Real life MMD: Should I pay for Grandma's 'gifts'?

anjak-j

The mother in this situation is being presumptuous and rude by buying stuff for her grandchild and expecting her daughter - who the mother likely knows is short of cash - to pay for them.

If it were me, I'd politely tell her that money's tight and give her the items back to get a refund. (You never know, she might gift them to you - at least the items you want.)

If she started being funny about it, I tell her in no uncertain terms that her behaviour isn't acceptable, that you cannot afford the items and that she shouldn't have bought things without asking and then expect you to pay for them.

FrenchDesigner

Just like your hormones go all funny and you become all emotional and weird as a new mum, others around you do so. MIL and mum must feel THEY have a little one to look after again, and they seem often to be the worst people of those entitled to tell how to name, bathe, dress etc YOUR baby.
That seems to be the 1st of a string of self-appropriation of the baby. Perferctly natural but strange things like that come up. A way to tell you: you must dress the baby like that, use that type of product on him/her etc. You're going to need loads of diplomatic skills in the next few months, then habits will slip in. Give your mum good ones now: I can't refuse gifts (hint?) but I'd rather buy that type of products (I want organic because..)and clothes I've chosen with MY money. As we are short of money we want to set-up a birth list what do you think of the idea mum? MIL wants to buy us a pram as a birth present you're OK with that? competition over "who loves baby more" will kick in! Smile at advice you don't want, "we'll think about it" then go away and do as your instinct tells you, you'll be a great mum. we have all felt totally overwhelmed and not knowing what to do. Your mum will be chuffed if now and again you ask for (free)advice as well, just to make her happy!

DaftyDuck

These "dilemmas" are getting silly, as other posters have said.

Of course you shouldn't have to pay. No moral dilemma there at all. However, having read most of the posts, one possibility seems to have escaped comment. Mother gave you the "bill". Did she, in fact, as a caring, loving, MSE mummy give you the receipt instead? In other words, "here, have a present, and if X doesn't fit/ isn't wanted, here's the receipt, so you can get it changed"... OK, might be unlikely, but even as a possibility, it'd mean treading just that more carefully in how you raised the subject with mother.

BNT

I think you need to talk to your mother next time she visits planet earth.

hotcoffee_2

I am a grandma myself so it occurs to me that maybe you misunderstood and they were a gift but she gave you the bill in case there was anything you did not like so that you could return it. If you feel able then ask if she is expecting you to pay for them and if the answer should be yes then it would be ok for you to then say that you would prefer her not to buy things in future as you may not be able to afford them. I am pretty sure that the answer will be no of course not. Hope so anyway as I have never heard of a grandmother buying things and expecting to be paid.

youdontsay

No definitely not. If she wanted to make a gesture, she could have asked you to go with her, asked you what you would like, or at least have had an idea of what you were looking for. Just politely tell her you have seen some other things you liked more, and cant afford both so will need to return the items she bought.

farmhouse

In a word 'no'. If you asked your mother to buy things for your baby that is a different matter but if she took upon herself one would assume that the articles were a gift. I wouldn't dream of treating my daughter that way.

darleydame

yes of course you should accept them and gladly pay for them plus a bit extra for her time.


not really but i think everyone else has said it all!

are these dilemmas real or made up?
do we ever find out what advice they follow in the end?
is there life on mars..............???????????????

happyinflorida

Oh my you have my sincere sympathy having a mum like this.

Her way of thinking is quite nasty IMO and I'd find it very hard not to be quite rude to her but maybe you're more used to it if she's always been like this.

If you can talk to her - then do that and point out your circumstances if you want to - it does depend on the type of relationship you have with your mum - is it open and honest or lies, deceit etc all the way?

Some mums are just plain nasty and my opinion is, you can be so much happier without them in your life if they always make you unhappy. If this is the case then tell her you're about to enter a new phase of your life and if she wants to be a part of it, she's got to change. If she doesn't, you don't have to see her anymore - this may seem terrible to some but until you've had the !!!!! from hell as a mother, you can't really know what it's like.

Good luck!

lisababe

Ive never heard anything like it and bet your gutted your mum acted like this. Wheres doting nanny to be? Im not well off just get by and my mum is always grabbing nappies or clothes for all my children here and there and always buys useful gifts when new baby comes along as i thought any grandparent would and have in the past bought a pram/cot etc as have the in-laws to take the pressure off us and because they want to.
Why would she go and buy some baby bits and bring them round and then hand you the bill???
And as with most people these days however well off or skint, look around for deals on ebay etc to save money.
I would give her it all back and say we would of liked to choose our own things that we need for the baby if we have to pay and dont need half the stuff anyway. Hope the dads parents are more helpful!!