn't mind letting you know if she has plans for buying you stuff as so many people have been giving you things for the new baby and you wouldn't want her to waste time and energy getting things that will need to be returned. :T