Real life MMD: Should I pay for Grandma's 'gifts'?

horsechestnut

Do be nice to your Mum, she may have thought that it was saving you the effort of shopping, as people are often tired when they are pregnant and she may have felt that she was sparing you the shopping trip.
After saving that, just say very politely that you have been offered things from other people and could she please return them for a refund and say very gently that you cannot afford to pay for these items. She may not be aware of your exact situation.
I always feel that it is an honour and a privilidge to buy (and pay for) things for my Grandchild. And I always say that if they are not suitable I can always take them back to the shop; and are genuinely not offended if they are not suitable.

HKitten

If you're not confident about asking her to return the items, why not ask her for the receipt? Is that what she gave you originally? If she paid by cash then you could return the items yourself and get the money back, or if it was by card then perhaps vouchers that you can then spend on things you actually want.

That'd be one way of keeping the peace and still not having to shell out all that money, but it does depend on whether she bought them from somewhere that you'd want to buy from yourself if it's vouchers!

theoldcynic

Everyone is different I guess but more often than not I find that a lot of first time parents really enjoy shopping for bits for the baby. Getting all of the bits you need and that will suit you and your lifestyle, and dreaming of how the baby will fit/look/use the items and how it will all go together, and the bit of attention it tends to attract from shop assistants. I would be a bit miffed that someone else had trumped that then expected me to foot the bill for it!

What I might say though in an effort to be diplomatic and to try not to offend mum, is to firmly say that it was a lovely thought, we cannot afford it and therefore will not pay for it, and have most of the stuff already, however it looks like granny now has a spare set of bits ready at her house for her grandchild to use when they visit.... or she can return them of course.

Perhaps you can invite her out to join you on a baby shopping expedition in the future so she understands your wants, needs and budgets and still feels involved.

thankyousam

For everyone saying get a refund, is there a legal right to a refund if you change you mind? There no Sadfart issues here, so I was under the impression it comes down to a goodwill gesture from the store.

DustD

Lots of posts 'faffing around' here.

Lets begin by saying what an incredibly tight and inconsiderate mother you have. I find it incredible that she is demanding money for these items.

As others have suggested, the only sensible thing to do is return them and say simply that you can't afford them. If you accept them in any way, you are likely to set a prescedent and more unecessary and unwanted items will turn up on your doorstep (complete with a bill).

Your mother has placed you in a very awkward situation and I guess its easy to say just give them back, but its the only thing you can do.

Don't suppose you could mention it to Dad, can he have a word with her?

Elisecas

PlanetGanet wrote: »

I would return all of the items to her, thanking her for the thought but politely telling her that you can't afford them and are shopping around/buying second hand. Hopefully your mum will be able to return the items. It is my opinion that she should have asked first before spending your money.

Exactly what she said.

tim_n

Elisecas wrote: »

Exactly what she said.

Ditto. Cheeky.

aurora-83

Psyon wrote: »

Come on.. All the above people are right, but come on!! It's your mum.. Don't make a fuss of it..

Just say,,, "Mum! I didn't ask for these. Pls return it"

It's your mum!!

exactly... she's her mum... no offence but what kind of mother does that??? Will she charge her for looking after the baby in future as well? I would have a (polite of course) conversation with mum about minding her own bussines.

joehoover

Just say thanks for taking the time to buy them but you can;t afford it, and say she will need to return them, unless there is something there you would have bought anyway and you want them.

Don't feel obliged to though this is terrible. Who would ever buy something for someone without them asking to then slap a bill on them, it's very odd.

redfibee1

I've had a similar problem with my parents. It's their Golden Wedding this year, and they wanted the whole family to have a weekend break together, with each sibling paying their share. It's not that we don't have the money, it's the fact that my parents have decided for us how they want us to spend our money. The three night stay costs £700 just for our family, not including food. We would never even contemplate spending our money in this way - a Travelodge or Camping is our usual preference. I suggested other options for the weekend, to no avail. After some ill-feeling all round, my parents decided to pay for everyone "out of our inheritance" which in my view is where it should have come from in the first place. I still feel very cross that I was put in such an awkward position. We don't have money to splash around, but my sisters do.